Tasteless Humor II The Second One.

just once, it said "are you sure this is the right port, this place stinks like s***", had to choke 'em, it hasn't spoken since...

 

An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

 

When asked if he is a racist, Biden responded "I'm no racist! Hell, I even let Barack think he was President"

 

Blimey, must be about 20 years ago. In my last job as a manager, I received a completed application form back. It asked for which school you attended, the lad put the name of the school in. It then asked when did you attend "Date - From To".

He entered "Monday to Friday". Wish I'd kept the form but after we laughed for 5 mins, we just binned it.

 

In the traffic court a young lady was brought before the judge...

... to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes. "You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!"

 

My wife thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she said in her diary.

 

Scraping the barrel !!

 

note, should've had three exclamation points

 

my dick hurts
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that had to humor someone
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???

 

I'm a rebel so !!!!

 

Those that knows what a sore 2 inches feels like (erect)

 

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

 

they get that big! who knew!!!

 

https://babylonbee.com/news/starbuc...sitivity-training-on-every-possible-situation

 

Speaking of great TV commercials.

 

The Judge asked the defendant...

... "Mr. Jones, do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

"I do."

"Now what do you say to defend yourself?"

"Your Honor, under those limitations... nothing."

 

I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She'd lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50.
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I don't usually do that kind of thing but I'd just found £2000 in the carpark.

 

She asked to be sworn in lol

https://www.foxnews.com/politics/aoc-tears-into-trump-hearing-migrant

Now this is a joke

 

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is a couple sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question then she's old enough to get a straight answer.

Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human
reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."

 

Best commercials...

 

*knock knock*
"Who's there?"
"ICE!"
"ICE who?"
"ICE-uggest you get outta the country!"

 

Wokka,wokka, wokka!

 

Not quite old for Epstein's island then but close

 

Apparently one risk of living in space or outside of the atmosphere for sustained periods of time, is that it can lead to cancer; due to radiation. This is a real concern for people planning to live on Mars!

The solution is simple. Just send people to Mars who already have cancer. Duh!

 

Also, you lose weight. So send the fatties as well.