DUE to the climate of political correctness now pervading America
> , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be
> referred to as
> "HILLBILLIES."
>
> You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
>
> And furthermore .
>
> HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
>
> 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a
> "BREASTED AMERICAN."
>
>
> 2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY
> APPRECIATIVE."
>
> 3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
>
> 4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR
> OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
>
>
> 5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED
> COMPANION."
>
> 6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
>
> 7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
> She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"
>
> 8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY
> ENHANCED."
>
> 9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
>
>
> 10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
>
>
> 11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is
> "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
>
> 12 She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
>
> HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND
> BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
>
> 1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID
> GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
>
> 2. He is not a "BAD DANCER"
> - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
>
> 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES
> ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
>
>
> 4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
>
>
> 5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL
> DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
>
> 6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes
> "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
>
> 7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
> "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
>
> 8 He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
>
> 9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP
> CHALLENGED."
>
>
> 10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
>
>
> 11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's
> "REAR CLEAVAGE "
>
>
> Please use your best judgment when referring to these people, so
> as to make it more comfortable for the rest of us.
