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MICcheck · #8 (**permalink**) 09-26-2004, 08:52 PM

My energy proposal

Part I - Fat People:
I propose that we round up all the fat people on the planet. If they refuse to cooperate, we simply kill them, meaning we can get that much more fat from them.

We then divide the fat people up into sections:
1) Fat people who are useless to society.
2) Fat people who are useful to society.
3) Fat comedians who wouldn't be funny if they were thin.

We set section 3 free to do as they please. To sections 1 and 2, we give lyposuction. We use this fat as an alternate energy source. Post-lyposuction, we send section 2 back out into the world to be free and do as they please with their thin bodies. Section 1 we put in a cage and let them get fat again, sort of like a harvest. In addition to getting energy from their fat, we now have more room to move around, meaning we can consolidate things, making point A to point B a shorter distance, using less energy.

Part II - Dreadlocks:

With some of that extra space, we can do something else: give everyone dreadlocks. If they refuse, we kill them and use their bodies to feed the section 1 fat people. Every once in a while, we have a harvest, where we take some dreads from each person, creating giant dread ropes to burn as a fuel source. This also creates many hairdressing jobs, which would boost the economy.

Part III - Marijuana:

Marijuana is instrumental to my energy plan. You can get 4 times as much paper from an acre of marijuana as you can from an acre of trees, at 1/4 the cost and 1/5 the pollution. That solves that problem.

Hemp seeds are an excellent source of protein, and cheaper than soy beans. If everyone became a vegetarian, we could get protein from hemp seeds, and put all the animals we would normally be killing on treadmills to give us more energy.

We could also put marijuana into the dread ropes, keeping everyone a little bit stoned from the second hand smoke. What do we then have, you ask? A utopian society, I say.

Here's the killer: you can get 4 times as much cellulose to make methanol from hemp stems than you can from a corn stalk. We could use this along with solar energy to end our dependency on middle Eastern oil.

And what's the worst accident that will happen from someone being stoned? Someone will drive at 7 MPH into a garage door or break a window. If this happens, guess what? A job has been created!

Part IV - Conclusion:

Want to solve the energy crisis? First, we use the driver liscense and cat/toast methods. Then, we use my above methods - no fat people (except in Obesity Farms), dreadlocks, and pot. We will bring about world peace, end world hunger, end the energy crisis, and have a (*)(*)(*)(*) good time doing it.