Dating Advice for my son

Discussion in 'Member Casual Chat' started by gorfias, Jul 4, 2019.

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  1. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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    My son is pretty buff, makes good money, working in HVAC while putting himself through an Associates in HVAC. But he keeps starting relationships in bars and clubs. And they end quickly. Not a good environment.

    Work is where I met my wife. Not a lot of ladies in HVAC. He's not going to meet his S.O. there.

    Any advice on where he should be looking?
     
  2. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Well-Known Member

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    Online: It's a number's game. But if he is willing to invest his time, meaning reading lots and lots of profiles, sending thoughtful, relevant messages to lots and lots of women. eventually he will strike gold.

    The first date is ALWAYS a coffee date. It's easier to get women to meet for coffee rather than something more involved. It gives you each a chance to bow out without too much invested. And it allows you to make sure they are who and what they say they are.

    I date sugar babies but the same rules apply. Spend a lot of time reading and responding to interesting profiles. Contact as many women as possible. Go on lots of coffee dates. Be patient. It's a numbers game.

    They like to see lots of photos of the man doing things. So if he's into sports or whatever, post a lot of photos of him doing things with other people. That seems to be a real thing for a lot of women in the regular dating world.

    Oh yes, don't prejudge. You can't know what a person is like from online conversations. You have to meet for coffee and see if you have that special chemistry. So don't be too choosy. I've met women who were gorgeous in person who didn't look nearly as attractive in their profile photos.That's why you do coffee dates. to sort that out.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2019
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  3. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Well-Known Member

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    Almost forgot something important: He may need to explain why he wants to meet for coffee. The point is, it generally allows for a quick meet because it is so low key. But women can be put off because they are expecting the offer of a nice dinner or something more personal. So be sure to feel that out and explain that it is so much easier to see if we might connect in person. I really like you, or find your profile fascinating etc. So if you might be interested, I've love to meet and see if we click.

    if she is interested already, she may up the ante and suggest dinner. And that's fine. But the coffee date is the key to meeting many women fairly quickly, without a big commitment. I've been on 122 coffee dates. So it cost me about $2400 to meet 122 women. Of those I've dated 15 for more than a few dates.

    Also, practice makes perfect. My coffee dating skills are now highly refined. :D The practice really helps! And meeting so many women has given me an entirely new perspective.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
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  4. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    1) Spend time in a local coffee shop instead of a bar...weekends are best.
    2) Realize you aint all that even if you are and act that way.
    3) Be 100% Honest at all times and ask her more questions than she asks you.
    4) Females desire a good man not necessarily a buff one....that's just a bonus.
     
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  5. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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    Thank you both. I'd not heard of the coffee date thing before and I'll try to fit it into conversation if I can do so.
    Wife just told me that during the conversation I overheard about his dating trouble was that the women he was meeting in bars are not "wifey". Seems he's looking for someone he wants to at least try to be with for a while.


     
  6. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Well-Known Member

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    Women on EHarmony are looking for husbands.
     
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  7. Gatewood

    Gatewood Well-Known Member

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    If he is in any way religious then he has already got a built in system; as all churches tend to make it quite easy for sincere young men to meet sincere young women in a civilized environment.
     
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  8. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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    My fear for him there is that might be too fast! He did have one girlfriend... er, "friend that was a girl" that was pressuring him to get her pregnant. But.. thank goodness I'm married and out of all this drama. One girl in his midst (and his friends midst) is a modern girl, enjoying sex with many men but the men are falling in love and wondering how she isn't getting serious about any of them. He would like to date someone that would make it somewhat exclusive and see where it goes from there. I mean, he has concert tickets and no lady he'd like to bring with him yet. Ah the things that are important to a 20ish year old.
    He is not religious. Maybe I can get him interested again for this reason. He did go through a Christian process that makes him a Protestant Christian when a young teen. I do not think he's been to church since then. Can't hurt to spend a few Sunday mornings there.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
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  9. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Well-Known Member

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    So he wants a regular piece of ass. :D

    Between you and me, ;) a lot of young guys have been damaged by watching too much porn and not spending enough time socializing. It is a real problem, which is why men my age can date women in their twenties. One young lady told me she is dating men my age until boys her age grow up! I don't know about your son, but if he is like a lot of young men, he may have underdeveloped social skills and unrealistic expectations of women. I hear the complaints from young women all the time.

    Food for thought
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
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  10. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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    I do need to feed him the idea that, if he wants a girl to be loyal to him, vice versa matters as well. He does have a lot of growing up to do.
     
  11. VotreAltesse

    VotreAltesse Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    1) Be pretty sure to be mentally stable yourself and being happy by yourself, if you seek to be happy by a relation, then you risk to be disappointed. You may become more happy with someone, but if you're miserable, the other one will make you happy for a few weeks, then you will become back miserable.
    2) Take time before time, when you have sex with someone, you get some ocytocin shot during sex that create chemical attachment.
    3) For a man, think a lot (rationnaly) before marrying, most of the risk in a marriage is for you.
     
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  12. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I'm realistic. I don't want to advise him to go MGTOW but Family Law is insanely biased against men. He says he wants a "wifey like" girlfriend but he's seeing some of his friends go through a lot of the dangers involved in relations (at least 2 are in their early 20s and accidentally fathers already).
     
  13. VotreAltesse

    VotreAltesse Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I don't think aswell that going MGTOW is necessary. He just need to remain cautious.
     
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  14. Ritter

    Ritter Well-Known Member

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    MGTOW is the least manly route a man can take.


    Nightclubs and bars are dumb places to chase after love at. Primarily because no woman has ever attended these places with that intention. But, also because these are places where competition is unreasonably high and because these are places where women tend to be on "full defence mode" as they are used to creepy and pervy drunktards doing gross stuff to them, which leads women to reject guys even if they find them cute, sweet, nice and/or funny.

    The same applies for the "matching apps" the youngsters of today use to meet the opposite sex; Not very useful for the one who is searching for love.

    I think that it maybe is a bit more difficult to find love today as committing is something that is not really encouraged by mainstream culture and there are also some problems approaching women (or at least it is perceived as such) since Feminist narrative has done a great job stigmatising it, causing many men to regardi even a simple compliment as a no-no.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2019
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  15. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    These are reasons I recommend a coffee shop.

    Easy access and exit if required.
    Relaxed and casual atmosphere.
    More mature (not just age) women.
    No alcohol fog or Goggles.
    Usually close to eating establishments if the "Date" goes well and you ask her to lunch or dinner (highly recommended).
    Instantly designates him as more intellectual vs. a drunk.
     
  16. Ritter

    Ritter Well-Known Member

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    The problem is that most people of today are afraid of talking to strangers unless alcohol is involved and most people are also afraid of going to places like coffee shops alone and if they have to be at a coffee shop alone, they always sit with their phone so that it seems they are not alone. :p
     
  17. jay runner

    jay runner Well-Known Member

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    Met my wife at church. An old top sarge clued me in that that's where the good women are.
     
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  18. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Those are personal problems generally overcome by confidence, which is also an extremely important aspect of this.
     
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  19. Gatewood

    Gatewood Well-Known Member

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    It's one of the places to go when one starts getting serious about life and relationships. Almost as good can be hobby orientated meetings. The problem with that is that one actually has to take an interest in the particular hobby; and it's no use faking an interest.
     
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  20. jay runner

    jay runner Well-Known Member

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    She loved backpacking, camping, canoeing, hunting, and fishing, plus she can sew.

    It's been 41 days, 41 nights, 41 good years to wear the ball and the stripes. JK
     
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  21. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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    So if you see an age appropriate female sitting at a coffee shop, you'll try chatting her up? My kids love Dunks which is mostly drive through but I'll try to slip this idea into conversation. I thought you meant use mostly social media and go from there.

    The boy went with a 1/2 dozen pals to a beach club with loud live music last night. He showed me a video of of them partying, singing and dancing... with each other. He says the male/female ratio actually favors men there but it was so loud you cannot speak with each other so they aren't mingling! I mentioned that I'd seen a post in a forum where they advise going out for a coffee. He seemed skeptical but open. We'll see. He saw "Just Friends" where Ryan Reynolds tells a young man that wants to get out of the friend zone that he must ask his lady interest out for dinner. Not lunch. Friends don't ask each other to dinner. Otherwise he'll be treated like her brother. Or a lamp.
     
  22. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    In my experience the key in any initial meeting involves Eye Contact and facial expression from afar before any actual face to face begins. By engaging in subtle flirtation of the eyes a stage is set before the play even begins, in this way he not only limits possible rejection but gets to decide if pursuit is even worth it. This is where a coffee shop is also well suited as it is usually bright and relatively quiet.
     
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  23. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Well-Known Member

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    Haha, yeah, that's why I gave up on night clubs. You can't talk!!! LOL! It truly is worthless for meeting people.

    Tell your son a 50 plus year old man you know has dated about 22 very hot young women [most in their 20s], using coffee dates and playing the numbers. I have talked with over 500 women, online.

    The key is the coffee date.

    As for church, if he was really religious that would be one thing. But don't fake religion to get laid. And I wouldn't get within a light year of a church woman in any event. But I left religion in the dumper where it belongs, long ago - right after I put a gun to my head.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2019
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  24. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Well-Known Member

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    It will give him a chance to develop his social skills. Learn to talk with women. Expect to get rejected a bunch but know there are plenty more out there.

    I've never done the meet up group thing but that might be a good way to go as well.

    Note: Don't start yoga to meet women. The women all know this one and you aren't supposed to talk. LOL!!!
     
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  25. gorfias

    gorfias Well-Known Member

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    Great advice, thank you. I'll try to keep slipping it in to conversation. Religion and Yoga definitely sound like the wrong track for him. He loves hanging at the gym. Probably Yoga rules apply there as well.
     

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