Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

I always have a moment of self-doubt before posting in this thread...

 

Churchill really was a funny guy.

 

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

 

A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. “What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker.

“It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.”

 

Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk. Mary thinks a second before 
replying, “Give me six Orthodox, 
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

 

There's probably a good reason the server is working in a coffee shop and not a brain surgeon.

 

Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to reboot a computer.

 

Barack Obama says pop culture teaches boys to 'excel in sports and sexual conquest'
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/bar...-in-sports-and-sexual-conquest-214228248.html


What a compensating wus!
Fathered no boys!




Moi

STOP ​

 

@Sallyally

Witty
Not "funny"
The last GREAT English speaker
not counting Abba Eban address to the UN circa 1967


A clown is "funny"
Churchill was no clown

 

Terry Banks was amusing.

 

funny
/ˈfʌni/

adjective

1. 1.
   causing laughter or amusement; humorous.
   "a funny story"
   
   Similar:
   amusing
   
   humorous
   
   comic
   
   comical
   
   droll
   
   laughable
   
   chucklesome
   
   hilarious
   
   hysterical
   
   riotous
   
   uproarious
   
   witty
   
   quick-witted
   
   waggish
   
   facetious
   
   jolly
   
   jocular
   
   light-hearted
   
   entertaining
   
   diverting
   
   sparkling
   
   scintillating
   
   silly
   
   absurd
   
   ridiculous
   
   ludicrous
   
   risible
   
   farcical
   
   preposterous
   
   slapstick
   
   side-splitting
   
   rib-tickling
   
   laugh-a-minute
   wacky
   
   zany
   
   off the wall
   
   killing
   
   a scream
   rich
   
   priceless
   
   daft
   
   
   Opposite:
   serious
   
   tragic
   
   • 
     
2. 2.
   difficult to explain or understand; strange or odd.
   "I had a funny feeling you'd be around"

noun

1. 1.
   NORTH AMERICAN
   comic strips in newspapers.
   "I read the sports page, funnies, and editorial"
   
   
2. 2.
   INFORMAL

 

Appropriately bad taste, well done.

 

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank cashier and said, “I would like to withdraw $10.

The cashier told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why …

The cashier returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the cashier and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”

The cashier was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $300,000 in your account and the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?

The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The cashier told her any amount up to $3,000.

“Well, please let me have $3,000 now”, the cashier then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her.

The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the cashier to deposit $2,990 back into her account.

the moral of this tale …
Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.

 

Guys this is the true crime story of the decade:

Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best story I’ve ever heard. She had caught the train in from Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn’t really eating them. He was just sort of letting them air.

This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man offered them a few chips. He’d toss one a foot or so away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He’d throw them a chip every now and then – just enough to keep the birds interested, but not enough to sate them. It was frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It was like he was rearing them up for… something.

Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when the train was about to leave. It happened.

Right before the doors closed, the man threw the entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium.

The next train stop was five minutes away.”

 

I live in Africa and I have to say WTF???

 

I know they are all Gaia's children and each one has it's place but that would have me reaching for the blowtorch.

 

You need a rapid spray. Little suckers are fast and you start blow torching most will have fled by the time you reach their spots.
A spray that kills slowly so that they share with the unsprayed BWAHAHAHAHA.

 

Like Harry meeting Aragog’s children.

 

Blow torches are surprisingly effective though. I've used one in the past when I have had a plague of flies around my composting toilet.
I prefer the smell of burning flies to inhaling fly spray.