Romantic attraction vs sexual attraction

Reference to your own judgments.

 

Did I ever claimed it?

 

Skruddgemire, Promiscuity is in our blood, it's unnatural to have only one sexual partner what love imply. For this reason you need to cheat on your loved one, or constrain yourself, both of which is wrong.

 

But that is where you are wrong. It is possible to have a romantic relationship with multiple people .To have love for multiple people.

You understand the differences between a romantic relationship and a sexual one. That the two can exist by themselves. Just because someone wants to spend their time in commitment free shagging...doesn't mean that people can't also have multiple romantic relationships. It's a lot more difficult to have such because everyone in the relationship(s) have to be willing, but it is possible.

 

Okay they can have romantic relationships with more than one person at one time but only to choose "right one", it cannot be constant and regular.

 

Just FYI, this is the same poster who has been posting about repealing age limits for consent . . . make of it what you will . . . I know what I make of it.

 

Bull[smurf].

If it breaks down, I'll know about it. Contrary to SitComs and Hollywood...a break in a relationship rarely happens in a blink of an eye. Rarely do you go from romance and passion to "Well I'm out of here prick!" without warning. There's usually a period of knowing that something is going wrong, maybe an attempt to fix things that gets more and more half-arsed as time goes on and finally it's over.

It's what happened with my first one. And yes if I'm seeing that slow slide into relationship oblivion...when it finally hits I'd be a little sad for a bit, hang out with my friends who'd give me some emotional support (and some good natured ribbing to cheer me up) and I'd again move on with my life.

No, you can see the effects of Heroin and withdrawal to know it's wrong. However I don't see anything wrong with romance and love. Even before it finally came to me I didn't see what was so wrong about it. I saw my friends being happy.

I helped a friend get off of Heroin. She was never happy when she was on it. She was always off. Either she was under the influence and wasn't firing on all thrusters...or she was jonesing for the next hit...and again not firing on all thrusters. Helping her coming off of it was no picnic for her either. On it or withdrawing from it...there were hugely negative physical and psychological repercussions from being on it. Took her three years to be able to stand on her own without having to call me at least twice a week because she was either going out of her mind or because she was going into the hospital. Granted the hospital was in the first month and it slowly changed over to needing emotional support calls...

I've also helped a friend when she was in a relationship. When it was going good...she was happy and cheerful and positive. When it started to fail she was a little down in the dumps. We cheered her up easily and helped her stay on an even keel. When she was on it...she was happy and healthy. When it failed she was unhappy...but still healthy. She moved on with her life within three weeks.

Now you explain how love is horrible.

No...you explained why you think it's bad for everyone. I'm asking for you to explain what events in your life led you to this conclusion.

 

Yeah, Maquiscat pointed that out to me a little while ago. I too have my opinions.

 

The "right one" is a societal construction. You can say that "this one is right for me." You can even say for yourself, "I can only handle one at a time". But that is you. Some of us actually can and do have multiple romantic loves simultaneously. I am living with three people in a poly marriage with romantic attachments to all three and sexual attachments to two.

 

Okay, if you both think it's possible to have romantic relationships with several persons. I'm okay with such "romantic relationships". What I was opposed to is traditional "devotion to one person in your life".

 

No...You have flat out said that love is bad.

 

There are a whole lot of sexually/emotionally dysfunctional humans out there. That much is obvious!

 

I think that it is more likely there is a "right type" and not just a "right one."

 

I think it is always best if you really get to know the other person well and live together before jumping into the commitment of marriage. There are things you will never know about another person until you've lived with that person. Know what you are getting into, know the person you are committing your life to.

 

Wholeheartedly agree.

 

That I certainly won't argue with. And the "right type" probably fits a range of characteristics, since it is doubtful you will find multiple people with the exact same qualities you prefer in your romantic and/or sexual attractions.

 

That would be a whole different discussion. We know that people can fall in love with and/or be sexually attracted to multiple individuals given affairs that happen, or by looking at the poly community. This discussion was intended only to note the possibility of being able to have these multiple attractions simultaneously as well as noting the differences between sexual and romantic attraction. The intent was never to claim whether life long monogamous relationships were best or even desirable.

 

Yes, but if you "love" several persons at the same time it's not a love as I see it.

 

And there we have it. This is subjective. You are speaking from your experience (which you still have not shared and frankly by this point I no longer care) and from your experience...Love is [your definition] and is a horrible addictive thing that humanity should avoid like the plague.

The rest of us have our own definitions of what love and what can and can not be defined as love. And we have our own opinions of whether or not it's a horrible thing or a wonderful thing.

I see the relationships that I have as being wonderful and are perfect for me and those whom I share my life with agree. We are happy and are in love and we think it's just right...for us. Other friends of ours have different relationship types. Traditional monogamous Heterosexual, monogamous homosexual, Poly, Open, swinger, etc...and they are just right...for them. Some of those relationships I may or may not agree with...but I don't go and judge and I don't proclaim that any of it is bad or horrible...

...or that it's not love.

 

So who died and made you some kind of sexual 'expert?' Frankly I consider your outlook a bit juvenile AND warped. You seem to fail to realize that others have other valid points of view. Your monolithic outlook is beyond myopic.

 

You have your opinions and that in and of itself is fine. But when you present arguments such as ...

You are presenting these as facts, ones easily countered. If you had said something along the lines of, "I think that sex and romance are needed to maintain modern life long partnership," then you are acknowledging both that the modern is not the same as the past, and that it is your opinion. But when you present your arguments as facts, be prepared to have them countered.

 

So.....You reject the fact that marriage has traditionally been between a man and woman and the intent is to be monogamous...until death? Seriously?

"In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may also take the following form: I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part"

https://www.google.com/#q=marriage+vows

It's known as a life-long commitment. Seems YOU are the one with an unsupported opinion.

 

So, why do I have to follow that? I'm not Catholic. Hell I'm not even Christian. In a country that was founded on a separation of church and state...why should I be bound by the laws of a religious structure that I don't follow?

And what about the folks who wright their own vows? Are they any less of a marriage if they didn't follow the "Catholic's Guide to Getting Hitched"? My first marriage was a full Church affair. Do you know when I was actually married? Not when I said "I do" nor when the officiating priest said "Good, you're married, kiss her"...It was when an official that was one of the various types of people who has the power to legally do so...signed my marriage certificate.

The one issued by the Wicomico County of Maryland Courthouse.

My current marriage was even simpler. We went to the courthouse and applied for the marriage license. Then made an appointment for later that week for the clerk to do a little formal ritual with vows that didn't have the phrase "until death do you part" and her "As witnessed by me this day [mentioning the date] by me, an official of the Calvert County of Maryland Courthouse I now pronounce you husband and wife"...

...and then signing the marriage certificate.

And again...what about non Christians and their vows and rituals. What about the Wiccans and Pagans out there? Or what about the Christians who write their own vows and don't put the word "Death" in their vows?

And who says that Poly isn't a lifelong commitment? Who says that it can't last? I know one poly grouping that's been together for so long that their children are graduating college and are still going strong.

 

Nice try, but historically speaking marriage has occurred by more than the Christian religion. And even then the Catholic Church did not start requiring people be married under their auspices until around the 13th century. Until then they took people's word for it. Weddings were the purview the rich and nobility. Regardless of whether a wedding took place or not most marriages were arranged and love did not enter into it. Many cultures allowed both same sex marriages and polygamist marriages, although the vast majority were polygyny.

All of which have nothing to do with whether or not a person can experience romantic attraction sans the sexual attraction or sexual attraction sans the romantic attraction, or even if they can experience multiple romantic attractions simultaneously. Simply because one experience a romantic attraction to more than one person doesn't automatically mean that they won't choose one to be with solely and till death do they part.