Tasteless Humor 3, Lord How Many More?

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Apr 14, 2020.

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  1. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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    Aussie mother has six boys, all named Wayne, her New Zealand neighbour asked what does she say when she only wants one of them? Oh that's easy. I just call them by their surname.
     
  2. Moi621

    Moi621 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    LOL
    and I did!
     
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  3. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Really? I thought it was a true story.
    (Whistles while walking away)
     
  4. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
     
  5. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    An Australian newspaper reported an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The Captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger then emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging inside the bathroom.
     
  6. Phyxius

    Phyxius Well-Known Member

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    Brings back memories. The good ol' Eastern Airlines "one point" landing... :roflol:
     
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  7. The Rhetoric of Life

    The Rhetoric of Life Banned

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  8. David Landbrecht

    David Landbrecht Well-Known Member

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    And, thus, he became a carced man.
     
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  9. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Did you hear about the bloke who said he was Stephen with a ph.

    his coffee came with Phteven written on the cup.
     
  10. David Landbrecht

    David Landbrecht Well-Known Member

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    The pronunciation of which is a real covid spreader.
     
  11. StillBlue

    StillBlue Well-Known Member

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    Carce
    car·ce (kär-s

    adj.:
    Appealing, cute, and/or sexy to the point where an onlooker becomes almost helplessly captivated.

    n.:
    (1) One who exhibits this quality.
    (2) A certain pink wolf that exhibits this charm.
    Carce! OMG I luff you!!! <3
     
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  12. Phyxius

    Phyxius Well-Known Member

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  13. Derideo_Te

    Derideo_Te Well-Known Member

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  14. Montegriffo

    Montegriffo Well-Known Member

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  15. Phyxius

    Phyxius Well-Known Member

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  16. Phyxius

    Phyxius Well-Known Member

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  17. Phyxius

    Phyxius Well-Known Member

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  18. Melb_muser

    Melb_muser Well-Known Member Donor

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  19. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    During a lesson about adjectives, my friend, an elementary school teacher, asked her class to describe their mothers. One boy described his mother's hair as auburn.

    Impressed by his sophisticated word choice, my friend asked, "How do you know her hair color is auburn?" Her student replied, "Because that's what it says on the box."
     
  20. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap. After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?” Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
     
  21. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    The Chief of Staff of the US Air Force decided to personally recruit some pilots and he saw two young twins.

    He looked at the first young man and asked: "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man looks at him and says: "I'm a pilot!"

    The General gets all excited, turns to his aide and says: “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"

    The aide hustles the young man off. The General looks at the second young man and asks: "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man says: "I chop wood!"

    “Son,” the general replies: “We don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?”

    “I chop wood!”

    “Young man,” huffs the general, “You are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!”

    “Well,” the young man says, “You hired my brother!”

    “Of course we did,” says the general, “He’s a pilot!”

    The young man rolls his eyes and says: “So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!”
     
  22. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been cancelled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.

    One soldier mused: "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"
     
  23. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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  24. signalmankenneth

    signalmankenneth Well-Known Member

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  25. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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