Smartie's Bar & Grill #68

There's a difference between being brutally honest and just honest. The age-old question of wives to husbands "Do I look fat?" is an example.

"Yes, you're a fat pig" vs. "I love you honey and you look beautiful". It's a matter of perspective, but the first reply can easily be the lie and the latter the truth.

 

This is a **** test question. There are ways to handle them.

Let's think about what other truths there are about that situation.

~the dress is the wrong color
~the stripes should be a different size
~ the stripes should be vertical, not horizontal. lol
~the cut of it is wrong and it doesn't look comfortable
~ anything else which you can observe.



When you were single, you answered in a certain way. Think about that. Should you answer differently because you are married? Seems like bait and switch.

So, just answer as you would if you were still single.

It's up to her to figure out what she looks good in and what turns you on. It isn't your job to dress her. It's not her job to dress you, either. If she is picking out your clothes, get a grip on yourself.

No need for an answer. She knows how she looks.

 

Nonetheless, answering with love is still not a lie. Again, there is brutal honesty and just honesty. We all have choices on whether to live a lie or not.

As for the attire question, there are ways to handle that without lying and without hurting her feelings. It does require more intelligence to do so, however. It also requires more love as opposed to not giving a damn what she thinks.

 

You'll have to give me an example of answering with love. Those who love us do not lie. They may gently tell us the truth, but denying something happened is simply wrong in any circumstance.

So, give an example of your love in how you would respond.

Remember, she knows exactly how she looks. Will you lie or tell the truth? Your turn. I gave my answer.

 

Maybe she dresses for her own comfort and in her own style instead of dressing to turn anyone else on?

 

Not an issue. She still knows how she looks. If I was with her, why would I think she wasn't attractive? Does she think I am so beaten down that I think I have no choices, but her?

If she's asking these questions, there is a problem with her respect of me. If she respects and loves me, she will keep within a range of size, for lack of a better term.

The problem is not how big she is. It's how much she gives a damn what I think. Apparently, not much, or she would not have let herself go.

 

Obviously looks don't mean a lot to some people. Not everyone is married to an attractive person. Plenty of overweight and unattractive people are married.

 

Yeah, I went both ways and married one of each. Doesn't matter. There is more to it than looks. However, though my second wife was a larger woman, she certainly knew how to look good.

So, I disagree with your assessment.

There are women who care how they look and those who do not.

What you are doing is blameshifting.

 

Blame? I don't see how there is any blame in this situation. Some people are just unattractive on the outside, and that doesn't matter to some people at all.

 

For women (or at least for me), looks are a little important but not the most important, so if there are other good qualities that the person possesses and if they have it together, then the looks can be easily overlooked. I think looks are probably most important when it comes to first impressions.

To be blunt, I've met people who I thought were really unattractive but the more I got to know the person, the more attractive they became because they had other GREAT things about them that are just as sexy if not more so than looks.

 

I agree. It isn't looks for me, but they have to be part of the equation. Unless the two aren't going to have sex. There are those types of relationships.

It takes me a hell of a long time to get close enough to really want to have sex with a woman, even when she is very pretty. Maybe moreso then? I'm a different type. They smashed the mold after me, cause they were so shocked and terrified. hahaha

On the other hand, if there is no natural attraction, and I mean more than that, there will be trouble. I mean, there are women I have been astonishingly attracted to and don't know why. When I got near them, they immediately became a distraction to thinking. I think it's a chemical level. I don't think it's something that can grow or be trained. It just is. And, it must be there.

That has little to do with looks, but some. She has to be someone I can feel good about and respect. She has to be truthful.

Really, there are so many things, I honestly can't list them all. I can only say, it is not just looks. Too many women think it is.

What I was saying was, if she is going to ask me if she looks fat, I'm going to think she doesn't respect me. I may answer her like I did one of my wives. I might tell her that dress doesn't look good on you. I won't say she is fat. That's relative. If I'm still there, she isn't too fat for me. it seems so obvious. I guess it isn't intuitive for everyone.

 

Well, I suppose most people have a certain personality type, a certain look or a certain thing that they would find attractive. I mean, some people have weird fetishes and will judge people by their feet!

I am a petite woman. I am quite tiny actually at only 5 feet tall, and I had a guy who wouldn't quit staring at me at the local Dunkin Donuts. He came up to me and asked my about how tall I was. Then he proceeded to say how he liked petite women and it was a little creepy the way he was looking at me. I think he had a type of "fetish" for small women. Lol! I was just like, "yeah, thanks" and smiled and left. Awkward!

 

Well, he was a creeper. It's one thing to look and another to ogle. Obviously, he had little respect for you as a woman and saw a body, only. I have been known to look, but I am not the type to be like that. It takes a great deal more for me to want to get involved in sex with anyone. Even those with whom I am chemically attracted won't have me trying to bed them. I might talk, but it wouldn't be like that, nor would it be very long, unless there is a connection which we both feel. Then, I can talk and talk.

Do you have particularly large feet that make a flapping noise when you walk? LOL just teasing

 

Meh, when you are a woman, you tend to get used to it. You just learn to brush it off.

Lol! No my feet are small like me. Size 6!

 

haha Nice to make you laugh.

 

eating is an intimate moment, having a relationship with the animal shows it that you love it, and it will give consent to sacrificing its life for you.

animals who were not loved and did not give consent to being sacrificed would be barbaric to eat.

 

My wife is kind of afraid of our rooster(Sasquatch). She wants to cook him as the Thanksgiving Turkey. He's big enough.

My wife would say you have big feet. She wears a size 5.

 

Speaking of feet, I just got a new awesome pair of boots. I saw them in the store, DSW, a few weeks ago and haven't been able to get them out of mind!

Well she has feet the size of a child. Lol! My feet are still small no matter how small your wife's feet are.

 

I agree. I could never kill an animal that trusted me. I wasn't raised on a farm or anything though.

 

Betraying that trust that the animal has in me is what would make me feel the worst, I think. Also, I think the fact that women are mothers and natural nurturers makes the act of killing an animal harder for us. We want to care for, nurture and make things grow strong and healthy. We don't want to harm and kill things.

 

That's it. That's the difference.

 

In my experience, very few intelligent good looking women have ever been "promiscuous". Many men who should have known better have been promiscuous, but even most men are too cautious or too busy to waste time and energy on empty relationships.

Fight your cynicism - it is probably why you seem to be just a bit too self critical.

 

Good morning barflies. Got us another Monday.

 

Yes, she does, but, IMO, often that question is more about what the mate thinks about how she looks. In short, the question often means "Do you still think I'm attractive?" or, more to the point, "Do you still love me?"

FWIW, men and women do communicate differently. Compared to men, women have enhanced communicate abilities, but in reality, when the "Y" chromosome kicks in during gestation, male communication abilities are attacked (and aggression is ramped up).

Example:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/quilted-science/201401/male-brain-female-brain

 

Any man who does not voluntarily tell his mate she looks good is not worth having. Same with any woman who never tells him he looks great. If you're not there for your spouse, she/he is better off alone.