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Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Feb 21, 2019.

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  1. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Now that Radio 2 have dropped Michael Jackson's music, I think it's time I went public about what Ed Sheeran did to me
     
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 4, 2019
    #76
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  2. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Just been asked by a group of teenagers outside the Co-op if I would get them 20 Richmonds, reluctantly I agreed and got them.
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    I handed them over and you should have heard the aggressive abuse they then gave me! So I told them "Next time get your own ****ing sausages!"
     
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 4, 2019
    #77
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  3. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

    The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
     
    Sallyally, Mar 5, 2019
    #78
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  4. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Bad news: My wife took the wrong medication today.
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    Good news: She's protected from heartworms & fleas for the next three months.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 5, 2019
    #79
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  5. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    My friend who is a paralympian, was telling me "the category process is so strict to test and match the athletes, into the appropriate class of disability, to even take part , they literally have to jump through hoops".
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    I thought, **** it must be tough to get on the wheelchair basketball team.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 5, 2019
    #80
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  6. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    ***NSFW***

    QUOTES FOR ADULTS ONLY

    "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500." Lynn Lavner

    "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." George Burns

    "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone

    "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods

    "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson

    "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

    "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams

    "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro

    "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman

    "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!" Jerry Seinfeld

    "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams

    "It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom ." Joan Rivers

    "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." Steve Martin

    "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life." Elmo Phillips

    "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2019
    BaghdadBob, Mar 5, 2019
    #81
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  7. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Throughout life, men end up paying for women, in dating, sex, marriage, and most costly, divorce.
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    Clue is the gender names ..... Male and Fee-male
     
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 5, 2019
    #82
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  8. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 5, 2019
    #83
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  9. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Mar 5, 2019
    #84
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  10. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    BREAKING NEWS...

    Pakistan shot down two Indian planes...
    In response, India have threatened to bomb the highest populated areas of Pakistanis...
    London, Bradford and Oldham are currently being evacuated.
     
    Nonnie, Mar 5, 2019
    #85
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  11. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Who can't laugh at a near death experience? Sally's driving that first boat :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2019
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 6, 2019
    #86
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  12. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    BaghdadBob, Mar 6, 2019
    #87
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  13. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    BaghdadBob, Mar 6, 2019
    #88
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  14. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Shocking video
     
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 6, 2019
    #89
  15. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    My new diet pill has been turned down by the FDA on the basis it's just amphetamine. Spoil sports used to be fine with it :)


    [​IMG]

    Thank god the speed hasn't got caffeine in it lol.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Mar 6, 2019
    #90
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  16. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I asked my mate Dave how it is living in North Korea. He says he can't complain.

    Spot on mate, good to hear.
     
    Nonnie, Mar 6, 2019
    #91
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  17. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What's the capital city of Pakistan?

    Bradford.
     
    Nonnie, Mar 6, 2019
    #92
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  18. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.
     
    Nonnie, Mar 6, 2019
    #93
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  19. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I sent a photo to my girlfriend

    enhanced-1421-1456515540-8.jpg

    She said, "Am I acute, coffee, pie" :heart:

    I said, "No, you are narrow, scalding and irrational" ;)
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2019
    Nonnie, Mar 6, 2019
    #94
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  20. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Mar 7, 2019
    #95
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  21. BaghdadBob

    BaghdadBob Well-Known Member

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    ^ TRUE STORY! :0
     
    BaghdadBob, Mar 7, 2019
    #96
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  22. Blaster3

    Blaster3 Well-Known Member

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    it's my dick and i'll do what i want with it
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    said mary, wife of richard...
     
    Blaster3, Mar 7, 2019
    #97
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  23. Collateral Damage

    Collateral Damage Well-Known Member

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    've been wanting to post this somewhere, and this is about the only thread that won't bash me for it.... How Socialsm Works.jpg
     
    Collateral Damage, Mar 7, 2019
    #98
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  24. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Mar 7, 2019
    #99
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  25. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Mar 7, 2019
    #100
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