My Second Life and other Secrets

No. They're simply at the end of a vicious circle that started with the above.

Most people do not recognise such and such. That's why our problems are as they are. This wisdom you recognise does exist but it's far from widespread.

 

So, I must be extra smaht then.

 

Read my posts. I only discovered after the fact that sex was directly related to my will to live. I started having sex and I no longer wanted to die. NEVER saw that one coming!

I eventually concluded that I needed sex more than love. I could live without love and had for some time. But living without sex was killing me by sapping my will to live. And it isn't that hard to understand. Reproduction is our biological imperative. It isn't surprising that it would be closely tied to our mental state.

Note that I did go to counseling, did the Prozac crap, and jumped through all the hoops. But one night [actually two] in Reno did more good than a year of counseling, with drugs. I will NEVER forget the solution offered by the counselor before that. He thought I should sit around with bunch of middle-age men, beat drums, and chant!!! JESUS!!! At that point I said enough! Not only is that stupid, it is degrading. I would rather be dead if that was what my life had come to,

 

Well then you probably suffer from depression and sex just makes you feel better. It is a temporary fix though.

 

Five years later I am happier and healthier than ever [before I started my new life]. Depression? Yeah, I was depressed because I wasn't getting sex.

Oxytocin is a far more powerful than Prozac or pop psychology... or beating drums and chanting.

 

It's a terribly addicting drug. It's really sad what prescription pills do to nice people.

 

That was a spell checker mishap. That was supposed to be oxytocin - the snuggle hormone - not oxycontin.

What is horrible is putting men on drugs and wasting millions and millions on therapy, and trying to take away our dignity, being sentenced of a lifetime of masturbating to porn, when many could be helped if they just got laid. I have met many men like me.

In my experience, most women can't understand this. Some do. In particular, women who work as escorts generally have a very high sex drive, which is why they work as escorts. They can separate sex from love like men do. I have talked with quite a few and they all agree that they have a sex drive more like a man. So they tend to get it. They understand the essential NEED for sex because they see it all the time and make up to $500 an hour or more as a result.

I will never forget the story one was telling me about a client who wasn't getting any sex at home. But he didn't want to break up the family. So he would email for a date, meet with her, have sex, and immediately start crying. Then he would swear he would never come back again and leave in tears. In a few weeks, he would email and ask for another date. The man was horribly tortured but he couldn't live a sexless life. I've heard many stories like this. But many women simply deny that for many of us at least, sex is a NEED for a sane and healthy life.

Instead, they judge as a form of denial.

 

The commentary applies to matters of the heart as well although it's a more difficult needle to thread of course. If the argument is that you play too much golf and too little time being present; you decide between golf and and being present.

 

But it is far more complicated than that. Some significant percentage of people lose their sex drive early in life, both men and women, and some never had one. I once spoke with one woman who was married, but she and her husband had never had sex. Neither one of them cared about it or had any interest. Great! A perfect match. But what about the spouse that doesn't lose their drive? I have read that as much as 80% of women lose their drive after 20 years of marriage. Of course, it is often blamed on the man but it is likely more a function of biology. And some women start to lose their drive as soon as they feel safe and secure in a relationship; esp once kids come along. By doing all the right things, a man can sabotage his own sex life!

I think there is another issue in play which gets to how we relate to each other sexually. Men can generally separate sex from love, far more than most women. For many women, they are one in the same. If a woman feels this way, more generally, if she can't appreciate casual sex, when the honeymoon ends, I think a lot of men are doomed to a sexless marriage. He can't be prince charming forever and at some point she won't feel attracted anymore. And she will blame him. I think this is the female version of a man who marries only for looks.

But whatever the mechanism in play, both men, and much to my surprise, many women find themselves locked down in a sexless marriage, with no option but to blow up the family, or live a very frustrating life. From my pov, this is one of the biggest flaws in the concept of marriage.

Young people are looking around, they often see divorced parents and divorced grandparents who all hate each other, and they ask why in the world they would want to get married. This has led to the idea of polyamory, which is very popular with young women. They are rejecting the idea of a lifelong or singular commitment entirely. I have probably met two or three dozen young women who have discussed this.

 

You post so much I don't know how you have time for sex!

 

They'll soon forget all their 'problems' when they're told they have liver cancer. Only a fool doesn't know that drugs and alcohol can only make everything even worse.

 

This is a new and quite unexplored subject.

 

So what? It's self destruction. People are fools? Try the whole of humanity.

 

No. That's not it at all. It's not actually the sex that makes us feel better but the sex drive. The journey. Not the end.

 

You can agree or disagree with the lifestyle but you have to admire the warrior spirit.

 

This made me smile for you.

 

Actually, even assuming you are not conveniently excluding mental illness, I'm pretty sure that's not a given.

 

Haha, I have my own business and it gets slow this time of year. And yes, I am overdue for a hot date. She was gone this week.

The bad part: I spend most of my life counting the hours until I see her again.

With number one, whenever she would leave, it seemed like my world ended until she came back. Waiting is the hardest part.

 

Not so much for me... they go hand in hand. I live for the times I am holding her in my arms. And the sex is fantastic. When we are in bed together, I am as content and happy as I can be. And I definitely credit sex with giving me the will to live again. Even though I by far prefer the sugar baby scene to escorts, as far as I'm concerned, escorts saved my life.

I never really lost my drive but had resigned myself to a life without sex. I thought I could focus on my work, focus on making the world a better place, and be happy. But it wasn't possible. By the time I realized I was in real trouble I was going down fast.

 

I get what you're saying and of course every journey needs a goal and that goal truly is worthwhile. But it's the prospect of that goal that gets you going each day. Each minute. Each second. Wouldn't you say?

- - - Updated - - -

I think you should consider that if she likes you then so will so many many many other women. Have you thought of this?

 

Just thinking in text here I guess. Number one and I had a routine. She was very much a creature of habit. Usually she would come over early in the afternoon. I always had one red rose in a vase on the table to remind her of my love.

For a time I wondered if my rose meant anything to her. It was a delicate dance to endear and romance her without overdoing it, especially in the beginning. She knew I was madly in love with her but too much could scare her away. One day the store was out of flowers. When she came in, she immediately noticed that there was no flower and asked about it. She said it always made her feel special and appreciated. She would even think about it when on her way over. So until the day she left for good, there was always one red rose on the table. It was funny how women who worked at the store noticed. After a time they all knew me and would say what a lucky woman I have.

Sometimes we would go out but we usually made a gourmet meal together. I'm not a great cook but I like to cook and enjoy making exotic dinners. We had a lot of fun with that. Most of the rest of the evening was spent enjoying champagne, or maybe just snacks, and talking and talking and talking. We always had so much to talk about. And I swear to God, just sitting next to her and holding her hand made me high. It was like a drug. No one had ever affected me like that. I could feel the energy between us and I didn't even believe in things like that. But I can't deny what I felt. It was magic.

From there, I would usually give her a foot massage. I made a point to study massage techniques. Almost all women love a good foot massage. Slowly that would progress until we retired to the bedroom for the evening. And we had our little breakfast ritual as well - a cheese omelette with kale and spinach. We would hang out after breakfast for a time until she had to go. And I loved every moment of it.

We had always planned to go out more but never did much. She was always little worried about running into her mother or a friend of her mothers. She didn't want to have to explain. So we kept things low key. But I couldn't have been happier; as long as I was with her.

For a long time, without realizing it, I tried to recreate that routine but never have managed to do so. Each relationship is unique. So I have learned to let things run their own course and not try to force things any particular direction. Each relationship has a life of its own.

PS. It took eighteen months but she finally admitted that she loved me. That was the happiest day of my life.

 

Absolutely! When I first started seeing number one, when I would work out [lifting weights] I would actually say her name over and over instead of counting my reps.

Oh yes, I have no confidence issues. I can and have approached many young women with success. Recently, before I met the woman I'm seeing now, I saw this gorgeous new young lady at a local store. It was her first day. She made a comment to her workmate about wanting to go Hawaii. I perked right up and said, "I'll take you to Hawaii!" She froze, gave me a long look, and after some back and forth [I'm serious! I'm not kidding!] and said, "Okay!". Just like that! We had never even talked before. It didn't work out but we dated. And she was right up there with the best in terms of looks [22 years old]. That proved to me that the key is to be bold.

I can easily approach any woman now. I even allow that I might marry one of these young hotties if the right one comes along. But I like the structure of the sugar baby relationships. It allows one to enjoy many aspects of traditional relationships but without all the grief.

 

I had probably heard this song a thousand times many years ago. But only when I met number one did I understand it. By chance I heard it again and realized that Mr Withers had been in my position before. I about fell over when I heard it... right down to the internal dialogue, "I know I know I know I know...leave the young thing alone... Wonder if she's gone to stay." He was singing about my life!

[video=youtube;tIdIqbv7SPo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIdIqbv7SPo[/video]

This became the other theme song of my life. In fact, number one and I used to watch the video and sing it together when we first met. It was her favorite video when she was a kid and she likes women as well as men. So we would discuss who we thought was the hottest. I kept thinking, this is the strangest damned date I've ever been on!

[video=youtube;EK_LN3XEcnw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EK_LN3XEcnw&list=RDEK_LN3XEcnw#t=0[/video]

 

Okay, one more, [music is a big part of my life, I often think in song]. Early into our relationship, I pulled this one out and danced to it with number one, in the nude. For the first time she began to understand how I felt and it completely freaked her out!!! Honestly, I almost blew it. It was too much too soon. Eventually we laughed about it but it was a close call. But it is also exactly how I felt about her and I could have listened to it all day.

[video=youtube;2XOzG0lX0AI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XOzG0lX0AI[/video].

 

Great post.

I can see the letting things run their course.

Why did it take her so long to say she loved you?
We're you two having sex when you got involved or did it take a while?

What do you think she thinks of you now?