Thinking about Dad today. He died near this time of year. I was about 20, the youngest of four men, and he had found out I was gay from my mother and 'the talk' was forced upon me. This was in the early eighties. My brothers would bring their girlfriends or fiancée to holiday gatherings. I said there was no way I could bring a boyfriend to Thanksgiving without making Dad feel uncomfortable in his own home. He looked me straight in the eye. "You bring him. You let me worry about the rest, son." That was pretty much the end of that conversation, beyond a hug. This very proud stubborn man was going to own this as his problem to solve even in his own space, rather than mine anywhere. Message sent: Men may not be able to help their biases and their prejudices they were raised with, but a real man makes sure it isn't anyone else who suffers for them, especially someone they love . I got very lucky in the parent lottery.
Wow. That's pretty powerful. You were indeed lucky to have such a father. I often wish that I'd had a better relationship with my father. He was a good man, but kept his emotional distance. I don't think he could have done what your father did.
My parents were in iron and steal business. Mom made few bucks ironing clothes and dad was a thief. One of my mother's favorites jokes.
Your father really loved you. His love was so deep and true for you, he put you and your feelings first. You did get lucky or maybe its not luck. Maybe it's by design. Someday we will all find out. God rest your dads soul.
What is so unusual was that my Dad was by nature very emotionally distant, but he recognized what discrimination was, when blacks or women or Jews felt it and he knew absolutely that it was wrong to treat people differently because of this label as well. This moved it from an intellectual exercise to his own life. He literally 'evolved' right in front of my eyes.
one more story here about my dad on this topic. Between the time of the above conversation and when my mother undoubtedly told him in confidence, there was this awkward scenario where I thought he knew, but he wasn't able to tell me he knew because I set it up to he couldn't. It came to pass we were both watching a Rockford Files episode where a mob boss's son commits a murder so Dad does not discover he is gay. There is this scene full of cliched melodrama, where Mob boss disowns his son when he finds out. There sits my dad in his chair and me sitting on the floor, incredibly uncomfortable thanks to the writers of Rockford Files. I glance at Dad to see his reaction, and he just stares the tv. I went to my room, feeling as horrible as you can imagine, and there Dad sits. About 45 minutes later, Dad calls me back to discuss the household chores to be done that week. Yep that what he used! Then he segues into politics, probably the sins of the GOP, as a subject we can always discuss! I did not learn anything that night about Dad's views on homosexuality or me, except that he could not stand the thought of me sitting in that room feeling shame. His smile was broad, his laugh was hearty, and I knew that when the talk came, it was not going to be anything like what I saw in TV.
It takes a rare kind of courage to confront your own feelings, then set them aside for someone you love. It's a shame there aren't more people like him in this world. Great stories. You're renewing my faith in humanity.