Now this guy finally has something to brag about at the pub. I laughed, but then thought how lucky he was that it didn't happen in the US because the cops would have mistaken his bulge for a gun and shot him. https://dailycaller.com/2019/09/27/shoplifting-bulge-pants-england/
No, that his penis is so long and his balls are so massive that time actually flows faster at the tip of his penis than it does at the base due to time dilation
Ironically now he can shoplift rolls of paper towels, polish kielbasa, loaves of bread, whole pork loins, and no one can say anything.