Does anyone else feel alienated by their own gender?

There's a happy medium between macho men and sissies. It's called being a man. You can be sensitive and manly both, ask my wife.

There are all kinds of men, unfortunately you were not given a role model to grow up around and I think that has had some affect on your sliding scale of gender identity and attraction. You don't need to go to a sports bar and watch the games with a bunch of neanderthals. I wouldn't be caught dead with a bunch of drunken tools getting vicarious thrills rooting for a team because they play in the right city. I'd rather watch a movie with my wife.

But I like building things and working with my hands. I like shooting and blowing sh!t up too.

 

A retired Navy SEAL recently revealed he is gender confused and is undergoing a sex change...male to female. There isn't much out there that more personifies male machismo than a special forces operative. ..and here a dedicated warrior had gender confusion most of his life. He always felt like a woman...

So I do not think there is much to gender stereotypes...


The overly machismo male, just may be over compensating for something else...

 

If it bothers you that much, then the most honest advice is first to stop adhering to an 'androgynous' fashion sense. You might think of it as 'individuality' but really how a person dresses shouldn't be a significant part of their sense of 'individuality' or 'who you are', and like everything else, it's a choice.

If you do it then you're marginalizing yourself on the first impression, and it probably affects your sense of self esteem. Just like a guy covered in tattoos and piercings might give off a bad first impression if he applies for a daycare position. He might be a totally competent employee, but the impression wouldn't be flattering. Complaining that "it's just a social construct" or that "people shouldn't judge me for it" isn't going to change what it is.

Though ultimately how you act is a lot more important than how you look, but on a similar note, there's no reason to force yourself to dress in a way that 'gives off' the impression of 'effiminateness' if this contributes to social anxiety - how a person looks/dresses isn't a huge important part of who they are, so on the same note, if you dressed more conventionally or 'manly' it wouldn't make a huge difference on who you are, but it might eliminate some of the feelings of self-consciousness you have. If you place your whole identity on dressing a certain way then that's not good.

As far as 'alpha males', you should learn what a real alpha male is. It doesn't involve just being 'muscle bound' or playing football, it's about an inner character and way of thinking. There are books on the subject that you can read. In general alpha men are not whiny, they are financially and self-reliant, assertive and unconcerned with others 'judging' them, and understand that they are responsible for choosing their own path in life, not 'victims' of circumstance. Many men who may 'look tough of macho' are complete beta males behind the veneer.

Some of the attitudes you've shown are very beta and if you learned to change them you'd be more self-confident and unconcerned about rejection. Ex. you complained you wished you lived in Japan just because "androgyny" is supposedly more accepted there, and believe this is the reason why 'girls don't like you". Well you don't live in Japan, and ultimately having an insecure or 'victim' attitude plays a bigger role in why girls don't like men, than just 'how they look' - the beta male attitude is to just whine about their circumstances or how things "should be", the alpha attitude is to deal with the circumstances and find a way to make the things they want come to pass, regardless of the circumstances

It sounds like you lack self-esteem and seem to think that if you aren't a 6'4'' 230 lb linebacker or olympic powerlifter then that makes you a 'sissy' or someone who 'can't get laid'.

While I don't think that having an 'androgynous' fashion style is a benefit in any way, it's ultimately the least of your problems. Even if you looked like Brad Pitt, if you had the exact same attitude that you do now, you might attract more immediate attention from girls or women, maybe even score a couple 1 night stands at a bar just by your looks alone, but if it came down to a serious relationship with a mature person, then you probably wouldn't be able to hold the attention past the 1st or 2nd drunken 1 night stand.

This isn't an insult, it's just a sincere analysis of how you need to improve. I've seen guys who looked very 'nerdy' or were short, fat, etc but were with very beautiful women because they know how to act alpha. For women especially how a man acts is much more important in creating lasting attraction than "how he looks".

 

Don't let the judgements of others distract you from your goal, but be honest with yourself about your short comings and constantly seek to improve yourself. Great men are not born great. The Wright brothers did not come flying out of their mother's womb. One day Bill Gates did not just (*)(*)(*)(*) out billions of dollars. Focus on improving yourself with unbreakable determination. Money is what makes the world turn. You can become a Billionaire if you truly want to. You can become one of the most intelligent human beings on the planet if you truly want to. There are many things wrong with the world and you in your current state are incapable of making a big impact on the world and changing it for the better, but once you reach your potential and become the person who you always wanted to become you will be able to accomplish anything.

 

Interesting side note - one of the reasons a lot of Asian girls prefer to date white men is precisely because they find Asian men too effeminate. I thought this was interesting because I had always noticed the trend, but I never really understood the reasoning behind it. But apparently this is a popular sentiment.

 

Don't buy into the whole gender thing, make friends of people you like . I understand that the young are searching for roles but you are not obliged to pick any .
My friends are a guy and two women, we are together for +25 years , we have the same codes and gender is totally irrelevant, from what i have seen the same happens to other companions . "Bro" stuff are childish and only villagers care what others think of them.