Age difference in a relationship?

We're getting way ahead of ourselves. I haven't even decided to ask her out yet, and I may never even do that. I'm just wondering if the age difference is no big deal or if it's insurmountable.

If the age difference was just 10 years, I would have asked her by now. But 19 years seems daunting.

 

The only time age is important in a relationship has to do with mental maturity...as you have already stated you and she share interests and are compatible in mind, you are 90% there. If you pass up on this, all regrets are your own creation and the lost futures will give you many in time.

 

Oh! Sorry about that.....

Well, Tex, there's only 2 people who can determine if the age diff makes a diff to them or not and that's you and the lady. She may have the hots for you like you have the hots for her or m/b she just wants you as a close platonic friend......if you think you know her well enuf by now - ask her.

You sounds like a really decent, caring guy, which she would appreciate and every woman neds, so.........let us know how it turns out.

 

Why not tell her you enjoy her company and would like to just hang out and see what happens.

You don't HAVE to do a traditional date. Just start having lunch with her on a daily basis and see what happens.

 

Actually I'd say that's precisely the opposite of what you're doing...

...which is why you imagined this.

SomeOne else claimed it quite some time before I did, so if you have a problem with it I suggest you take it up with Him.

Wrong question. What you should be asking is how divorce and remarriage can affect the children involved - not that you're interested in the answer.

 

Well.... duh! I don't know who 'him' is, but you're quoting 'him's' words, so why can't you answer the question since you're using them as your own?

And as far as how divorce and remarriage can effect the kids involved is easy enuf to answer......it depends upon the parents!Sometimes the remarriage is a good thing for kids, sometimes it's a bad thing for kids. Everyone is different!

Sounds that sound strange to you?

 

Yes, some people can be very forgetful indeed, when they find it convenient.

 

It will if you make it work. It won't, if you don't.



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The problem is both spouses have to do their part in making it work.

Hey, Tex, ask Dr. Phil ........

 

I think the age difference is no big deal. I would, however, look very seriously at her X, the relationship, custody issues, etc. That could be a big headache.

 

Yup. 'You' is plural, didn't mean to suggest otherwise. My point is the couple decides what they want out of it and what they will put towards making it happen. What's "good enough" and what's "too much work." No one else can tell them if it will work out, but no can tell them it won't either.



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The danger is the initial infatuations that the age differences can bring can wear off. Differences can initially be attractive, but can later become a problem. Or not.

The long term danger is to the OPer, as he literally will increasingly be her "old man." Men tend to peter out as they age sexually. What then? This will particularly be a problem if she is attractive as you will increasingly face competition for her as you get older and older.

 

Go for it, Donald Trump is 69 and Melania Trump is 45. I don't hear either complaining.

 

My cousin married a man 20 years older than her 4 years ago, she's two years younger than me, he's 61 and so far so good, he does take good care of himself they are both very fit and healthy and very happy together. Suppose the real test is still to come, when he is 70 and she is 50....but then again look at Rupert Murdoch, probably one of viagra's biggest supporters lol (ps. sorry for sending the conversation in "that" direction but it's something you are going to have to consider )
good luck

 

I say go for it - the only thing guaranteed not to work for you is never asking her out in the first place. Don`t think yourself out of what might have been a good thing.

Forget about the age thing.... age is a state of mind anyway. I`d be more worried about going out with someone you work with... if things go sideways in the relationship, it can carry over to work and make things awkward. But if she`s in a different building and you can avoid her if need be, then what`s stopping you? Faint heart n'er won fair lady.

 

Worst case scenario. You get rejected. She politely declines your offer to go out together on a date. If you have to see her every day at work, it might be uncomfortable. This is one of the disadvantages of work relationships, however you mentioned you're being transferred to another building. So in the event of this worst case scenario, seems to me you won't be running into her every day.

If you're already having doubts about this, and you haven't yet formally asked her out and made it known to her you want to go beyond the platonic work relationship...my guess is you shouldn't pursue this any further.

Dating her isn't going to change this doubt. It's always to going to be there in the back of your mind..."is this too big of an age difference?" She could tell you over and over, the age difference is not a problem for her, but since you are bringing it up to us strangers...clearly the age difference bothers you. It's always going to bother you, regardless of any affirmation you receive from us, or from this gal.

Anyway that's my advice, from a confirmed bachelor, so take it with a grain of salt.

 

My grandmother got remarried when she was 45, with 3 kids. The guy she married was only 21. In fact, her two daughters were older than him and my dad(the youngest kid) was only 8 years younger than him. My grandmother just passed away in September at the age of 88. Up until then, they were both happily married. 43 years together with a 24 year age difference.

My husband is 58, I'm only 32. This month makes it 8 years we've been together(married for just over a year).

In the end, all that matters is what the two of you think. But if you don't ask her, you will never know what could happen.

 

With your respective ages I think it would work because you seem to have the most important thing for any relationship to work, and that's compatibility. Without that, no partnership would survive - or at least survive in equanimity. It really depends upon whether or not you'd begin to feel insecure about the disparity, especially in, say, twenty years time.

 

The age difference isn't too much. Now, if you were 34 and she was 19 years younger...that could be a problem.

 

It is a potential source of conflict, depending upon the personalities/wants/values involved, but no I don't think there's anything about what you described that makes it unworkable. I think it's less of a taboo than if the genders were reversed, but that's mostly based upon how our culture views things. In the short term, the workplace is the thing to be more cautious about in terms of things like sexual harassment - but that seems unlikely given what you've described about your interactions with her. Confident but not aggressive would be a good approach if that fits who you are.

 

Anything over 10 years is pretty strange looking to outsiders. Don't let anyone tell you differently. No matter where you go, people are going to think you're using the younger woman for sex, she's using the older guy for money. You won't be able to shake that stigma easily. She's young enough to be your daughter. I know some people get off on that sort of thing but it's creepy.

I'd say go for someone closer to your own age.

 

Oh come on, you're really going to use Hollywood celebrities as some sort of standard? These are people with millions of dollars, plus fame and fortune. They can select from anyone they want based on that alone.

 

It is. Your first instinct is correct. I know a younger woman is going to be hotter than an older woman 9 times out of 10, but you're probably going to have more success with someone closer to your age. Even though you feel you're compatible, 34 is a completely different stage of life than 53. How can it not be? Like I said, she's young enough to be your daughter. That doesn't exactly bode well for a future relationship.

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That's because she is married to someone worth billions of dollars. Most women will overlook a lot for the opportunity to be in that situation.

 

Well, the guideline I've heard is half your age (rounded up) +7. For you that would be 34, so according to that guideline, she barely fits. I am 50, though, but I can't imagine dating a 32 year old.

 

Well yeah, you do have a point there. Guess that was a poor comparison. A very wealthy 63 yr old ugly toad could easily marry a 23 yr old and she'd be so much 'in luv' and so happy, knowing her future was financially secured whether he died first or they divorced.

I must have been having an off day when I tho't that......