Farming - What Would Your Dream Farm Be?

Discussion in 'History and Culture' started by The Rhetoric of Life, Jun 12, 2021.

  1. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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    Inspired by this show on Amazon Prime I binged watched earlier called Clarkson Farm;

    Jeremy Clarkson takes up farming because he bought a farm in 2008 and the person who ran it for him wanted to retire and Jeremy Clarkson decided he wanted to run it himself (with help, of course)
    ...

    If you could buy a farm, where would it be, how many fields would it be?
    IDK...

    Are there even farms for sale?

    https://www.rightmove.co.uk/commercial-property-for-sale/property-90160660.html

    I found land for sale.

    IDK how big it is and how big I'd need it to be, but, it's a start.

    I chose Bromley because, if I had a farm, why not Bromley?
    It's in London, it's big, it's green...
    Why can't London have more farms?
    ... I could drive my tractor to West Wickham.
    I could drive my tractor to my house! (Thornton Heath)...

    How much would starting a farm even be?
    The land, tools, builders, the things you want to farm, the paper work, the running costs, and how much does it pay?
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2021
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  2. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    I watched Clarkson's farm too.
    I also live on a farm.
    It's non stop work for very little profit.
    I love living here but I'm glad it's not my job.
     
  3. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    It's 0.099 of an acre. An acre is a chain by a furlough or 22yds x 220 yds. That means the plot of land for sale is equal to 22yds x 22yds for £18,000.
    That's not a farm it's a couple of tennis courts.
     
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  4. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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    I just saw that actually. I was excited because I saw land and saw it was where I wanted my farm, and hoped the surrounding areas would be up for sale too not that I can even afford to buy the farm in the literal and figurative sense, but it's an acre (basically).

    This won't do.
     
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  5. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    It's in the link.
    In the first picture it's the area coloured red.
    I don't understand the price. Agricultural land averages about 8k per acre here in East Anglia.
     
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  6. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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  7. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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    I saw that when I went back to the page after I saw you spot the size, still, my initial reaction was 'land!' and it was where I wanted my farm...

    The only problem with that acre is, the 999 around it won't be for sale or cheap.
     
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  8. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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    https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Attra...-c47-t122-Bromley_Greater_London_England.html
    Just because I don't see any farms on the market, doesn't mean I couldn't just, in theory, if I had the money, just buy one out through invitation to treat and take it over and get my farm in Bromley like that.

    Christmas Tree Farm, maybe, I wonder how big it is? Can't seem to find an answer online.
    ooo Charles Darwin House!

    I mean, it won't be bringing any new Farms to London if I did that though, so, IDK, but a farm in Bromley's a farm in Bromley.

    I'd like to grow and raise what I like to eat and what's fun and seasonal, and do some wilding and give back to the people so, a lot of inner city schools coming out and learning farming on their doorstep.

    If they legalise the ol' THC in Mary Jane, that and just be like Randy Marsh on South Park and f' the food and produce and wilding and get my Tegredy on.
     
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  9. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    A thousand acres is a pretty big farm.
    The average size of a farm in England is 130 acres.
    The one I'm on is 100 acres.
    It's the dozen or so small fields surrounded by hedgerows in the centre of the picture.
    [​IMG]

    With the house and all the land it would probably sell for around 1.2 million.
    The farm relies on diversification to survive.
    We have half a dozen ''camps'' each summer which are the difference between surviving or not.
     
  10. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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    I have my eye on Christmas Tree Farm in Bromley.
    It's further, a lot further than my acre I was excited about near West Wickham but, it's in the right part of the country for my dream of having a farm in Bromley.

    Here's an aerial shot here.

    I honestly don't know how big it is and what's the farm and what's not.
     
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  11. The Rhetoric of Life

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    If I could buy that acre and buy up 999 acres around it.
    Turn a would be tennis court into a working farm that's into food production and wilding and leisure, to have my farm in Bromley.
    I'd grow apples for cider since it's also be in Kent and cash in on that whole 'Kent Cider' thing, if that's even a thing.. I'd grow barley for Beer (hate it in my food, useful for my larger), and blackcurrants, and sell bottled Snakebite in a licensed farmers market/bar on tap as well as larger and cider.
    I'd also sell black currant juice and black currants.
    (how many acres do you need for 1 crop though)?

    I see at least 3 vacant fields next to that acre if I bought it and bought up all the 999 around it.
    https://www.rightmove.co.uk/commercial-property-for-sale/property-90160660.html
    This is where I'd start a farm in Bromley and buy out 999 acres around it, in Keston..png

    I also see houses...
    I guess they'd be my neighbours if I find acres to fan out away from them for my dream farm, or I'd have to worry about where these people are going to live and buy them all houses somewhere else - but let's just say that I bought them out and they were bought up by yours truly.
    I'd knock them down and buy a fam house there and maybe barns and tool sheds too, I figure it should be great for road access.

    Then I'd just see what minerals or springs and whatever else this 1000 acre chunk of Bromley had.
     
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  12. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Who art you going to get to pick your fruit?
    Farmers all over the country are crying out for farm labourers.
     
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  13. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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    Back packers :D
    Charge them, they get to pick fruit all day, party in the West End all night.
    To get around immigration laws, I'd call it a working holiday I've sold them.

    Labourers from the construction industry! I'd just hire a bunch of Labourers with CSCS cards, different agencies and whatnot...
    They don't mind hard work and landscaping. Just do tool box talks for health and safety, brief them, teach them how to use any hand tools, hire people who hold heavy machinery certificates and licenses and / or learn how to drive heavy machinery myself.

    Good question though, I like that because that problem actually never occured to me.

    Also, I'd buy a really expensive combine harvester too and rent it out to other farms outside of London or anywhere I can get to with it and harvest their crops for them too - this way I'd know my crops are always going to be harvested on time, and I can make it make its money back renting its services out to other farmers who might not be able to afford this.

    Hire a few trusted people who know what they're doing and learn on the job Jeremy Clarkson style.
     
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  14. The Rhetoric of Life

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    If I had all those acres with all those plots, I'd have to turn 1 acre plots into bigger plots so I could work out what grows where meaning, that big field is growing that, that big field is growing this, and have like 14 bigger plots out of 1000 acres and see what resources if any I have.

    So lets say field 1 is apple trees, field 2 is black currant, field 3 is barley.
    That's still like a lot of land, so maybe work out storage and living and other things a farm can do.

    Like Potatoes, Chicken and Pigs for Eggs Chips Bacon or bangers and mash.
    Pork Chops etc. Roast Chicken! Fried Chicken.

    Should probably work out what I like, and how to grow and raise it and what's the best for what I want.
    Assuming there's a farm house, barns and like 10 fields, 9 fields. with other fields hosting rock festivals maybe or building yurts for Airbnb for people to holiday there or whatever, have a trout pond if tuna and cod are out of the question.
     
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  15. politicalcenter

    politicalcenter Well-Known Member

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    I would try to find the most unkempt , rundown , poor excuse for ground I could find. Hopefully with some level ground if the land is hilly. I live in the mountains. Then I would fence it. If I had to get a small camper to put on it to live till I got the house up. Then livestock . You do need water , a stream would be ideal, a pond would work. A well or city water , electricity , etc.
     
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  16. The Rhetoric of Life

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    I'd look for all of that, and maybe this won't be my only farm.
    Since it's so close to London, I doubt I'd find any brooks or springs I could clean up, so if I had a farm in Spain and sold only to UK from the EU and even call it 'Your Produce Secured Farm' or 'Old El Paso' and only export to Britain and do whatever paperwork is needed so UK will always get produce it likes from Spain; I'd look for better land than my local in the town over.

    Again, talking about dreams, I'd probably find some nice idyllic farm in England outside of London or probably not even in the same side of the country as London, to which I can be more fussy about what I'd be able to buy since I won't be limited to proximity and creature comfort of being able to also retain my home here now in Thornton Heath and drive my tractor to it from my farm in Bromley and live between here and my farm house maybe - but I know I'd like to live here with a farm in Bromley I could commute to on a Tractor if I need to do domestic stuff too.
    That would be awesome!
    Actually, parking might be nightmare.
    But any new farm in the London Area couldn't be a bad idea for biodiversity if I rewild parts of it too for the government.
    I assume doing this to a land like that that I'd be expecting to rely on city water, but I would love it if that 1000 acre area had spring water or mineral water I could test and use and sell so I would survey the land and that will be 1 mineral and resource I will be looking out for, but it's more about location so if it doesn't, it doesn't and I'd have to rely on the city water instead.
     
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  17. The Rhetoric of Life

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    I'd brew what I grow on this farm, so I'd need a couple acres to do that on for disterlies too.
    and I'd need storage barns too.

    Then I'd need to workout how many seasons and things there are to grow.
    and grow what I want and know how many crops can be grown in 1 plot of land in the year where I live because I'm thinking winter crop summer crop and Halloween Pumpkins and Christmas turkeys too to add to the poultry farming so, IDK.

    I want:
    Apples
    Black Currants
    Strawberry
    Potatoes
    Barley
    Pigs
    Chicken

    Niche crops and produce:
    Pumpkin Patch
    Turkeys - How long does it take to raise a turkey for eating, over a year? A couple of months?

    Misc:
    Farm house
    tractors and attachments
    storage barns and silos
    Water system hen houses and pig pens and things that pigs need.
    Water supply and if possible, spring water.
    Farm Produce Shop / Bar
    Distillery
    Rewilding
    Leisure and tourism field
    Solar farm or wind farm for me and everybody
    Fuel and food
    Management and staff
    Paperwork so an office (could be in my farm house or my house in Thornton Heath).

    With like 14 lots on 1000 acres, too much? I mean, some field I can grow different crops in for crop rotation working with the seasons, chickens and turkeys won't take up a lot of room.

    It will be a big farm if the average farm is like 160 acres.
     
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  18. The Rhetoric of Life

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    Can we grow sweetcorn in the UK in the open air?

    I'd grow that for food and decorations and make it the first fields people pass when coming in from Croydon, will be my corn fields if I can and I'd pass it too when going to Croydon and the house I live in now that I'd retain.
    So much I'd like to grow there.
    Peas, corn, carrots, broccoli, and plums .. Onions and spring onion too etc.

    I'd always want to get the best price for what I grow and raise so I'd have to get a certificate too and comply with all of that.
     
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  19. The Rhetoric of Life

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    [​IMG]
    That, I'd want that for my farm in Bromley.
     
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  20. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    You really are a city boy aren't you?
    Yes, corn grows well in the UK.
    We grow around 500,000 acres a year of maize.
     
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  21. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    You should get an allotment.
    https://www.bromleyparks.co.uk/our-...allotment sites,Managers and members of BALGF.
     
  22. The Rhetoric of Life

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    I'm talking realms of dream farm and thinking personal big dreams.

    If I got one/an allotment, it'll be the one down the street I once put my name on the waiting list for in 2019 when I looked for my new cat who went missing for a month when I first brought him home, if not that allotment, another set of allotments nearby. The only reason why I'd ever want to own anything in Bromley, would be to have a farm in it, nothing else. That's just personal reasoning there and how I view the borough in my mind.

    But no, having a farm in Bromley and living in Croydon would be a dream for me.

    Sorta like that 'If Money Was No Object Thread' but, specific to having a farm, your dream farm, what would it be, where would it be, what you do grow, raise and do with it?
     
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  23. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    OK, I'd have a small pineapple farm in Hawaii.
    Or maybe a vineyard in the Douro valley.
     
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  24. The Rhetoric of Life

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    I'd grow pot in Oregon too. lol

    If you watch South Park, if UK legalised pot, I'd turn my entire farm in Bromley into Tegredy Farms and just be like Randy Marsh instead, but it hasn't yet so, food and produce and wilding yay!.
     
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  25. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Pot wouldn't be grown outdoors on farms in the UK.
    It would be grown indoors under lights.
     

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