I got the below message in an email recently about quotes atributed to Andy Rooney. Although I feel some of them are probably not really Rooney quotes, that is besides the point. I simply wanted to address each one and she some reactions.

Andy Rooney said on "60 Minutes" a few weeks back:

Andy: I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Me: This is true, but for some reason, I just don't care enough to whine about it like a lot of other white folks do these days. I think a little temporary discrimination towards Caucasians to make up for a couple hundred years of serious discrimination towards blacks is a-okay. The fact that many Caucasians are getting angry about this and starting to feel at least a fraction of what African-Americans felt is proof that it is working.


Andy: Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Me: Well, this analogy is rather poor because baseball bats and cars have other uses besides killing people, whereas guns pretty much serve only one purpose, but all this is besides the point as I agree guns should not be banned, only heavily regulated.


Andy: I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

Me: Fair enough, and I'd like to add that I think it's about time someone started the Boy & Girl Scouts.


Andy: I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

Me: Okay. It's an opinion based on a fear that homosexuality will somehow backdown the moral fabric of our society. Sometimes you can have your cake and eat it, too.


Andy: I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

Me: Agreed, and of course if you refuse to tolerate someone who different, weird, or ticks you off, you should expect the same intolerance from them in return.


Andy: When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.

Me: Agreed.


Andy: I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

Me: I used to believe this idea until I spent 2 years living in Japan and learned only a very basic level of Japanese. In Japan, it is expected that foreigners can't speak Japanese, and they feel an obligation to speak to them in a language that they can understand, usually English. USA has no official language, so how can we lawfully force anyone to speak English? I think Americans should spend more time trying to learn a foreign language, especially after they become adults. Perhaps then they will understand how truly difficult it is to master it and speak on the same level as a native speaker. And of course, if you don't like to make purchases from someone who doesn't speak English so well, you can always go on down to the next store.


Andy: My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

Me: Agreed, but how is speaking a foreign language disrespecting a country that has no official language?


Andy: I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry a-- if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

Me: Most every person throughout the world can understand at least the word "stop." Perhaps police should stop saying "freeze." That said, yes, if an officer tells you to stop and you keep running, let him shoot your sorry a--.


Andy: I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

Me: Agreed.


Andy: We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

Me: Don't blame the immigrants for that. Blame the Democrats. In fact, blame both parties, since both love to call the constitution a living document anytime a reinterpretation suits there needs.


Andy: I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

Me: Good for you. Who cares?


Andy: I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

Me: Agreed, but who cares?


Andy: I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

Me: That's true, but it doesn't mean I don't have the right to say he is a selfish bastard if that's how I feel about it. If you disagree with this, check back to your above statement on tolerance.


Andy: It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"

Me: Agreed, anf I think some people need to mind their own business when they see such punishment being handed out at the supermarket.


Andy: I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

Me: Agreed, with a smile.


Andy: I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

Me: Agreed, and I think the vast majority of Americans would agree, too. PC won't last much longer because we all think it's a joke, so calm down and wait it off.


Andy: I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

Me: I see Andy is a garduate of the US public education system. We can recite the Pledge of Allegiance fifty years after we graduate, yet we have extreme difficulty figuring out the tip when we go out to eat. Hmmm...who said only authoritarian regimes use education as a tool of indoctrination?


Andy: It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust" on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up and BE QUIET!!!

Me: Agreed. Personally, I don't care what is printed on our money, even if it reads "Don't Trust God! Satan is Our Master!", so long as it continues to be accepted as currency where ever I need to make purchases.

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WARNING: In the unlikely event of an accidental agreement with any or all points made in the above post, contact a clinical psychologist immediately.

The views expressed in the above post are not necessarily those of Joker and/or any of his affiliates.

. "You have found the secret message. Do you have too much time on your hands? ...Let it go."