Tasteless Humor

Yeah, I'll keep a seat for you! Hey, this is about true love....

 

A blond walks into the bar and says to the bartender " I'll have a 15".
The bartender says" what's a 15, never heard of it?"
The blond says" duh, 7+7 is 15".

 

I'm sitting in the bar an these two ladies next to me are talking, with heavy foreign accents. I say: "wow, nice accents... Lemme guess, you ladies are from Scotland?"

They scowl at me and both say: "Wales, you idiot!"

So I say: "OK... You WHALES are from Scotland?"

 

Tish boom!

 

This is not even funny, but

A man is visiting the doctor with his wife and when the check up is done, the doctor asks the man;
"So, how is your sex life?"
The confused couple look at each other and the man replies;
"Sex? What's that?"
"Well, you know...intercourse..."
"No idea what on Earth you are on about doc."
"Oh ffs! Let me show you!" Says the doctor and starts "doing it" with the wife. "And she will need this at least twice a week. Do you understand?"
The man sits quietly for a while before saying;
"Right, but do I have to be with her on the revisits?"

 

Well, try riding this horse in your pursuit of discount airline tickets.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/2f/af/a1/2fafa1f357b08812e2b120539d7cbfc1.jpg

 

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a turkey on her left inner thigh.

She gets all set up and the artist gets to work and finishes about 4 hours later.

The artist burning with curiosity asks her about the tattoos she chose.

The woman sighs, "to tell the truth, I'm sick of my husband saying there is nothing good to eat between the holidays."

 

A guy walks into a bar and sees Sen Cruz and Pres Trump, he walks over gushes about what an honor it is to meet them...and inquires as to what they are doing.
Sen Cruz informs him that they are planning WWIII.
Trump says "We are going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits."
"But why kill the blond?" he asks.
Trump turns to Cruz and says "see I told you no-one gives a s*** about Muslims."

 

​

 

Happy Easter / Pesach

Christ has risen
But not the matzo dough.​

 

A guy asked a woman out who has no arms or legs.

Eventually, they ended up at the park and things got hot and heavy.

He asked if she’d like to make love, but worries about how to do it.

She says, no problem. See that tree over there? Just hang me on that big branch.

They made passionate love, and when they’re done the guy takes her home.

As he drops her off at her house, the guy

thanks her brother for letting him take his sister out.

“Any time. Glad you enjoyed yourselves,” the brother says. “Hell, her other dates usually leave her hanging in the tree, then I have to go to the park and take her down...”

 

The guy had been feeling under the weather, so he went to see the doctor.

Then, on the way home, he stopped and bought a brand new suit, hat, shoes, and tie.

He gets home looking great, and his wife screams at him: “What are you thinking?

You know we can’t afford all that new stuff.”

“Listen,” the guy says, “If you’re gonna be impotent, you gotta look impotent.”

==
Confucious say:

Crowded elevator smell different to midget....

 

OK...You asked for it...

Guy goes into a bar with a monkey. Monkey goes down to the end of the bar and swallows a whole bowl of peanuts.
Bartender says...Wow I've never seen that.
Monkey goes to the pool table, takes the cue ball and swallows it.
Everyone is astonished..guy says...'Yeah, that's what he does.'

A week later, the guy goes into the bar with the monkey
Monkey goes to the end of the bar, takes a peanut, shoves it up his butt then takes it out and eats it.

Bartender is grossed out...The guy says...Yeah, He's measuring now.

 

Sally Ride's last words: "What does this button do?"

 

Dude, that's nasty

 

I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

I once went on a date with a girl where we went hiking… and she gets bit by a snake in between her toes, and I had to suck out the poison… so she’s dead.

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

I’ve got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch “Schindler’s List.” And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can’t believe it only happened once.

 

A true one-
In the Falklands War a Brit motorcycle despatch rider delivered some letters from home to the frontline troops, but was blown up on his way back to HQ.
"Poor sod" said a tommy, "but at least we got our letters before he copped it"

 

Bus driver to a group at a bus stop waiting to get on:

"Let me be clear about this. On my bus there are no white people and no black people. To me, everyone is green. Dark green people sit in the back."

 

Another true one-
Brit anti-immigration comic Bernard Manning once stopped his limo to give a lift to one of his white fans who was standing at the side of the road in the rain.
A TV interviewer later asked Bernard "What if it'd been a black man?"
"He'd still be standing there" replied Manning..

 

Somewhere out there is a video, "NPR Interviews Eric Cartman".

​

There is a point where he was asked what is his favorite color and he replies,
Caucasian.

I Laughed Out Loud, yes I did.
And have had a chuckle over it a few times since hearing it.
Enjoy or not


Moi

r > g

Viva Acadia liberte
Across an immense, unguarded, ethereal border, Canadians, cool and unsympathetic,
regard our America with envious eyes and slowly and surely draw their plans against us.
​