Should my daughter visit her mom who is in jail? Is there a benefit to visits over ph

I am considering letting my 15 year old daughter visit my wife who is in jail for seven months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 14 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how "now her mother is the one being ordered around". I have no problem with that really as it is probably better to joke a bit instead of being hysterical.

One thing I am wondering is what are the things they should talk about. I hear that all conversations in jail are recorded? Would it be better to stick to casual things ?


also my daughter will no doubt want to ask my wife questions about what it is like inside there. Is this a good idea? Out of curiosity if you were to ask an inmate questions about what it is like in jail, what would you ask them? Is it even a good idea to let her visit?

 

She is 15 , time to take off the protective leash and let her have a heart to heart with mom. Guide her after with the proper thoughts and knowledge, along with the lesson you wish her to learn from this visit. In the end , dont worry about it too much. 15 year olds are smart and resilient.

Now, that begs a few different questions. Is she still your wife ? Were you unaware of what was going on till the police got involved? How did that happen under your roof ? Etc...

 

If she want to, let her. I doubt the real deal is worse than she imagines.

 

If you don't you run the risk of having your wife divorce you and win custody if she can say you tried to poison her relationship with her daughter. Do what you think is the right thing by your wife, nobody else.

Unless they're going to say something incriminating don't worry about the recording. Nobody cares, and I'm not really sure they even do it any more. I believe they'll tell you if they do

A "financial crime" could be a purely not her fault. I know many people who have been sent to jail for tax evasion when all they were really guilty of was being deceived by a partner or working for a tax cheat who got away.

And if 7 months was the actual sentence it will probably go by like 3, because it will be, Most inmates are released early

 

The girls are old enough to think for themselves. I'd encourage them to understand more from your wife's perspective so they can learn a life lesson from your wife's failure. We learn more from mistakes than successes, even if they're others' mistakes.

 

Unless your daughters want to talk about something illegal, no questions are bad questions. I would let my daughter visit.

 

Main problem I have is she will see the jail environment which could be unpleasant,. She will see her mom in jail clothes and other inmates. Also, I hear they might search you before going in. If that is the case I don't think I will go.

 

Why would you not let your daughter go if she wanted to? And why don't you go with her? Unless you are holding resentment against your wife and you still want to emotionally punish her yourself?

I don't know the rules of the prison she's serving in. Prison rules vary by state. Most of the time, if she's only serving a 7 month sentence she should be in a min or mid security state prison, or the county jail. Visitation is usually in person at a public gathering area with other inmates visiting with their families. The behind glass visits is usually in max security or federal prisons. This of course all varies due to the rules and entrenchment of the prison industrial complex in that state. So why don't you take the whole family up there?

 

I would definitely let my daughters visit her. She's still their mother and they need that contact w/her...... would also let them ask her any questions they want to ask, rather than make them keep questions bottled up inside them, which could cause confusion on their part.....

Sad that this happened, but that's life - which your girls will come to understand when you commit a crime - there's consequences for it.

Good luck to you and your girls and also your wife.

 

one thing I wonder if there are benefits to visits over phone calls



seeing a jail environment might be unpleasant and she will see her mom in jail clothes and other inmates. You might also get searched before going in.

 

15 is old enough to understand the situation.

 

She's going to ask whatever she wants once your wife is out of jail anyway. So if there's something you're trying to avoid her knowing at best you're just pushing it off.

As per the recording. I doubt they care what they're talking about. If it's about the case she's already in jail for seven months. Which would mean the trial is over and anything she says doesn't matter anymore.

 

I'd go for it. Having worked in the system I know that family contact, if feasible, is very important, and in some cases even brings a family closer together. Also, as others have posted, it will let both daughter and mother know that there is a mutual support in trying times, and will probably be a mini version of "Scared Straight" for you daughter.
Enjoy!

 

I heard of this scared straight thing. What is it exactly?

 

A program where wayward children are brought into prisons and bullied by inmates, the idea being to give them a realistic idea of what they can expect if they go to prison themselves. It strikes me as possibly a better idea for a popular tv show than a device to reform children but I have no idea of what it's actual results have been.

If your wife is being treated as this show indicates some inmates are, then no, don't let your children go there at all, they will go crazy out of concern for their mother. However, the inmates in this program are all long term and violent from maximum security institutions, so I doubt very much there is any similarity.

My understanding is that prisons encourage familial visits and try to make them pleasant occasions. The goal is to rehabilitate, not punish and the inmate's family is expected to play a big role in this. You should talk to the prison if you have any concerns as I'm sure they will be anxious to help in any way they can. (keeping in mind, what they are, of course). If the prison is aware that your wife has a supportive family awaiting that might even influence an early release.

 

It was a real program (not television) in the 1970s. It was found to not have positive results. In fact, kids in the Scared Straight program were 28% more likely to end up in prison than in the control group.

https://www.ncjrs.gov/html/ojjdp/news_at_glance/234084/topstory.html

 

Alexander has it pretty much right. If your wife is in for only 7 months, it's more than likely a county jail. Normally they don't house hard core inmates, mostly locals for things like DUI, theft, simple assault, etc., which is why I indicated a mini version of "Scared Straight". The atmosphere is still one of confinement and can still send your daughter a message if she's willing to acknowledge that her actions will result in consequences. As far as punishment, the motto of the maximum security prison I worked at was "Inmates are here AS punishment, not FOR punishment". And just as a point of information, a jail usually refers to confinement for less than a year. Prison is for long term sentences. Hope this helps.
Enjoy!

 

I've been in jail and yes they record but I bet they only listen to a select few. My kids came to visit and I think it helped me knowing how they were taking it and I'm sure it made them feel good to see I was safe. People hear a lot of crazy stories about jail. I think they will both feel better if your daughter goes to see her.

 

I have no taken my daughter yet but they have talked on the phone but I plan to do so

One thing I heard is she might see jail as all right or "cool" because her mom seems to be getting through it fine. Is this true likely?

 

In my opinion, it would be beneficial for your daughter to visit mom in jail. They probably miss each other very much. Explain to your daughter that this isn't permanent, and that mom will be home.

Explain the nature of the offense, and why the punishment was handed down.

I'm sure each will be excited to see one another, and visit as often as you can, it will help your wife cope with being locked up, I'm sure it's distressing in jail.

I doubt that your daughter will see jail as cool, it's the place where she's not able to see mom everyday.

 

All right believe it or not I have not brought my daughter yet for the time her mom has been in jail. They have talked on the phone however


managed to talk to one of the main guards that works at that jail. She said that since my daughter is a teenagers it is perfectly fine to take her. She also said use it as a learning experience (what does that mean do you think), ask your wife to be honest about what happened, and to simply present it as a punishment for wrong doing. Is this a good idea?

 

If she is guilty, yes good idea. Your daughter will gain respect for her mother, also learn that there are consequences to ones actions and that we are all human and make mistakes. All very good lessons.

 

I think you should absolutely take her. That's her mother. She needs the support now more than ever. Yea she f@*@*ed up, but that doesn't make her a bad person. You don't want your daughter having bad thoughts...

Just take her. It'll be fine. No need to overthink.

 

I have been told I come across as controlling when it comes to my wife and daughter. My daughter by being hesitant about visits and my wife by telling her how to act in jail. I wondered what people thought

 

You better let your daughter visit her mother.... Do you hate your wife and daughter?

People go to jail all the time for nonsense - Hell I have been to jail and prison for nonsense (non-violent crap - I had pot).

I suppose the real question is does your wife want her daughter to see her in prison?