MIRACLES - "You've really got a MOLE on me" BEATLES - "Twist and GOUT" IRON BUTTERFLY - "I'm a godda da PEEDA"
Here's something for all you medical know-it-alls . .. .. Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus? It is called the "anal optic nerve". It's responsible for giving people a "(*)(*)(*)(*)ty outlook" on life. If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
Did you know? That the words "race car" spelled backward says "race car". That "eat" is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells it's past tense "ate". And..................... Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants" and add just a few more letters, it spells out: "(*)(*)(*)(*) off and go home you free-loading, benefit grabbing, kid producing, violent non-English speaking ********ers and take those hairy faced, sandal wearing, bomb making, goat (*)(*)(*)(*)ing, smelly ******** bastards with you." How weird is that?
I got a camera for Christmas, but whenever I photographed people they came out looking bald-headed. I found out today that I've been using Kojak film.
I was at my buddies house last night, and when he went to take a leak I changed my name on his phone to "National Lottery Headquarters." Gonna phone him after the drawing tonight.
After I woke up this morning I saw a note on the fridge that my wife wrote: "Had to rush off. I'm not sure but I think we need bread, milk and eggs." Before I left for work I checked. Then I wrote at the bottom of her note "You're right, we do." Now she's mad at me.
Go to Google Type "50 most popular women" Click on the first link Check out #7 Let me know if you laughed
I was watching “The Walking Dead” last night and thought it was pretty good… until I realized it was the Rolling Stones performing in concert somewhere.
"Three brothers went out West to establish a cattle ranch, but couldn't think of an appropriate name for it. So they wrote to their father back East, and he replied, "Call it Focus, for that's where the sun's rays meet."" --- Isaac's Asimov's Treasury of Humor
A woman who lives down the street was walking past our house with two dogs. "I didn't know you had any dogs," I said. She said "These aren't my dogs, they're my sisters." "In that case," I said, "you have some ugly sisters."
I bought a new microwave yesterday but I think I got ripped off. I keep pushing the popcorn button but nothing comes out.
I got home from work yesterday and the wife had lit candles on the table with some wine, my favorite meal and a wrapped gift on my chair. "I love you so much, hon," she said. "Merry Christmas!" "You're kind of late, aren't you?" I asked. "Funny you should say that," she started........
My buddy's wife says she enjoys the freedom of not wearing a bra. My buddy thinks she does it to hide the wrinkles on her face. My wife, on the other hand, is so very lovely, wonderful, gentle, kind and beautiful I love her so very much she is the best wife ever and she is looking over my shoulder at this very second.....
I read in the paper that an amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ. It is believed to be so offensive that St Peter's church in Miami have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy Green from Dallas has written in to the local newspaper. When will the madness end?
A blond takes her goldfish to the vet, and tells him she thinks it has epilepsy. The vet says it looks fine to him. Blond says, "Well, just look what happens when I take it out of the bowl."
The new girl working down at the bar said "Thanks, hon" when I tipped her last weekend. I guess you could say things are getting serious between us.
