I am John Kerry

Raina04 · #1 (**permalink**) 08-31-2004, 05:50 PM

I am John Kerry.

I was against the first Iraq war, I am against the second Iraq war,

but I voted for it. Now I'm against it but I was for it. I support the UN.

I'm against terrorism and against the Iraq war. But I voted for the Iraq war.

So, I voted against the first war and supported the second war, wait...

I'm against gay marriage but for gay unions. I support gays but

think the San Francisco mayor is wrong. I support gay marriages. No, wait,

gay unions.

I'm Catholic. Wait, I'm Jewish. My granddad was Jewish. But I was raised

Catholic. What am I? I don't want to confuse people.

I am for abortions, but wait, I'm Catholic, and Catholics are

pro-life. But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, but I'm

not sure. I do know I voted for a pro-life judge, but I stated that it was a

mistake.

I went to Vietnam. But I was against Vietnam. I testified against fellow US

troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and led others to do the same.

But I am a war hero. Against the war. I stated I threw my medals away

then I threw my ribbons away. I then revealed that I threw my ribbons

away but not my medals, then lately I stated that I threw someone else's

medals away and never threw anything of mine away. I believe Ribbons and

medals aren't the same thing. Medals come with ribbons, so now I believe

that ribbons and medals are the same thing besides the fact that ribbons are

cloth and medals are medal.

I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover.

But now I fly and campaign in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it.

But sometimes, we fly upside-down for fun.

I am for the common man, unlike Bush. I am against the rich. But my

family is worth 700 million dollars has a jet and many SUVs. I am the

common man.

I am against sending jobs overseas. My wife is a Heinz heir. Heinz

has most factories offshore. I am against rewarding companies for exporting

jobs as long as it is not Heinz.

I own $1 million in Wal-Mart stock. I believe Wal-Mart is evil by driving small

business owners out of town. I am a capitalist and I own part of Wal-Mart

but I am a good guy for small corporate America.

I own SUVs when I talk to my followers in Detroit, MI. Teresa owns

SUVs, I don't, when I talk to tree hugging followers. I have a campaign jet

that gets 1/3 mpg, which is great fuel efficiency.

I am against making military service an issue in presidential elections. I

defended draft dodger Clinton and stated that all serve in their own

capacity whether they draft dodge or not. Did I mention, I served in Vietnam

and am a hero? Are you questioning my patriotism? I served in Vietnam. My

opponent didn't. I have three purple hearts! I am a hero. I am qualified to

run this country since I served.

I spent Christmas of 1968 in Cambodia, being shot at by the drunken South

Vietnamese and the Khmer Rouge, while president Nixon was lying to the

country and saying that there were no troops in Cambodia. What's that you

say, Nixon wasn't president in 1968, well it must have been some other

president then. Who was that president with the a phony silver star, it was

probably him. Are you sure the Khmer Rouge were not active until 1970,

well I guess I must not have been there then. That's right I was actually in

my basecamp in Vietnam at least 55 miles from the Cambodian

border and I spent the evening writing in my journal about being in

Cambodia. I got confused after I said it so many times between 1968 and

1986.

I am a real hero though, just spend three minutes with the people who

served with me and they will tell you. No, not those 200 plus veterans who

served with me and say I lied, and not all those veterans that signed

affadavits that say I am a phony, I mean just these 8 people that travel

around with me (my band of brothers).

I am John Kerry. I want to be your President.