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Tasteless Humor

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Moi621, Jul 19, 2014.

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  1. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Is 'that' American advice on Thatcher :)
     
    Nonnie, Aug 12, 2018
    #1676
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  2. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Q: What's safe sex awareness day in Wales?
    .
    .
    A: That's when they brand the sheep that kick.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1677
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  3. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    St. Thatcher ;)
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1678
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  4. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    IMG_4127.JPG
     
    Sallyally, Aug 12, 2018
    #1679
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  5. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    How many dead hookers does it take to change the lightbulb in my basement?
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    .
    Obviously more than 4 as its still ****ing dark down there.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1680
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  6. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive - Press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent - Please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities - Press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

    If you are paranoid - We know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional - Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship orbiting around Alpha Centuri.

    If you are schizophrenic - Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

    If you are a manic-depressive - It doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.

    If you are dyslexic - Press 9696969696969.

    If you have a nervous disorder - Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

    If you have amnesia - Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date, time and place of birth, national insurance number and your mother's maiden name.

    If you have post-traumatic stress disorder - Slowly and carefully press 000.

    If you have bi-polar disorder - Please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

    If you have short-term memory loss - Press 9
    If you have short-term memory loss - Press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss - Press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss - Press 9.

    If you have low self-esteem - Please hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1681
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  7. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    upload_2017-1-2_9-28-55.png
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1682
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  8. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry I cant get into the spirit of things today. My son has just finished 7 years of medical training and in the first week is likely to get struck off and possibly jailed for sleeping with one of his patients.
    .
    .
    .
    He was set to be a great vet too.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1683
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  9. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Paddy and Murphy fancy a Pint but only have a euro between them. Paddy goes off and buys a sausage.

    Murphy says are You mad?

    Now we're skint! Come on says Paddy follow Me.

    They go into the pub order two pints and drink them before they pay. Paddy shoves the Sausage through the zipper of his Jeans and tells Murphy to get down on his Knee's and suck it.

    The Barman goes berserk and throws them out.
    10 pubs and 10 pints later Murphy says..
    'I cant do this any more, my Knees are sore and I'm pissed.

    How do you think I feel? Says Paddy, I can't even remember which Pub I lost the Sausage in!?
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1684
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  10. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    soi-asked-this-muslim-girl-if-she-wanted-to-get-4992230.png
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1685
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  11. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I had a threesome last night.

    Apart from a couple of no shows, I had a really good time.
     
    Nonnie, Aug 12, 2018
    #1686
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  12. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Now that's tasteless, lol
     
    Nonnie, Aug 12, 2018
    #1687
  13. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    "Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver"



    "Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”"



    "Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"



    "A dyslexic man walks into a bra."



    ""My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.""
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2018
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1688
  14. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

    This made him. A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1689
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  15. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    aec45d9b60d5ee20ac635ee7b4123e54.jpg
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 12, 2018
    #1690
  16. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    That Thomas is a nasty fella, he should have gone to the Hague to face war crimes.
     
    Nonnie, Aug 13, 2018
    #1691
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  17. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Aug 13, 2018
    #1692
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  18. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    109th rule of acquisition "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack."
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 13, 2018
    #1693
  19. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I'd text that joke to my 20 yr old, he replied, "I thought it was because of too much choice!".

    It's getting more distasteful, lol.
     
    Nonnie, Aug 13, 2018
    #1694
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  20. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    "2 Thai girls offered to have a threesome with me. It was like winning the lottery...
    .
    .
    .
    When we stripped we had 6 matching balls."
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 14, 2018
    #1695
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  21. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    A shifty looking guy in a kilt walks into a london pub, orders a pint & very, very
    carefully puts down the plastic bag he is carrying.
    The bartender asks "What's that?"
    The guy answers "6 pounds of semtex"
    "Thank christ for that" says the barman,
    "I thought it might be bagpipes."
     
    Sallyally, Aug 14, 2018
    #1696
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  22. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    An Englishman, an Irishman and an Australian walk into a bar.
    The barman says, "Is this some kind of bloody joke?"
     
    Sallyally, Aug 14, 2018
    #1697
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  23. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Liberty Monkey, Aug 14, 2018
    #1698
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  24. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Psychoville was amazing!
     
    Liberty Monkey, Aug 14, 2018
    #1699
  25. Nonnie

    Nonnie Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Nonnie, Aug 14, 2018
    #1700
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