Dear mother of God, I'm absolutely petrified

Now, from most of my posts you probably take me as an aggressive, even arrogant poster who seems sure of himself. And I do take pride in that I feel I can back that up. But even the most intellectually aggressive, arrogant son of a B can feel fear, mortal fear. And though I may have rubbed people the wrong way and maybe I'm not deserving of it right now but I sure would like some emotional support.

This whole problem started on the 24th of November. I was depressed over how easily my relationship with my GF(My first ever relationship) literally broke apart in a couple of months.(And that's a whole saga, for a whole another time. But let's just say I didn't know how to handle the situation at all, and for the first time I felt confused about what to do.) After a few months of repeating to myself what had happened and why, I decided to try and put my focus on my interior decorating plans. Particularly for my home. That had worked to sedate the pain temporarily.

But in the early morning of the 24th, a woman was knocking on our door and that was unknowingly the beginning of this nightmare. She was in her 50's, slender and she appeared to be intoxicated(I'm not going to try and play psychic lol.)

It turned out she was locked out from her home, and she needed a place to stay. Being the idiot I am, we invited her in the house and my grandmother went to sleep in the bedroom. Leaving me to deal with the other woman. At this point, she was going on and on about needing a place to sleep and I'm like "There's a couch, sleep on it." But she wouldn't listen.

I thought I was passively listening, hoping to get her to sleep eventually. But because of my hearing loss, I leaned in closer and this is honestly where the mistakes began. It was at this point, my masculine voice kicked in: "Hey, girl in your house." And frankly, I didn't do near enough to get rid of it. That, and she was gently pulling my hair and calling me handsome.

Now, I'll admit to a personal thing: I've always wanted to be told I'm loved, and lovable. I never believed it from my family. Not that they didn't, but rather the value isn't the same you know? If bullies from the outside tell you you're worthless, the people inside look 'bias'd to me. Of course they'd love AmericanNationalist, he's their son, brother, etc. But is that really true? Am I really lovable?

I admit this: I would have been smitten for any woman who could have given me this. But back to the story and then my fears. So eventually she mentions how her clothes smell and things of that nature. And I offer to wash them(We have a washer and dryer.) as well as to turn on the bathtub for her.

It turns out she has a skin condition that made her bleed, and I turned the water on too hot, so I had to be in the bathroom and help get the bath temperature just right. After finally getting most of her clothes washed, and after she was done her bath. She finally sat on the couch then she called me...and I had the stupidity of following her.

Okay, and you can imagine everything that happened from there.(And yes, I wore a condom, but it broke.) We had tried to keep going(It ended up lasting I'd say anywhere from 25-30 minutes.) Largely because my hips and shoulders were so worn out, I couldn't even release lol. So yeah, I did it without ejacuation lol.

So, a day later I learn that the girl was actually married and I'm like "Well, ****." And I was worried shitless over whether the guy would punch my lights out lol. But what would later happen, turns those worries into nothing.

So around the 30th, my bottom started to irritate the living crap out of me. Which was annoying, but then it got to a point where my penis was also irritated. Flash forward a few days later, my neck feels on fire at times from the inside. And I can't ejacuate anymore, at all.

And just an hour ago, I had a random case of diarrhea. Individually, some people might pass it off(like my grandmother.) Collectively, I'm freaking my **** out. How did I stupidly stumble into this situation? And how can I calm my mind from fearing the worst possible case scenarios?

 

You thought with the branch office now it’s time to take it to a doctor.

 

Go to a doctor and get checked out - tomorrow.

 

Yeah, thing is with my CP I never really learned how to drive. It's always been my grandmother driving me. But I did finally convince her to take me to the ER tomorrow. I'm mentally prepared for the worst, and hoping for the best.

 

Don't know what you've got, but I'm thinking you need some antibiotics.

 

I'm really hoping it's one of those things that I can clear up with the antibiotics(I'd been spending far too much time since the 1st of December reading about this stuff more than I'd care to. I thought I'd been a decent, abled person. But then I let a combination of depression from losing a GF, and lust/curiosity get the better of me.)

 

Well, you've let this thing develop long enough. Make sure you see a doctor tomorrow.

 

I'd like to thank you for your kind support. It really means a lot. I know we ended up agreeing on the threat posed by Kim Jong, and I think we might've agreed on other topics as well but they don't come to mind at the moment lol. I hope this all passes by uneventfully tomorrow, and I can share the good news and return to political topics and engaging there.

 

If it's something antibiotics can deal with, you should be feeling better soon once you start taking them. I hope that's the case, and you can chalk this up to experience.

 

Yeah, I'm not taking it that far ever again until A: We date for a few years lol, and B: Maybe, even up until marriage. I mean, I never really believed in that "holding it until marriage" deal, but now I'm such a strong believer in it lol.

 

Once you see the doctor and get this thing on a treatment plan you are going to feel 200% better, mentally and physically. Wish you the best.

 

Well it doesn't sound to me like you've contracted something from her which will be fatal, so all you can do is write it off as one monumental error of judgement. But to invite an unknown person into your house - and a drunken one t'boot? Wow that is beyond stupid!

 

I know, and this is one time I'm not going to defend myself lol. In fact, the more negative berates the better. It's because my grandmother had been inviting these neighbors into our house and at that point I was like "whatever" and gave up lol. Plus the worst case is if we did close the door and she'd keep knocking ROFL.

 

Of all the doors in the vicinity, AN, she knocked at yours. Word must be out on the streets how hospitable you are? lol Hope it works out for you - and let it be a lesson to you also?? lol

 

Definitely a lesson lol. In so many regards lol. I didn't really know who to turn to, I didn't want to talk to my biological mother about it(We live apart.). I didn't want her to feel any shame and embarassment over her son. And well, I really summoned up the courage to talk about it here. Not that I think I'm one of the more popular ones here(probably, most definitely not) but I do have an inner circle of friends(such as you and Seth) and I was worried about what judgment would be passed on me as an individual.

 

I sense I'm probably a bit older than you, AN, and I've made worse mistakes than yours. The time to freak out is if you make the same mistake again - now that really is stupid!

 

You were vulnerable and you messed up. You aren't the first and you won't be the last guy to do so. It doesn't make you a bad person, merely human. Deal with the infection and move on with your life by learning from your mistake.

On the positive side you had already broken up with your GF so she is not going to remember you as the guy who gave her an STD.

 

That's just it: I never did get it on with the GF. She wanted me to do it(that's why she invited me to her room, duh lol) but I didn't catch the signals and she sent me out of the house as quickly as she invited me ROFL. After that, we mostly spoke on the phone(and by speak, I mean we had the most mundane, pointless arguments ever lol.). And she basically gave me the 'silent breakup' not too much later(late June of this year, the relationship really started in mid-April.) Yeah, that's how "long" it lasted and why I was crestfallen.

Oh, and an update: My grandmother was convinced(after much convincing) that I could set up an appointment at Planned Parenthood for STD testing, this friday. Knowing that I have an appointment and that we'll figure this out, gives me renewed peace in mind. Unless something absurd health wise happens in 48 hours lol.

 

Blimey I've been married once or twice for less time than that!

 

So good news today, I went to Planned Parenthood and gave a Urine sample and took a HIV test. The HIV test came back negative, and the lady told me that they'd either call me in 7 days to follow up if they detect something in the Urine sample, or they won't and in that case everything else came back negative too.

So far so good, I'll definitely know more in the next week but for now at least the worst case scenarios have been avoided.

 

It takes time for some infections to produce a positive. You should probably get tested in a couple of months again just to be safe.

I never consider a negative a negative until I have two consecutive tests separated by a couple of months.

The chance that you contracted AIDS is less than 1:1000 - even if she has AIDS you didn't wear a condom at all!

 

I wore a condom, it broke.(Well that might be the same thing lol.). Yeah, I know I'll need the second test to be completely sure. But I'll ask my physical care doctor to administer the test. That Planned Parenthood is a bit far and my mom would be pissed.

 

Yeah, no sweat. But I totally understand the panic!

One night I had an allergic reaction to some new laundry detergent. I woke up to find my balls screaming red and itching like crazy! I had just divorced and was seeing escorts so you can imagine my panic at 3 AM. I had a threesome scheduled for that night and had been looking forward to it for weeks. So at 8 AM I was knocking at the clinic door. But the doctor finally assured me it wasn't an STD. Whewwwww!!!! I explained it to the women who had a good laugh over the entire episode. By then the redness had mostly subsided. But they too knew all about the 3AM panic mode! Then you start looking at photos of all the diseases which REALLY freaks you out.

 

ER? Screw that - they overcharge so badly.

 

Yeah lol. It's like "I enjoy my healthy sex life, I didn't want to screw it up!" And I guess I'll know definitively whether or not I screwed it up. But I'm a bit more confident that I'm safe now, then I was before the test(obviously.) And that confidence is really what I needed. The scare was a life lesson though. Screw the one-night stands, it's all about finding someone who loves me and vice versa.