When girls won't put out! This was written by a guy . . . he's awful (*)(*)(*)(*) smart, maybe.

Girls-Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much and I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For Example:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear . . .

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Let's get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you . . . she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either . . . but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

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Someone hijacked my sig again.

That's funny.

BTW, your sig quote is funny, too. But you do realize it's a fabrication, right?
http://www.snopes.com/military/reinwald.asp

Still a good story.

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Man up.

It is a very funny story. Even as a women i had to laugh. The story end would be different though. She would have said no sex ever!

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Acceptance is the answer

"Im a Tarte, what! you want some of this?"

My ex was upset about something at work one time, and she told me about it. I did have a solution, or so I thought, but it was nothing she wanted to hear. After she told me what went on, I said, "OK. Here's what you do. You..." at which time she snapped, "I don't want for you to solve it! I just want for you to say that you understand what I am going through!!". I said, "But here's how you can fix the problem. All you have to do is..." and she interrupted me again saying "You men! You just don't understand! I'm calling Kathy. She knows what I want to hear."

At this point, I became angry at her indictment of me and of men in general, and I said, "OK. You're the president, and your chief of staff busts into the office and informs you that the country's being invaded. What do you say? 'I understand'?".

I slept on the couch that night.

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Two "no's" make a "yes". Can't argue with math.

My wife says the *exact* same thing. It took me years to get it. I still don't understand it, but I have adjusted my approach. I no longer try to solve her problems unless she asks me to.

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Man up.

The first words out of my mouth when my wife starts to tell me about a problem: "Do you want me to help, or are you just venting?"

Once I started using those, life became a whole lot more pleasant.

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Catz: "And, the ever-sage Volvo Driver:"

Wise man. And now you know why I call you the ever sage, and it isn't just your pleasant herbal aroma either.

Boyfriend is pretty smart like you...he listens, and doesn't really offer advice unless I ask for it.

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Catz Meow
Badly behaved.
Hedonistic Lemming.

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JW Frogen, my new favorite noob poster:

If you are such a weak jellyfish you can be bullied on a forum where you can ignore any poster you do not want to read than I suggest you move to Tibet, convert to Buddhism, protest the Chinese occupation, be killed as you will by the Chinese and hope you come back with some form of backbone.

Yup. Sure do. But it still illustrates the point pretty well.

I personally have never had the problem in the story. So I can not speak on it. I just thunked it was funny.

Both my wife and I are pretty straightforward. And on the first date I told her just this.

Before we go on, I am a man. A fairly smart man if I might say so. But a man none the less. Subtle hints do not work, hints do not work, obvious hints to not work. If you want something, or you want me to do something. Just frigging tell me. If you drop hints, do not be mad when you do not get what you want, because you have been forewarned.

Have not had a problem.

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Someone hijacked my sig again.

You win the prize for best response. She just wants you to hear her.

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Acceptance is the answer

"Im a Tarte, what! you want some of this?"

Oh not always. Sometimes she wants me to fix it. Or at least give her some advice. And, there are times that she's not sure what she wants. Luckily, she's honest enough with both herself and me to tell me what she wants when she knows. And that is one of the myriad reasons why I love her.

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Catz: "And, the ever-sage Volvo Driver:"