You Might Be A Republican If...


You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of *****es."

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

You answer to "The Man."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You've ever called education a luxury.

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

You're afraid of the liberal media."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.



.

__________________
"The American people have spoken. I'm not going to imitate them out of respect for the mentally retarded." - Lewis Black

You argued that no poor people are really hungry, they are just dieting.

You call anti union organizing laws "right to work laws".

You consider Santa Claus a misguided liberal with a red suit.

LOL @ THE BOTH OF YAS!

__________________
I've Got To Break Free!

Let's stereotype all Republicans and insult them because we disagree with them? However, if the Republicans were to stereotype the liberals as people who want to give entitlements to people who don't deserve them as the bleeding hearts that they are I am sure the libs would be all over the Republicans. As a conservative Independent, you are the reason I could not vote democrat. You embody racism, stereotyping and all the things you accuse the republicans of. Instead of being insulting why don't you try to be constructive with your criticism? Take responsibility for your own shortcomings, you obviously have a lot of them since you lost big in the general election.

__________________
Those who think they know everything, usually know the least.

I don't get this one. Help me out.



And Theresa -

Talk about hypocrisy. If you’re seriously trying to pretend that the cons/repubs on this board don’t insult, and stereotype liberals I’d suggest reading a few posts around here. And try to keep the “you’re the racist” spin to a minimum. It’s laughable.

__________________
“Been living here in galus for a life too long" - Matisyahu

They are famous for saying 'ditto' or 'yeah, what he said' or 'so-and-so said.." when debating. Therefore the label "dittoheads".

__________________
.




"When I'm in command, every mission is a suicide mission!" -Capt. Zapp Branigan
The United Church of the Latter Day Tangential Tarts

They just don't sit there and try to hide it by calling the other side the "problem". You see conservatives don't make an excuse for their bad behavior. We accept it and move you. Liberals have an ism for it. Liberals try to turn their bad behavior into " the conservatives made me do it"
I don't have that excuse. I don't use excuses if I do something wrong I admit it and move on. Liberals always have a reason or an excuse from what I can see.

__________________
Those who think they know everything, usually know the least.

They are famous for saying 'ditto' or 'yeah, what he said' or 'so-and-so said.." when debating. Therefore the label "dittoheads".[/quote]

I had *no* idea about that one. Thank you!

__________________
“Been living here in galus for a life too long" - Matisyahu

You need to have sex with more conservative men.

__________________
Terrorist-Supporting Atheist Moderator.

Billy Bob: "From now on I don't want to be quoted. EVER! "

Got any suggestions?


I've never met a conservative Jew - despite the fact that everyone says they're everywhere - I've never met one that cops to it. And if he's not Jewish, he can't camp in my forest.


Besides, I think my moderately liberal fiancee might have a problem with that suggestion. Maybe if I let him sleep with a more conservative woman . . . . . hmmmmmm . . . . .

__________________
“Been living here in galus for a life too long" - Matisyahu