Thread: Weird wedding.. the bride is gay..

I want to frame this as a hypothetical, but it really happened in my extended family in a university town.

The rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch.. nothing strange.

But at the wedding the person who performed the service .. a woman.. announced that the bride was a lesbian and was looking for a woman when she met the groom.. a brilliant doctoral student.

Everyone except my family giggled.. She went on to talk about donating to gay and lesbian rights in lieu of wedding gifts.. The majority of the wedding guests were gay, lesbian and Transexual.

There was no exchange of promises.. like to love and cherish.. be a lover, friend or partner.

The person who officiated.. this woman.. went on to say that she had applied on line to get a $17.00 license to perform the marriage.

A reception followed with the first song being something called "(*)(*)(*)(*)(*) Control"..

It was only about 50 guests, but those who would have left, couldn't because they had all arrived at the venue in a party bus.

The children who attended had never heard the word lesbian and had never heard music like (*)(*)(*)(*)(*) Control... It was explained to them.. that this song was about herding cats.

Evidently most of the music was pretty raunchy..

1) The groom is straight.. or I have always thought he was..

2) Other siblings and cousins are fairly conservative and traditional

3) the family is reeling and wondering about the insult value towards the parents of the groom.

4) Having never been to a homosexual wedding, may I ask if they take vows like to love and protect and honor each other. I would naturally assume that they do.

5) Is this a real marriage or is it some sort of political performance art?

I am getting up there in years.. and nothing much surprises me.. but this has thrown me for a loop.

I would like some insights into this situation....

Hmmm, well i don't know, that description leaves me more confused than anything. The groom is straight, the bride is a lesbian... I wouldn't call that a gay or straight wedding. Why were they marrying? Yes, vows are usually spoken at gay weddings just as they are at traditional ones. Whatever was going on there didn't sound sincere at all.... perhaps some sort of "political performance art" as you said...

Perhaps a mockery of those who say "Gays have the right to marry too, they just have to marry someone of the opposite sex like everyone else".... The wedding you described seems to highlight the problems with that sentiment, where such a marriage is obviously devoid of any love or commitment, and isn't what we'd call a marriage at all. When you can't marry the person you love, a mockery is all that's left... I could only imagine that the bride and groom (groom especially) was acting out in protest against something his family did or said. I can't imagine any other reason for such a display, and even then it seems unexplainable.

Originally Posted by JeffLV

Hmmm, well i don't know, that description leaves me more confused than anything. The groom is straight, the bride is a lesbian... I wouldn't call that a gay or straight wedding. Why were they marrying? Yes, vows are usually spoken at gay weddings just as they are at traditional ones. Whatever was going on there didn't sound sincere at all.... perhaps some sort of "political performance art" as you said...

Perhaps a mockery of those who say "Gays have the right to marry too, they just have to marry someone of the opposite sex".... The wedding you described seems to highlight the problems with that sentiment, where such a marriage is obviously devoid of any love or commitment, and isn't what we'd call a marriage at all.

When you can't marry the person you love, a mockery is all that's left... I could only imagine that the bride and groom (groom especially) was acting out in protest against something his family did or said.

Yes.. I think it was a mockery.. but these young people are 30 few and they have bee dating a couple of years.. The parents of the groom are liberal where these matters are concerned.

If their son were gay .. they would have loved and supported him anyway.

You have helped in clarifying that this was indeed a mockery.... and regarding my question about vows..but I am still mystified..

Is it possible that the groom is also gay?

He is a beloved son.. with every priviledge and advantage.. and he's an academic whiz kid.. Hundreds of thousands have been invested in his education.. and he has proven worth it.

Originally Posted by Margot

Yes.. I think it was a mockery.. but these young people are 30 few and they have bee dating a couple of years.. The parents of the groom are liberal where these matters are concerned.

If their son were gay .. they would have loved and supported him anyway.

You have helped in clarifying that this was indeed a mockery.... and regarding my question about vows..but I am still mystified..

Is it possible that the groom is also gay?

He is a beloved son.. with every priviledge and advantage.. and he's an academic whiz kid.. Hundreds of thousands have been invested in his education.. and he has proven worth it.

Maybe the groom is gay, I don't know. Either the groom is gay, the groom doesn't value (legitimate) marriage, the groom did it because divorce is simple enough anyway, or maybe they didn't actually get (legally) married. Do you know if they signed the paperwork and made it official... maybe check the county records online? This wouldn't be the first time I've heard of gay people pretending to be dating someone of the opposite in order to hide it, although they sure picked a heck of a way to "come out".

As for why they did it, a mockery and protest seems most apparent. It's also possible they married for certain benefits like healthcare benefits, although that seems unlikely (especially if he's as privileged as you say). Maybe they're going into business and wanted to be able to move/sell assets tax-free between each other? The act seems quite immature, in a way that makes it almost unbelievable. I could only speculate, you'd have to ask them why they did it... I could only imagine that the devil is in the detail on this one.

Sounds like it was...for the giggles.

Don't really know, I would assume it wasn't a serious marriage ceremony.

Having been to the wedding of a gay relative, I can say that it was pretty much a traditional marriage ceremony. There was a priest, vows, love, cherish, sickness and health, richer or poorer, till death do you part. The whole shebang. Both guys wore suits and exchanged rings.

So to me I'm just gonna hazard a guess that this was a big display of political discourse.

I think it's important to point out that...everyone has different style and I have seen some....fairly batshat crazy weddings from heterosexuals as well. One that includes a "leather"wedding.

Originally Posted by Osiris Faction

I think it's important to point out that...everyone has different style and I have seen some....fairly batshat crazy weddings from heterosexuals as well. One that includes a "leather"wedding.

(*)(*)(*)(*), why wasn't I invited?

My family is all mormon, the vast majority of weddings I've gone to are as boring as they come >.> lol

Originally Posted by JeffLV

Maybe the groom is gay, I don't know. Either the groom is gay, the groom doesn't value (legitimate) marriage, the groom did it because divorce is simple enough anyway, or maybe they didn't actually get (legally) married. Do you know if they signed the paperwork and made it official... maybe check the county records online? This wouldn't be the first time I've heard of gay people pretending to be dating someone of the opposite in order to hide it, although they sure picked a heck of a way to "come out".

As for why they did it, a mockery and protest seems most apparent. It's also possible they married for certain benefits like healthcare benefits, although that seems unlikely (especially if he's as privileged as you say). Maybe they're going into business and wanted to be able to move/sell assets tax-free between each other? The act seems quite immature, in a way that makes it almost unbelievable. I could only speculate, you'd have to ask them why they did it... I could only imagine that the devil is in the detail on this one.

All good questions.. I too am wondering if they REALLY got married.

To top it off.. the bride's father stood up and said his daughter was a true feminist who rejected traditional values.

Time will tell... I guess.

Originally Posted by Margot

I want to frame this as a hypothetical, but it really happened in my extended family in a university town.

Your story doesn't really make much sense and the suggestion is that you weren't there yourself and are repeating what you were told. My suspicion is that something has been lost in the telling though I've no idea what it could be.

Originally Posted by Margot

4) Having never been to a homosexual wedding, may I ask if they take vows like to love and protect and honor each other. I would naturally assume that they do.

I'm not sure this is directly relevant to your story but I think it's the more important point;

There is no such thing as a standard homosexual wedding, just as there is no such thing as a standard heterosexual wedding. Everyone is individual and everyone will have a different wedding. Some homosexuals will go for a very traditional style and some heterosexuals will have something very unconventional.

The key point is that the only difference between homosexuals and heterosexuals is the gender of people they're attracted to. Beyond that, we're all equally capable of complete range of behaviour and opinions, good, bad or indifferent.

Originally Posted by Margot

Having never been to a homosexual wedding, may I ask if they take vows like to love and protect and honor each other. I would naturally assume that they do.

Depends completely upon what the couple chooses, just like any 'heterosexual' wedding.

I have only ever been to one wedding where both parties were of the same sex. It was a little over 20 years ago, and was merely religious/symbolic, not a marriage with any civil recognition. It took place in the MCC church I was attending at the time, before I became an agnostic. The vows were pretty much traditional. The only real difference was that both grooms walked up the aisle, separately - I don't remember exactly what the music was; I think something jazzy. They wore matching white tuxedos. Apart from that, it wasn't particularly memorable. The only thing I remember about the reception was being annoyed because I had met up with some old friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and just as we were starting to get past exchanging pleasantries, some man & woman that none of us knew plopped down at our small table and proceeded to completely monopolize the conversation. Seriously, the woman prattled on non-stop, making it impossible for my friends and I to engage each other.

If my partner and I ever have a wedding, he wants something fairly traditional. I'm for heading to the courthouse, signing the paperwork and calling it done. The thought of having to entertain a bunch of guests terrifies me. I'm admittedly very anti-social, and it seems like a pointless expense. I don't expect to ever have to confront the issue though, since I don't expect we'll ever be able to have a legally recognized marriage, and doing something merely symbolic doesn't excite me. I already consider us married in everything but name anyway.

Originally Posted by Margot

Is this a real marriage or is it some sort of political performance art?

How does one define a "real marriage"? Legal recognition? True commitment? I wouldn't presume to say.