Letter from Britain -- I

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Doug1943, Aug 24, 2019.

  1. Doug1943

    Doug1943 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I'm an American -- a real American, from Texas, not California or New York or one of those places -- but I've lived abroad for a long time, mainly in Britain. (My British friends sometimes ask if I get homesick, or will return, and I tell them that yes, I will, when my excellent team of lawyers finishes the plea-bargaining process. I've had to learn how to compete with these people in their sense of straight-faced outrageous humor, well-described by Bill Bryson in his Notes from a Small Island.)

    The culture is different here. Americans -- and Canadians and Aussies and Kiwis and the English in South Africa and Zimbabwe (if there are any left) -- are just mutated Englishmen and Welshmen and Scotsmen and Irishmen transferred to different environments where natural selection favored some traits and extinguished others, and where genetic drift and "founder's effect" (at the level of memes not genes) then did their work.

    It's a polite country, although you might not believe that in certain areas of Glasgow on a Saturday night when the pubs close. (Google 'Glasgow handshake'.) Actually in certain areas of any big city here. Or even any large town. On almost any night, come to think of it, in some places. Although then we may be encountering the effects of "colonizing in reverse" and the joys of multi-culturalism.

    In any case, the dominant, or at least official, culture includes civility and politeness as a central value. The Britons who went out and settled other continents found themselves in a different, often more violent, environment, and were shaped accordingly. New Zealand was probably the easiest place to settle, and thus it is no accident that these people are most like their originating island in their habits.

    America was the most difficult, in terms of the numbers of native inhabitants who had to be exterminated or pushed into Bantustans, and the lethality of the fauna, and it has shaped our culture. I can bring conversation to a dead silent, embarrassed, is-he-joking? halt at any British dinner party when the conversation turns, as it almost inevitably will, to the latest mass shooting. And it seems like there will almost always have been a mass shooting in America within the last three days.

    As an American, I'm always invited to endorse the unanimous opinion (Labour, Liberal, and Tory -- including without any exception I have ever encountered, the most virulent right-wing hang-'em-and-flog-'em Tory) which is that there is something wrong with those people, why don't they just ban the damned things like we did a hundred years ago and let the killing be done with knives, like civilized people -- and I then opine that, actually, I share the view of those Americans who consider owning a good assault rifle the way they consider owning a vacuum cleaner ('Hoover' over here -- I didn't know he was an inventor) -- no big deal and doesn't everybody have one, and does yours have a good set of laser optics?

    And when I'm asked by someone if I miss America, I always reply that, yes, when I take stroll around our village at night ... I do miss the sound of gunfire. This is almost always understood as a joke.

    I then explain that the culture is different. The English actually have a very violent history. Remember that Game of Thrones was modelled on the Wars of the Roses (no, the English love gardening and in particular are great cultivators of roses but this was not a dispute over Floribunda versus Grandiflora).

    Their Civil War saw 3.6% of the population dying, either killed in the fighting or from disease. By contrast, only 2.6% died in World War I. (Americans can take pride in their nation: our civil war killed about 5% of the North's population and 15% of the Souths..Yay, we're Number One!) They didn't hesitate to cut off their King's head -- "Sir, I shall cut off his head with the crown upon it", as Oliver Cromwell, no believer in half-measures, replied to a less-resolute Puritan who was hesitant about executing their annointed crowned head of state -- thus anticipating the French by a hundred and fifty years. Then a bit more slaughter and mayhem at Culloden in 1746, to make the point that they preferred to be ruled by a German king and not a native Briton of the House of Stuart, albeit one born abroad. (Look, I don't understand it either .... a German? They wanted to be ruled by a German?)

    And that seemed to get it out of their systems, so far as state-sanctioned slaughter was concerned. You do learn about the 'Peterloo massacre' in 1820, where 18 protestors were killed, and there were three similar events in the next 20 years with about equal numbers, but since then, they seem to have decided to move abroad to do their mass killing.. (Northern Ireland will count as 'abroad' here.) Mass killings with noble motives in the 20th Century in Britain have been done by Irish Freedom Fighters and the adherents of the Religion of Peace, not by natives.

    And as lethal technology advanced during the 19th Century, they saw no reason to restrict the ownership of firearms. You could buy a revolver and carry it under your coat and no one would turn a hair. Guns, guns, guns ... anyone could get one. The effect on the murder rate is clear to see: in 1898, there were 86 homicides per hundred thousand people.

    THen came the Bolshevik Revolution in 1917, the radicalization of the European working class, fear of growing communism in the UK. So in 1920, the British ruling class passed the Firearms Act. Now you had to get a license. The police would decide who could own a gun. And over time, sure enough, it was pretty much only trusted farmers and wealthy businessmen who owned these weapons. Then in the mid-80s, a lunatic who thought he was in America did a mass killing, and all handguns were banned period. Or full-stop as the British say.

    And the effect of this gun-free environment was obvious. A century after guns-for-anyone-who-want-'em, there were .... 128 homicides per hundred thousand people, a decrease of ... of ... well you can prove anything with statistics. Doesn't mean a thing.

    To follow: What the British Really Mean When They Say ....
     
  2. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Interesting comparison.
    It’s a bit hard to say that Sandy Hook is just a statistic.
     
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  3. Doug1943

    Doug1943 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    No death is a statistic.
    After one of Israel's wars, Golda Meir said that each life is a little universe.
     
  4. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Oi, plonker. Check yer numbers.
    Homicide rate is around 1 per 100k in the UK compared to 5 in the US.
    No idea where you get 186 from.
    https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/VC.IHR.PSRC.P5
     
  5. Doug1943

    Doug1943 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Look at my dates. I got my numbers from the Office of National Statistics. I've got to go to bed now but I'll post some links. The calculations were my own and may be inaccurate -- off by two d.p.s??? Wouldn't be the first time.
     
  6. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I think you must have calculated the per million figure by mistake.
     
  7. Doug1943

    Doug1943 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Well, I teach mathematics. And you know what they say about 'those who can do, and those who can't....'

    I remember reading that a Soviet rocket to Mars crashed, or missed, because a programmer got a decimal point in the wrong place -- just one too far to the left or right. And that you knew they were going soft, when he wasn't shot, or sent to mine uranium, or even sent to Outer Mongolia to write programs for calculating cotton yields. Maybe they had too many incompent programmers for that task already.

    Let me find the original stats. I was slightly surprised by them myself, but of course they prove little, since there are probably a hundred variables that influence the homicide rate.

    They didn't have movies and TV in 1898, ie. programs which showed that people who are shot just fall over bloodlessly ...
    They didn't have video games,
    Their urban/rural ratio was different,
    They hadn't been through two devastating world wars which acclimatized the men to violence (look at the number of homicides for 1950!),
    The ethnic demographics were different (are we still allowed to say that? Hope I don't get a visit from the Old Bill).

    And, although this would push the data the other way, people who are shot or stabbed today are more likely to survive than they were a hundred and twenty years ago. (In some ways, the late Victorian era is my favorite historical period, where I would enjoy most living.... then I remember the standard of medical care.)

    I would expect if the British adopted American gun availabilty, I wouldn't be able to make my joke about missing the sound of gunfire at night. (Hmmm... I wonder just what Trump will insist on in that free trade agreement he's working out with Boris "Okay old buddy ... here's the list, just sign on the dotted line ..."... chlorinated chicken, Chevrolets, AR15s, Iowa potatoes, cotton ... What if Boris doesn't know what an AR15 is? Well, I've always wanted to own one, and not have to wait until I visit relatives in the States to burn through a few mags ... )

    Here's the data on population.
    Here's the data on homicides (It's an Excel file you download and look at.
    I won't insult you by saying where you can get a free Excel viewer if you need to look at it, but there may be others reading this who need it, so it's here:
    Online Excel Viewer.) It's an online one and has been 'deprecated' but may work -- I haven't tested it. Microsoft -- God Between Us and Evil! -- used to provide a perfectly good viewer but have withdrawn it in order to extract more money from us.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2019
  8. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    'those who can do, those who can't teach and those who can't teach become critics...
    I'm saying nothing more on your maths.

    You can own an AR15 in the UK.
    There are many strict regulations to follow and background checks to pass though.
    You don't get to own one because of a crazy constitutional right granted over 200 years ago. It's a privilege you have to earn.
    I like it that way, keeps them out of the hands of criminals and nut jobs.
     
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  9. Doug1943

    Doug1943 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    It's a cultural thing, and .... if America were starting over, I might frame it all differently, something along the lines of the Swiss model: your machine-gun is held at the local police substation, which is always within a short walk from your house, perhaps just a deputized neighbor with a gun safe.

    But we can't start over, there are millions of ARs out there -- it's America's favorite rifle -- and actually has advantages over a shotgun for home defense.

    America has different .... demographics ... than other Anglosphere countries. This can't be changed. California is just one 9.0 earthquake from widespread anarchy.
    So they have a saying over there among gun owners ... "You can't have my gun .... but I'll let you have all the bullets you need."

    I don't see that changing, except if they would just divide the North American pie between themselves, each side could have the gun law it wanted.

    Do say more on my maths if you see some egregious error. That's how we learn. I dish it out to my tutees every day so I've got to be able to take it.
     
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  10. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Hey, you've been here long enough to learn that maths ends in an ''s'', that puts you ahead of 99.99% of your fellow colonists. Kudos.
    Just need to appreciate the beauty of rugby and cricket then you'll never want to go home.
     
  11. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Yes. The US is saturated with guns. I think it’s insoluble.
     
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  12. Doug1943

    Doug1943 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Did I say 'maths'? Dear God .. No , wait...... it's because this is a US forum mainly so I have to speak Roman when in Rome or whatever the phrase is. In these situations where we have a mixed audience I usually say 'mathematics'.

    Rugby is just football without protective gear, except you're more likely to get your neck broken and I've tried to have friends explain cricket to me ... but after a few minutes i decided that it would take approximately the energy required to master multivariate complex analysis and if I did make that much effort I'd rather learn the latter. I was one of those kids who didn't care anything about sports, not even baseball, so cricket will remain a mystery.

    I once arrived back in the UK without my new American passport having the right stamp and had to talk my way through border control. I convinced the nice Muslim man who was the one I talked to -- in our chat it turned out we had wives with very similar characteristics, involving our not having been able to complete a sentence since we both said "I do" -- but he thought he should get his superior to clear it. (This was about ten years ago). He came out, and said, "Tell me one thing that will convince me you've been here as long as you say you have", and I replied, "When I arrived, you had a real Labour government." He said, "That did it!" and I was in.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2019
  13. Diablo

    Diablo Well-Known Member

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    57-15 against the Irish and we won the test match....
     
  14. Diablo

    Diablo Well-Known Member

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    I think you're right.
     
  15. Doug1943

    Doug1943 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Basically.
    And ... I have Aussie friends who just buried their guns when they were outlawed there. I wonder how many others did.
    In New Zealand, there are supposedly about 14 000 guns which should be turned in by December. So far they've collected fewer
    than 200. The ones which are turned in are crushed. Breaks my heart to think of that, they should export them to the US. Crazy.
     
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  16. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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  17. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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    A lot did and it was part of the reason the mass shooting rate declined
     
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  18. Doug1943

    Doug1943 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    A possible solution, then. Sort of like the IRA in Northern Ireland. Bury them, so not easily accessible, but available if needed.
    I prefer my Swiss Solution.
     
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  19. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Cricket is easy to understand. Let me help...
     
  20. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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    You don’t have to bury them

    Gun safes also decreased the firearm mortality and it is a recommended solution to the childhood mortality, recommended by the American Academy of Paediatricians
     
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  21. Hoosier8

    Hoosier8 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Those who can, do, those who can't, teach, and those who can't teach, become politicians.
     
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  22. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Great result against the Irish. England are in with a real chance of winning two world cups in 2019.
    As for the test, what a game. Might even add the Ashes to the list.
     
  23. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Those who can, do.
    Those who can't, teach.
    Those who can't teach, administrate.
    Those who can't administrate, consult.
    Those who can't consult run for office.
     
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  24. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    All you need know is that after 5 days and thousands of scores you can still have a tie.
    On the plus side I was listening to BBC and they switched to a live if not lively cricket match. (switching to my best British accent) "We understand the BBC international has just picked up our broadcast and we'd like to welcome you wherever you may be." It turns out they were taking live calls on the air . " I live across from the stadium and I think it's outrageous the way Indians are bringing noisemakers into the match. Something aught to be done about it."
    Could you imagine that on Monday night football? This is Howard Cosell and we're opening the lines. One call and that experiment would be over.
     
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  25. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    A tie is extremely rare and the most exiting result possible.
    I think you are refering to a draw which is a no result ie both sides didn't complete 2 innings.
    In over 2300 test matches there have been only 2 tied matches.
    West Indies v Australia in 1960 and Australia v India in 1986
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2019

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