Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 7 times. They've obviously never seen me wiping my arse when there is only 1 sheet of toilet paper left.

 

Ahh you're going for the India Slum vibe this year.

 

It's Democrat controlled, there lies the problem.

 

The tube announcer just said "The next station will be Oval" But it was oblong like all the others.

 

Y'all worry about toenail clippers on a plane. Pshaw.
https://www.jeuneafrique.com/194572/societe/les-vraies-raisons-du-crash-de-bandundu/

The story goes that the crocodile was being transported to be on the menu later at a restaurant that specializes in such things. On a small plane such as that the luggage is stowed at the back of the plane. The plane was in it's final approach just short of the runway when the crocodile got loose causing the stew and passengers at the back of the plane to rush forward followed by everyone else. That low and slow the pilot had no chance to compensate for the sudden weight shift in the plane and it crashed.

 

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings ...

... and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

https://www.10tv.com/article/olenta...put-urine-semen-food-served-teachers-2019-may

 

There is a silent "ing" in Fall!

 

Every democrat in the nation is attempting to transfer into the district....

 

Had an epiphany while tape and bedding the ceiling in a rental unit... Samwise Gamgee was always referring to "me ol' gaffer always said.." and I knew that gaffer was a male authority figure, by not why he was called gaffer... did he use a gaff? Don't think they had professional fishers in the Shire, but perhaps it was a gaff for loading hay bails.. and then it hit me.. "gaffer" must be British slang for "grandfather"

 

Roberto is excellent

 

Gaffer is slang for boss, normally means he's a robbing bastard.

 

Aren't you being redundant?

 

Futurama better than the Simpsons and Family Guy any day of the week

 

Well.. so much for my epiphany.. but I do thank y'all for the clarification.

 

I always thought he was talking about his grandfather too.

 

Well roger me with a stiff stick!

 

A woman is enjoying a good game of bridge

with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really ticked if it's not ready on time."

When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up.

She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."

Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.

Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"

The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his paws."

 

https://nypost.com/2019/05/22/man-a...utt-accidentally-shoots-himself-in-testicles/

 

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
.
.
Whatever.

 

They say to save water you should shower with a friend .
It's been my experience that it takes a lot longer to shower when I have a friend in with me. A LOT longer.

 

You dirty Arab

 

Bumbler.