Parkland survivor David Hogg says he's been target of 7 'assassination attempts'

FROM THE DIARY OF DAVID HOGG: MY FIRST ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT.

So there I was, preaching the faith about gun control to My Annointed Ones. But this is hard work so I decided to duck into Subway for a Veggie foot-long with kale and milk sauce. Just then, a couple of Masked Nigerian White brothers wearing red MAGA hats and Trump buttons attacked me! "This is for The Second Amendment!" they said as they began to hit me with all that they had! Luckily, I used the moves I saw watching Star Trek: Discovery in my parents basement and bravely fought off both attackers! As they ran off, I cried "You shall NOT pass!" and hoisted my milk sauce high! Surely this assassination attempt would be reported back to Trump HQ with news how they had failed to quench my fighting spirit! Placing a noose around my neck as a sign of victory, I waddled home to my boyfriend and shared the news. Of course, we didn't report this to the police, as that would be playing into the hands of the Illuminati. Best to keep our quiet - for now.

That night, my boyfriend and I celebrated my bravery and daring defense with a triple-soy diet vanilla ice-cream and an asparagus protein shake while watching Doctor Who under the moonlight.

 

Wouldn't the fact that people tried to kill him 7 times have been in the newspaper? HE is telling us there were 7 attempts but no details. Just a tad odd, don't you think? He really is just a narcissist craving attention...

 

I guess he better get a gun.

 

Link us to one.

 

Was that you idea of what a threat looks like? If so, I'm sorry for asking in the last post.

 

He is literally a little Hitler. Literally. What a POS and horrid by product of our education system.

 

Sure, if by people laughing at you means success to you, like some of the posters here.

 

We did Nazi that coming.

 

No, just high on Tidepods.

 

LOL

 

FROM THE DIARY OF DAVID HOGG: MY SECOND ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT.

It was later that week that I traveled to Dallas, Texas in order to preach to the heathen unbelievers of the righteousness of mu cause. Despite the fact that these Texans were unworthy of me, I magnanimously was willing to bring myself down to their level and talk to them about the superiority of my beliefs in order that I might reason with these savages. While in a motorcade along with my boyfriend, I spotted what looked like Rush Limbaugh wearing a MAGA hat and with a rifle pointed towards me on a grassy knoll! Like the hero I am, I leaped out of the car, ran towards Rush and smashed my cup of diet mint tea over his head, then decapitated him in the spirit of peace that I am known and beloved for. While many of the media there wished to report my triumph over evil, I sternly told them not to as it might offend someone. Of course, the media was obedient and obeyed me without question.

That night. my boyfriend and I celebrated by going to Nordstroms and shopping til' we dropped. I bought a fabulous makeup kit and some hi-heels, while he bought several sets of handcuffs and the entire series of West Wing on Blu-Ray.

 

It has happened numerous times that some hate monger on the net has fired up some knuckle dragging half wit who has then gone out and shot at some Republican lawmakers having a softball practice.

 

Who knows. Does he have a brother? Mine tried to kill me and we never filed police reports.

 

If you count my cat, I've been the subject of hundreds of assassination attempts!