Has anyone else felt like this? **WARNING: TEEN ANGST**

It's midnight and I'm hella confused, so this post is probably going to be rambly, obtuse and gramatically dodgy. But what my English teacher doesn't know won't hurt her.

Sooo...I've been a communist for over 2 years now. This might not sound like a lot to you, but it's more than a seventh of my life. And lately, I've just been feeling thoroughly "bored" with the way I look at everything, from politics to philosophy to language to science. I don't have half the revolutionary passion, zeal, militancy, that I once had. The problem isn't that I'm becoming disillusioned with Marxism or that I feel particularly demoralised about the possibility of communism; on the contrary, every time I waste another minute in the hamster-wheel that is our education system, every time I hear of another wartime atrocity or terrorist attack or poverty statistic, every time my parents come home from work or have a financial scare (and my country's economy is in turmoil right now, so there's no shortage of that) my ideology strengthens its grip. But although I still feel more than ever that communism is the best system for humanity and the only thing which can get us out of this mess, I've become bored of feeling that way.

Sometimes I like to pretend otherwise, but when it's late or I'm disillusioned I can admit it: I am chiefly attracted to communism on a theoretical level, an ideological level. I was drawn to it in the first place because it was theoretically and philosophically interesting, and to my 12-year-old self in 2014 it was the intellectual equivalent of a particularly thrilling theme park ride. By the start of the 2014-5 academic year (my last year of the equivalent of middle school) I had been voraciously hoovering up Marxist and anarchist literature and its political/sociological/philosophical cousins for several months, already flirted with several tendencies, written and spoken - sometimes in front of hundreds of people at school - a lot on the topic of communism and was enthralled by the possibilities of the ideology. My theoretical knowledge was not the strongest and I would change opinions every month, but it kept things interesting. I felt as if my worldview was something exciting.

Since then, some stuff has changed. My knowledge of theory is far better, and I have joined and subsequently quit a party, having done quite a bit of political work with them in between. But I no longer feel like Marxism has anything to offer me. I read other stuff now, and sometimes I want it to convince me. The fact that my political positions and general worldview have barely shifted in over a year unsettles me, and I want to change just so that I can experience the same intellectual rush, but I know that I am still a Marxist and will need a lot of convincing. And then if I do change, I'm going to need some serious self-reassessment, since for so long the foundation of my worldview has been my Marxism and advocacy of proletarian revolution.

I don't know what function posting all this on the internet actually serves: getting it off my chest, mostly. Has anyone else felt this sort of intellectual boredom and restlessness? Is it a teenage thing, or a revolutionary thing? Any comments appreciated.

 

Look, theoretical is nothing other than that..... Theoretically I should be able to jump to the moon given the right amount of leg strength. That doesn't mean it's realistically possible in practice.

I'll say this much - a wise man once said that collectivist (progressive) at 20 has no heart but if they're not individuals (conservative) by 40 they have no brains...... You're 14....... You feel conflicted?

Well it will take you 14 years for you to even understand what communism has brought to this earth.....

Look, you will probably have a different perspective in 14 or so years..... Socialism seems good to every kid because you have zero practical life experience. Mommy and daddy take care of you and that's all you know.

You're 14.

 

It's not a teenage thing it's a human thing
It means you are "growing" intellectually, we are driven by curiosity and have an insatiable need to learn. You've clearly exhausted this particular topic and simply needs to find something new to stimulate your mind.

The secret is to not box yourself in and never to allow others to do this to you either. So you've labelled yourself a communist, perhaps you should reconsider that label to something broader, something that will allow you to grow.

Personally I prefer no label whatsoever, it allows me to grow uninhibited and experience life in it's fullest. It also allows me to have conflicting opinions and it means I do not have to adopt someone else's ideology.

You're very smart, I'm sure whatever you choose to explore next will be worthy

 

She is pretty smart considering her age.

AA

 

Her age is irrelevant to me, I've read many of her posts and it's clear she has the knowledge-base to back them up

sorry for talking about you as if you're not here PC lol

 

I never inferred anything to the contrary.

AA

 

Ah yes, the identity crisis of youth. (And I'm 20). Listen, you're smart, intelligent and it's nice seeing someone else who's young get a head start on politics. It sounds like what you need is your own brand of Communism. You know the basics but you also see things the original theory doesn't. So mix it up a bit, make Communism work for what you see.

 

Communism doesn't work.

It is contrary to Human Nature.

AA

 

Cool, glad to know.

 

Who says she is really 14?

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Like what knowledge exactly?

 

good point

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about communism, she obviously studied it thoroughly, whether you agree with her or not

 

I find it highly unlikely in the extreme she is a she and is 14.

AA

 

If she did actually study and actually look into the idea of communism she wouldn't be a communist given that in practice it has murdered at least a quarter billion people since the Bolshevik Revolution....

She may have studied 60's communes but not communism as practiced around the world and as it has failed around the world.

 

it was all a bit tongue in cheek, since we're on the internet and many claim to be something they are not lol

just go with it

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I'll let her argue this point with you

 

Argue what point exactly?

The fact she is allegedly 14 or the idea that communism actually works?

I'm open for debate, but all the facts are on my side.

 

I don't believe in communism but then again this thread is not exactly about that, it's about something very personal for her.

Is she 14? I'll take her word for it because it doesn't really matter to me all that much if she's not, wouldn't she rather lie and say she's in her 20s, that's usually the case.

 

As you said she will have to answer but I am fairly sure she is male.

Her profile specific to her use of verbs and adjectives as well as her sentence structure shows me there is a 87% probability she is male.

AA

 

now she's male as well as not 14 lol

 

LOL!!!

Pretty much!! LOL!!!

Hey....the math and science doesn't lie! LOL!!

AA

 

Well, one of the problems with Communism is when you concentrate too much power in one place, that power often gets misused. And economic power is a form of power. That's why an influential upper-middle class tends to go hand in hand with more political freedom. People with a lot of surplus wealth have the means to organize and pay other experts to gather information, in ways that can directly influence government.

 

This is "HER"....tell....sentence.

" By the start of the 2014-5 academic year (my last year of the equivalent of middle school) I had been voraciously hoovering up Marxist and anarchist literature and its political/sociological/philosophical cousins for several months, already flirted with several tendencies, written and spoken - sometimes in front of hundreds of people at school - a lot on the topic of communism and was enthralled by the possibilities of the ideology. My theoretical knowledge was not the strongest and I would change opinions every month, but it kept things interesting. I felt as if my worldview was something exciting."...unquote....Preteen Commie

AA

 

you know what I think, it's because she's not native English, it's a language issue, not a sex issue

also, be careful she might do an "AA" impersonation next lol

 

Oh I would LOVE to read that!! LOL!!

Sure....there is a possibility she is what she say's she is and you might be right.

But from what I am reading....unlikely.

AA

 

so how do one verify an identity, should we put our twitter handles in our profiles?

 

actually if they become conservative at 40, it's cause they killed too may brain cells

.