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Iceland Bans American Televangelists
AUGUST 22, 2017 BY ANDREW HALL

29 COMMENTS
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image: http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/laughingindisbelief/files/2017/08/turf-house.jpg


Iceland bans American televangelists. Traditional Icelanders living in turf houses rejoice.


Reykjavik, Iceland – This island nation situated in the North Atlantic took a monumental leap forward today by passing legislation banning American televangelists. The Icelandic Psychological Defense Act (IPDA) takes effect immediately. No American televangelist may set his or her foot in the small nation of 330,000 souls. No programming by such people may be shown on Icelandic television or played on the radio.

Genesis of the Icelandic Psychological Defense Act
Like most of the world, Iceland is watching the United States of America with growing concern. President Trump won the election in part by blowing demagogic dog whistles so loud even racist German Shepherds across the Atlantic could hear. Many in Iceland wondered if he could’ve won without the support of conservative churches and their faith-based flocks hoping for the biblical apocalypse?

The answer is obvious.

Prime Minister Andrew Kanard touted the IPDA while soaking in one of the many hot springs the country enjoys:

We in Iceland value our relationship with the United States of America. It is a great nation with a history they should be proud of. Currently, however, they seem to off whatever medication their doctor prescribed for them. Iceland wishes to support our friend in need. In that spirit, we are sending teachers over there to educate and assist rural communities infected with ignorance and superstition. What we will not do is allow ourselves to be invaded by that ignorance and superstition which is propagated by televangelists.

Icelandic Psychological Defense Act’s Controversies
The decision to ship vital resources to the United States is done with a heavy heart. Much needed resources slated for sub-Saharan Africa must now be directed to the country with the most bloated military budget in the world.

“It’s a waste. They are willfully ignorant. It doesn’t matter how many math textbooks you give them. They have the Bible,” remarked one anonymous African politician.

Icelandic and American conservative Christian relations soured ever since Iceland declared Christianity a public health threat. This new action is causing American televangelists to declare a spiritual holy war against Iceland. Prayer groups are forming to pray-bomb Iceland back into the Bronze Age. If they are successful, then it is expected the country will become the 14th state of the Confederacy.





Read more at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/laughi...-american-televangelists/#1fA1AfgWs0pQKMxd.99

 

Being A Christian Is Easy As Pie!

Let your unsaved friends know they don’t need self-esteem to be Christians. In fact, self-esteem is a barrier to salvation. Christians don’t think positively about ourselves, for our faith teaches that we are miserable beings, born into sin. Every one of us is so despicable that we deserve to burn in flames forever. It is only by the grace of God that we will wind up in Heaven—we have certainly done nothing to deserve to be there. Christians take no pride in anything we accomplish on Earth, for worldly accomplishments are evil (1 John 2:16; 1 Timothy 3:6). True Christians®, like many psychiatric outpatients, think of ourselves as totally undeserving, wretched beings, who are lucky God has decided to spare us. In other words, one needn’t seek psychiatric help and eliminate feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness to be a Christian. Those emotions are the essence of our faith and a key to our salvation.

Let your unsaved friends know, as Christians, they won’t have to worry about or deal with their problems. Are they poverty-stricken? Illiterate? In ill health? In an abusive relationship? Secular thought would have them seek education, job training, a healthier lifestyle and divorce to overcome these problems. But True Christians® know better. We tell them they shouldn’t be ashamed of their plight at all. In fact, they should be proud to be disenfranchised. After all, the meek, the poor, the hungry and the persecuted are blessed (Matthew 5:3-6). They will be rewarded in Heaven for their suffering on Earth. Become a Christian and you will no longer feel compelled to cope or deal with your mortal problems.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/easyaspie.html

 

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