Well, either my mother has finally lost her remaining sanity or I am, as Fundamentalists have suggested, a sorry excuse for a Christian. I've been quite upset since my mother said, this morning, that she would allow herself to be killed rather than tell a murderous, anti-Christian fanatic what they wanted to hear. I am aware that Jesus rebuked Peter in advance for three times denying him, but I am also aware that Peter was an Apostle whose chosen role in life was to follow Jesus the man, while obviously I have not been chosen for such a task. Moreover, it is worth noting that, had Peter not then denied Jesus, he would likely not have lived to spread the Christian faith as he did.
More to the point, however, it would seem a waste of a human life to let it and all of the good it could do on Earth end because of the actions of some lunatic. If I were a symbolic leader of a movement to free Christians or religious people in general from persecution and my refusal to recant was critical to the success of such a cause, I would choose death. Moreover, I would choose death over doing anything immoral. This is not what my mother was referring to, however. Simply telling a hypothetical fanatic what they wanted to hear without believing it oneself would, to her, be a betrayal of Christ. I admit that on this point I am at a loss. I was just beginning to think that this life and this world were of some real value, but if what my mother said is true, life is merely a means to an end. Moreover, I would think that God values the life He created and makes a distinction between words and beliefs and so, at worst, would consider saving ones own life the lesser of the evils in such a situation.
All of this disturbs me not because I expect to be in such a situation, since such things seldom happen in the United States, but rather because it throws me back many months in my psychological progress- back to the days when I saw this life as nothing more than a test for the next life and of no intrinsic value. Those who have posted here long enough know the depression into which such a mindset throws me. So, is my mother crazy or am I faithless? This latest incident has thrown me off balance so badly that I don't know what is right or wrong theologically or what is sane and what is insane. I appreciate all advice. Thank you very much.

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"Some people complain about the system. The system is not good, so they can't do anything. It's an excuse. Freedom is in your heart." (Jin Xing)