Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Sad.

 

'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. '

 

What do electric cars and diarrhea have in common? - The idea, “I will make it home.”

 

That moment when your teacher gets very angry with you because you’ve been nervously clicking the ball pen, but you still have to click it one more time to be able to write.

 

Stormy Daniels is selling sweatshirts with a picture of Donald Trump's junk.

 

Unknown Aircraft: “I’m f…ing bored!”.
Air Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!”
Unknown Aircraft: “I said I was bored, not stupid!”

 

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign “Speedbird 206”) after landing:

Speedbird 206: “Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway.”
Ground: “Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!”

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop.

Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by a moment ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing. I didn’t stop.”

 

A polite way to call someone a bastard.

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first two holes.

The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"

The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He then confessed that he was the pro at the neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation of $80. And, if you want to, bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them."