To days worst pun

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by garyd, Jul 16, 2019.

  1. garyd

    garyd Well-Known Member

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    If you boil a funny bone you get a laughing stock. Now that's humerus

    Courtesy, if you can call it that, of someone on my wife's face book page.
     
  2. tecoyah

    tecoyah Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What di the Elephant say to the naked man?

    You breath outa that thing?
     
  3. ChemEngineer

    ChemEngineer Banned

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    I'm at words for a loss...

    loss: noun - misfortune,deficit, something misplaced or lost
    synonyms: accident, casualty, catastrophe, cost, damage, defeat, destruction, disaster, failure, fall, injury, trouble
     
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  4. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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    A tourist was travelling outback Australia when he came to a small town called “Mercy”. He saw a cafe with a sign “try our famous Koala tea”. Intrigued he thought he would try it. As the waitress was pouring the tea he noticed tea leaves were floating in it. Annoyed he asked why she didn’t use a strainer. She relied “But sir! Everyone knows that the koala tea of Mercy is not strained!” :p
     
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  5. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Gawd!
     
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  6. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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    Then there is an old fav science pun - be prepared it is a stinker!

    Everyone knows that negative ions make you feel good and it has been theorised that we like stroking cats because the action of stroking fur produces negative ions.

    But I do not know if that can be true because how can negative ions be cations?

    upload_2019-7-23_15-6-33.gif
     
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  7. Sallyally

    Sallyally Well-Known Member Donor

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    Have you been reading Punch again?
     
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  8. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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    :p :p :p

    Don’t go near the pun I just dropped on BLs thread I think that one is worse! :D
     
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  9. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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    Okay

    Just a little shaggy dog punishment

    • A skeptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal pujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the pujo looked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don’t need enemas.”
     
  10. Nonnie

    Nonnie Banned at Members Request Past Donor

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    I like your blouse.

    I love last year's fashion.
     
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  11. ChemEngineer

    ChemEngineer Banned

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    Two years ago, we had annual passes to Disneyland and visited it about every week. I offered up a wonderful line but the BORES at Disneyland would have none of it. They didn't want me to come back for copyright infringement and litigation, I suppose:

    What did Winnie the Pooh say to Tigger?

    You scratch my back and I'll scratch Eeyore's.
     
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  12. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I’ve just been given a framed picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa;


    I can’t get the damn thing to hang straight.
     
  13. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    The Canadian government has set up a lottery, only for people in the north.


    You have to be Inuit to win it.
     
  14. Liberty Monkey

    Liberty Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Why have no women ever been sent to the moon?


    It doesn't need cleaning yet.
     
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  15. Moonglow

    Moonglow Banned

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    That pun is older than the corns on my Grandmas toes..
     
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  16. garyd

    garyd Well-Known Member

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    Never heard it before my self. Here's another couple you might appreciate more.

    I was walking through the corn maze the other day. Sudeenly I felt like I was being stalked. I was really eerie.

    What did the None say to the man that offered her a cigarette? No thanks one habit is plenty.
     
  17. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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    Okay..... This one is a “Feghoot” from the golden age of SF and Through time and space with Ferdinand Feghoot”

    It is for all you Yankees out there

    Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle, was innocently leaping from tree to
    tree one fine day, when a band of crazed cannibals ambushed and killed
    him. They devoured him almost immediately, except for the lining of
    his stomach which they stretched over a hollow log to make a bongo drum,
    and gave it to the son of the chief cannibal.


    The boy was delightedwith his new drum and played it constantly for weeks. Until one day, he came crying to his father the chief. "Daddy," he whimpered, "my
    bongo drum rotted away."


    "Son," replied the chief, "you can't play 'Tarzan's Tripe Forever.'"
     
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  18. ChemEngineer

    ChemEngineer Banned

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    Garyd, "It was really eerie," not "I was really eerie."

    She's a Nun, not a "None."

    And it's "myself," one word, not two.
     
  19. Bluehyena

    Bluehyena Banned

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    Two polar bears were gonna have an ice wedding in Greenland, but the groom left. He got cold feet suddenly.
     
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  20. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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  21. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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  22. Bowerbird

    Bowerbird Well-Known Member

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  23. ryobi

    ryobi Well-Known Member

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    You're a punny punny guy.
     
  24. garyd

    garyd Well-Known Member

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    As the French soldier said when asked why he was fleeing the Meuse during WWII Tanks, a lot.
     
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  25. xwsmithx

    xwsmithx Well-Known Member

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    Woman took her husband to a marriage counselor, and the counselor asked what the problem was. "He's always making Star Wars puns and it's driving me bonkers." The husband said, "Divorce is strong with this one."
     
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