My Second Life and other Secrets

Discussion in 'Member Casual Chat' started by HereWeGoAgain, Nov 25, 2016.

  1. Ritter

    Ritter Well-Known Member

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    Had. Thanks for proving my point.
     
  2. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    And my ex wife.

    This is about living in the moment and not having long-term expectations. I'm too old for most of these women, So we just enjoy the time we have together. But with Number One it was certainly true love - the kind of love that lasts a lifetime; and according to some, perhaps many lifetimes.
     
  3. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    They are not intended to be permanent. That's the point. Is that too complicated for you?

    But I've had sugar relationships that are better than many marriages. And we don't end up hating each other.

    You've never been married. Have you had a girlfriend; ever?!?!
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2019
  4. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    if number one got married would you inquire about swinging?

    at the very least, it would be a great cuckold in your favor. usually the younger buck cuckolds the older buck.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2019
  5. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Your passive-aggressive behavior is obvious and getting really old. If you think you're being clever, that is just sad.
     
  6. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Oh my gosh, she is already flaking out again. I'll give her a few but this is definitely strike one.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2019
  7. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    I still can't get head around what Number One told me. She did fall in love with me.

    Part of me is really happy. And I'm glad she told me. But part of me thinks my head is going to explode. Part of me feels like I can't handle this.

    She admitted to loving me after we had been together for 18 months. But it took her all this time to admit that she was IN love. If only she would have been willing to let go of her defenses. But she was like this with everyone back then. She has learned to open up as she has gotten older.

    For the first time I told her that I knew she loved me before she did. I knew it the first time we made love instead of just having sex. I knew it immediately.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2019
  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Just to cover my bases I checked one of my accounts at dating sites and found a response I'd never answered from a beautiful young woman. I saw she was online so I asked her out. She said okay in about 30 seconds.

    I think that is the fasted date I've ever made. It took all of about two minutes. LOL!
     
  9. XploreR

    XploreR Well-Known Member

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    Love is the most powerful of all the natural forces. It is ALWAYS a positive force in our lives. You have been fortunate to have experienced it so powerfully. I continue hoping for the best outcome for you & your lady. :)
     
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  10. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Thank you.

    I have always been a romantic type but was completely unprepared for what hit me. I never imagined that love like that is real. In a moment my life was changed forever and that has come to define my life. Powerful indeed! I never ever imagined... So what are the odds of finding that again? That has been my bet ever since. How long do I have to look - how many women do I have to meet - to find love like that again? Is it just a number's game? I decided the best chance of finding love like that again is to meet as many woman as possible. So far I've reviewed over 5000 profiles and met 128 women... I've made some great friends and have fallen in love a few times. But I haven't found anything close to what I felt with Number One. I figure I'll find true love again or at least have a great time trying. :D I'm not frivolous about it. I am trying very hard to find true love again. I try to give each new relationship a chance. But when I can see it isn't going to happen, I move on.

    I would still marry Number One in a heartbeat. And I'm still very perplexed. She has kept me at arm's length for 4.5 years. Suddenly she really wants to talk. She tells me she fell in love with me. I'm thrilled that she wants to renew our friendship. But it is a little hard to believe that's all that's going on. Either way, I've always said that I'll take her on any terms that I can have her. If she just needs a friend, so be it.
     
  11. XploreR

    XploreR Well-Known Member

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    You appear to be in a positive, open-minded, expectant, accepting frame of mind, & willing to accept & work with whatever relationship develops with your special lady. I see that as a truly loving response to your situation, & one difficult or impossible to improve upon. From my perspective, both you & your special lady are fortunate to have each other, regardless of the form your relationship eventually takes. I'm excited for you both. :)
     
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  12. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Thanks again. Very few people say anything nice; much less anything that nice! :) I take a beating but I think it's a story worth telling.

    She emailed again yesterday and urged me to continue the discussion and tell her more about what I've been doing. This is the first time she has ever opened the door like this. And I'm not sure where this is going. I don't want to assume anything but want to make it clear that my feelings haven't changed. I want her to know how much she affected my life but without causing her any guilt. And don;'t want her to think I've lost perspective; but I don't know the proper perspective here. So I briefly described my search for true love - to find someone to love as much as I love her. We were always honest with each other and I guess there is no sense in changing now. And if there is any chance of her yielding to her love for me, I need her to know that I love her as much as the day she left. I can't take a chance on not making that absolutely clear. And I can tell that she is still processing her feelings.

    I knew even way back, the problem she has struggled with all these years. I'm too old for her so she doesn't want to be in love with me. But she fell in love nonetheless.
     
  13. XploreR

    XploreR Well-Known Member

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    Romantic relationships that span generational gaps are rare, but not unheard of. I've know a couple of them personally, that succeeded nicely. There are historic examples that were quite astounding. It sounds to me like you are both handling this opening with honesty, sincerity, mutual respect & a genuine affection for one another. I don't know how one would improve upon that. :)
     
  14. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    :) I had to go through a good bit of rationalization to justify my feelings. But I kept coming back to the basic argument that there is no such a thing a bad true love. I knew this was something beyond my experience and nothing about it felt bad. My heart always told me that this was something pure and honest.

    Before she left, we sat and talked about our 3 years together and what we had learned. The very first thing she said was that this has cured her of ageism. When two people genuinely connect, the awareness of age slowly drifts away. She didn't see me an older man anymore. She just saw me as a man she loves. From that day on I never let age be an obstacle again. As long as a woman appears to be a reasonably mature adult, if I'm interested and there might be a chance, I go for it - always being careful to avoid being the creepy old guy. :D But a fair percentage of young women like older men. And I can relate because as a young guy, I liked older women.

    That said, marriage is a bit of a different matter. But if a woman doesn't want to have children, then I don't see a problem. If she does, I can't really offer her a life. I'm too old to be starting a family. What we had was wonderful and age didn't matter. But it could definitely matter later. Maybe she has decided not to have kids.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2019
  15. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Waiting to find out where she is going with this is a bit agonizing. But I gave up on any chance long ago. This came like she came into my life the first time - like a bolt out of the blue.
     
  16. XploreR

    XploreR Well-Known Member

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    Well, the two of you have already had a deep, positive impact on each other. The love that made that possible appears to still be there. Wherever it takes the two of you now can be worked out thru continuing communication. Listen to, & follow your hearts. That will guarantee the best outcomes. Whatever the two of you determine that to be, I am happy for you both. :)
     
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  17. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Well, I put it out there. First I wrote her a fairly bland email discussing what I've been doing since she left. But I felt I needed to make clear how I feel. I finally managed to find the right words to make clear that I will always be here for her as a friend. She can come to me for anything. But my feelings haven't changed. I still love her as much as I ever did. Then I mentioned a good number of reasons why I fell in love... or I should say, why I continued to fall in love with her more every day.

    I think I set the right tone. Without knowing what is going on in her head, I need to be careful and not say too much. But there are things that couldn't be left unsaid. I've never had this chance since the day she left. So now she knows for sure. She is and will probably always be the greatest love of my life.
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019
  18. Polydectes

    Polydectes Well-Known Member

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    I won't say I've been through the same thing but something along those lines. Glad you made it through.
     
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  19. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    Thank you and likewise. Perhaps you can relate when I say that the notion of a mid-life crisis has been trivialized. It is a profound time when begin to face your own mortality, and then decide how you want to spend the years you have left.

    I could spin myself into a tizzy thinking about her. But I got it out and now I need to return to the moment. Unless she definitively reaches out for more, I can't allow this to send me spinning out of control. If she does, then I would do anything to have her back.

    But tonight I have a beautiful, exciting young lady coming over for dinner and an evening. I can't allow a potential reality to get in the way of the current reality.

    I find that this lifestyle, for a hopeless romantic like me, can be quite taxing. It is difficult for me to love or have feelings for more than one woman at once. And I still have feelings for two other women. I have fallen in love at least twice since Number One left. I still feel that love. It is a difficult emotional balancing challenge for me. It is funny how music comes to mind in times like this. I have often felt torn between two lovers,. But I have learned to love the one you're with. :D

     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019
  20. liberalminority

    liberalminority Well-Known Member

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    it was not aggression, you are able to purchase love and that is praiseworthy.

    the elderly should be allowed to cuckold the young by leveraging their wealth, because they have suffered more.
     
  21. Polydectes

    Polydectes Well-Known Member

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    I haven't made it to that age yet but I've had similar life altering events. I wish it was that I bought a sports car and stopped shaving but it was much more complicated.


    I think if people were honest with themselves it's difficult for everybody. There were other factors taboos and traditions influencing me. It was difficult to convince myself those didn't matter. It's still difficult today for both my lover and I
     
  22. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    So are many mid-life crises. That is the number one age group and gender for suicide. And suicide accounts for 2/3 of all deaths from guns.

    Men commit suicide at a rate 4 to 10 times higher than women.
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2019
  23. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    I call this my second life because in every way that matters, the night I tried to pull the trigger but stopped, my life still ended. That isn't a metaphor. The life I had always known ceased to exist and I became an entirely new person. I had to die to survive.
     
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  24. Polydectes

    Polydectes Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I certainly thought about it. but one thing people say that I have to disagree with I wasn't thinking about it because of the sigma from other people. People like to say that.
     
  25. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Banned

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    I don't tend to think many adults would allow stigma alone to drive them to suicide. But it is a problem with kids and teens. That's for sure.
     
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