Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Would be a cool story if there were hot tsa agents.

 

4 realz.

The last one I dated had these red circles all over her from guys touching her with a ten foot poll. She went to a freak show and they let her in for free.

 

It's not gay if it's the TSA.

 

A fellow saw a man and his small dog following a hearse and a procession of men in single file, etending down the street and out of sight. Curious, the man inquired of the circumstance, and found that the man's with the dog wife had died and was in the hearse. The curious man inquired "What happened?" the widower pointed at the dog and said "She hated that dog, said it was always getting under foot, well they don't know if the fall killed her or the heart attack she had yelling at the dog" . The curious man thot' a moment then asked "Do you think maybe you would want to sell that dog?" the widower motioned over his shoulder and said "get in line"

 

A friend of mine recently had a stroke of luck on his way to a Justin Beiber concert.


He was hit by a car and killed

 

I asked my Dad what his views were about abortion. He said, "Ask your sister."


I replied, "But I don't have a sist......"

 

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit. She gets two shot glasses, fills one with water and the other with whiskey. After bringing him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "What do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying, "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

 

True fact. Gin was created by the Brits to make palitable tonic water which is made with quinine and used as an anti-malaria medication. I myself drink gin and tonics for purely medicinal reasons. During filming of the Afican Queen Hepburn got malaria, Bogie did not. I rest my case.

 

Apparently local African beer also contains quinine.

 

Not where I am anyway. Pot has traditionally been the drug of choice, there is actually a marijuana priestess. Europeans brought stills.
There is a documented exchange between a king here and a Belgian colonist. You drink coffee, a drug, in the morning. You smoke cigarettes, a drug, all day long. You drink tea, a drug, with meals and breaks and you start in on the alcohol, also a drug, in the afternoon. What gives you the right to condemn our smoking marijuana in the evenings after work is finished to commune with our ancestors?

 

True story. I watched a programme on the TV that was about a whisky distillery. The chief taste tester sipped whisky everyday for 40 years. In those 40 years, he never caught a cold.

 

How does a Muslim close the door?

Islams it.

 

What's the hardest part about a Muslim killing his own daughter?

Suppressing the erection.

 

He did die of sclerosis of the liver though.

 

It's always the little details with you isn't it?

 

Now that's what I call a tasteless humor trophy post. Sick. Loved it.

 

A new zebra arrives at McDonalds farm and is soon running around the farm sniffing butts and talking to the other animals. He goes up to a cow and says, "Hi, I'm a zebra, what are you and what do you do?" The cow says, "I'm a cow and I give milk." This goes on for most of the day until he approaches a ferocious-looking bull. rhe zebra says, Hi, I'm a zebra, what are you and what do you do?" The bull stares at the zebra with red fiery red eyes and says, "Take off those fancy underwear and I'll show you what I do!"

 

Dude goes up to this hot chick in tight pants and says, "Hey, I'd sure like to get into your pants." The chick answers, Why, did you **** yours?"

 

A soldier that as a civilian performed as a ventriloquist is on patrol in Afghanistan and he comes upon an Afghan Muslim farmer at his farm. He looks around and then approaches the farmer.

"How is everything here on your farm? Are you treating your animals well?"

"Yes," replies the Afghan, "very well."

"Great," says the soldier. He looks over and sees a cow in the barn. "You mind if I ask the cow how you're treating her?"

"Cow no talk," says the farmer.

Regardless, the soldier approaches the cow and starts chatting with it, asking it how things are going. "Well, he takes good care of me. He milks me every morning and keeps us in good pastures with good grass to eat. I'm doing just fine."

The farmer's mouth is agape as he cannot believe what he is hearing! The soldier returns to the farmer's side and asks, "How bout the horse? Can I chat with him about the farm?"

Again the farmer replies, "Horse no talk." But the soldier approaches the horse, asks him how things are, and the horse says, "Things are pretty good. The farmer brings me fresh hay every week and we go riding every Friday to check the fences. Not bad at all, very happy to be here."

The farmer nearly can't believe his own eyes and ears. He is scratching his head in bewilderment as the soldier returns.

The soldier says, "So, how about I talk to one of your sheep..."

The Afghan Muslim farmer breaks in quickly, "Sheep lie! Sheep lie!"

 

They usually tell me, "one ashole in my pants is enough."

 

Oooooh!

 

A man comes home and sees a note on the refrigerator from his wife. She wrote, "This isn't working. I'm at my mother's." The man opens the fridge, the light turns on, and he says to himself, "What the hell? The fridge is working fine!"