Does anyone else feel alienated by their own gender?

For a big portion of my life, I've never identified with the biggest percentage of men that I met. Not only was it gender stereotypes that I couldn't identify with, but I've never understood what guys mean when they talk about the "bro code" or "manhood." It all seems like a group identity sort of thing, with a bunch of guys agreeing with each other and acting like "bros." I'm also fairly gender neutral in the way I perceive myself and my gender identity. There's masculine traits that I have and feminine traits as well. Because of this, it's hard to identify with a vast percentage of "men."

Most of my friends are either nerdy guys or women. I simply have trouble finding much common ground with alpha males. I also feel very self-conscious when I walk by a group of these "alpha looking" males and I can't help but wonder what they're thinking of me. I'm probably a f*g to them or some "sissy" guy. The weird thing is that I've never been physically bullied, but it's still a fear.

I also know women who feel like this when they don't fit the cultural definition of femininity, and feel shunned by a lot of women.

Do any of you guys feel this way around many people of the same gender, or do you fit in pretty well?

 

by alpha, you mean macho, right? alpha isn't supposed to describe a common group of guys, even a fashion sense (alpha looking?)
Hard to believe you have trouble meeting differently dressed guys in Portland, not interested in the brocode or whatever.

and my answer to your question is no.

 

'Gender' is just one of these 'teams', like 'white' or 'straight' or 'religious'. Why not divide people up by the size of their behinds or big toes? Just because our ancestors were idiots it doesn't mean we have to be.

 

I suggest you read this...there is a preponderance of "feminized" males and the culprit is plastic-chemical agents which mimic oestrogen in fetal development. These are found in things as common as water bottles or microwave dinner containers.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/2009/11/16/plastic-chemicals-make-boys-lsquomore-feminine-study-says/

 

Gender is a social construct and what defines it has changed over the years. Some groups tend to force stricter gender roles on people than others. Androgyny is one of the most uncomfortable things for many people in our society because we begin our social interactions based on gender. The first question people ask a pregnant woman or when a child is born if it is known to be a boy or a girl. That knowledge heavily influences what is purchased as a gift for said child. Children, even before birth, are being told what their sex will me for how they will act in the world. Pregnant women who say they are having a girl will more likely be pampered than if a boy. Even if it is the same woman. (Did the experiment in college).

 

How old are you?

 

There are also traces of birth control chemicals in many water supplies...women take the oral contraceptives and release traces in their urine...this shows up in water supplies now. It's that prevalent...it's linked to prostate cancer in men and breast cancer in women...just by drinking water you get exposed to this estrogen-mimicking substances.

By 2020...cancer rates will increase 50% in the general population....

Not trying to be a bummer here...but we pay a price, as a developed country...and young people today are exposed to a plethora of chemicals in the developmental stages of their lives. It's very difficult to avoid exposure.

Folks are going to give a bunch of "touchy-feely" replies..."gender is just a social construct"...I'm telling you there are physical causes contributing to androgeny in the male brain...and it's root cause is exposure to estrogen mimicking chemicals.

 

It is very deep, this nuttiness. For our fourth child we decided to sink to using a dummy, so I went to buy one. 'Pink or blue?', they asked. 'Oh, any old colour will do', said I, before I got it. People are mad as hatters!

 

Twenty.

 

I never cared. When guys say that they have had tons of girlfriends, I feel sorry for them. They never got to have a good relationship. I'd rather have my current girlfriend than have to get a new one once a week.

 

I fit in pretty well with most guys. I also don't particularly like alpha males, but that's because I don't like overly aggressive people or people that think so much of themselves. I don't worry about what they think of me because likely they think nothing, they are too self absorbed to think anything of me.

I don't understand other men's extreme obsession with sports or competition in general. To me it's just a game and there are so many more important things to attend.

I understand the bro code and appreciate that there is a consistent code of behavior among (honorable) men and I also appreciate "guy humor" (Go see "this is the end" with Seth Rogan, it's a riot of guy humor that had me rolling in the isles)

Don't worry about manhood. Most men are nothing but big boys. Being a "man" is a level most men never achieve because to be a man you must drop the bull(*)(*)(*)(*) and just do what's right.

 

Acting macho is just a way of masking insecurity and fear instead of admitting that you have them (and we all do have them), and dealing with them.

 

From a 326 page report published by the government of Denmark in 2010.

 

I think it'll be quite awhile before the effects of our chemical driven society are.

Check out the effects of Teflon.

 

Teflon is also used as an inert chemical in many pesticides...with links to prostate cancer. I developed stage 3 prostate cancer at 42 years old...the treatment of which leaving me effectively ....sterile. Alive and cancer free but sterile.....
that's why this topic is something I try to spread the word about, because I've done some research. I was exposed to high levels of concentrated pesticides through my previous career....

Apologies for hijacking the gentlemen's thread and reduce it to environmental factors, for example exposure to chemicals..but I think there is a feminization of "maleness" occurring on two fronts....feminism which seeks to demonize natural aggressive tendencies of male behavior...and the environmental exposure to estrogen mimicking chemicals.

Our society is being feminized, attacked....on both a cultural and biological / chemical front.

Males are at a cultural cross-roads if you will...an existential moment of angst for our gender....what it is to be "male" is being molded to what females want a "male" to be...and molded by the environmental exposure of prevalent estrogen mimicking chemicals....

40% of households are single parent homes....with females as the head of household...UNHEARD of not that long ago...men used to embrace the responsibilities associated with raising a family..now many run from it...
men are simply confused on what role we play in society....

Two things are to blame:
1. Feminism.
2. Environmental exposures

 

I think you make some good points.

I have to say though that women, for centuries have been playing the role that men dictated for them, even to the point of being considered property and "toys". Paybacks are hell.

But I also understand how feminism and societal pressure has dampened the machismo and worked to put a mans place in society in question.

My apologies to AndrogynousMale for this diversion.

 

Man you're young. Give it time.

 

Be yourself, be an individual, learn as you go and eventually you will find your niche.

 

Well if it's any consolation to the author of the OP...all through my college and high school years...I detested the "frat boy" attitude so prevalent in many of my peers. I'm not quite sure if that made me a "beta" male...I was a military officer for 18 years...but a man does not need to have girls fawning all over them...to regard themselves as a man...

Just take care of business....this is what it is to be a man...avoid the Peter-Pan syndrome of thinking life's just a big party and responsibility is to be avoided. Take yourself, and take life...seriously. Pay your bills on time...respect authority...open the car door for women...hold the door for the elderly and women. Be a gentlemen....Those are Alpha traits....

5 children by 3 different women...
not so much....

 

I cant remember if you said you were gay/bisexual or not.
Maybe you are looking for approval from guys that remind you of your father.

 

I've heard similar studies before, but I've always thought the majority of them are BS. There's still tons of macho guys to be found everywhere. Guys like me are still definitely in the minority.

 

I'm hetero for the most part. The only types of guys I find attractive are the feminine ones, with a girly personality. Guys like this: http://instagram.com/p/ZnXszMSokZ/

I guess you could say that I'm attracted to femininity in both sexes.

When I talk about looking for guys, it's about friendship. I'm not looking to hook up with a dude.

 

ah, you mean those anime guys

always good to have friends

 

Most of that stuff that I ever felt actually turned out to be a result of me not living enough in alignment with my own natural masculinity. Most guys are a lot more masculine than they realize. Not saying that's the case with you. Only you'll be able to tell that for sure. But generally speaking, many of us become conditioned at a young age to detach from natural masculine behaviors and thought patterns by our environment which teaches us that they are somehow "bad," "wrong," "sexist," or "oppressive." When, in fact, they are perfectly healthy, and denying them actually creates a world of psychological issues. It makes us confused, insecure, self-loathing, weak, helpless, and depressed. The people pushing these anti-masculine ideas are unconsciously trying to force us to be more feminine. It's all part of the cultural marxist political correctness agenda. Critical theory. To tear down the natural order of the patriarchy with man as leader, warrior, protector, provider, head of society, and head of the household. It is mental slavery. Once I figured this out, I rejected it whole-heartedly and the empowerment I found underneath it was life-changing. I could never go back now. Being a man is too much fun. It gives me permission to do what I want and disregard social norms. It's changed my attitude toward challenge and hardship as something to be overcome now rather than something to be victimized by. It is opportunity. Not tragedy. It is a chance to grow. Stronger and more capable. It is the full embracing of life.

 

Property and toys? Or protected and cherished? Painters, sculptors, musicians, and artists of all walks of life have been inspired by and paid tribute to women since the dawn of time. Putting them up on a pedestal. While it's true that women have been devalued in some parts of the world and in some cultures, to claim that they have always been treated as inferior to men is to completely miss the context.

Observe.....

[video=youtube;8nSSIBQcMGA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nSSIBQcMGA[/video]

Modern women have been programmed to believe that respect, courtesy, and protection are oppression. And it's all political.