I'm sorry for bringing this up again. If you are easily hurt by gender related topics, please don't read any further. This first paragraph is to warn you that I am going to bring up some rather unpleasant subjects in this thread. If you read beyond this sentence, I gather that you are not easily hurt by such topics.
Okay, at least for now, I have made peace with my religion. It is no longer my main obstacle. A far bigger problem is that I hate myself for being male- particularly for being a heterosexual male. You see, I was raised by my parents with an understanding that women participate in the carnal because they want to be loved, while male sexuality, unless it is for the purpose of procreation within marriage, is inherently exploitive and disrespectful towards women. I can't stand the idea that every carnally related thought I have may be an evil against the woman who is its subject. I have taken it a step beyond my parents' teachings by looking up so-called radical feminist teachings, which state that male heterosexuality is cruel and the basis of all societal oppression. Try as I might, I cannot destroy my carnal nature. I have beaten and literally tortured myself in attempts to do so. It is futile. Let me make it very clear that I don't do anything. I don't harass women and I would never commit fornication. However, my mind doesn't stay perfectly asexual and I can't make it do so with any amount of willpower or prayer. I have been taught by my parents and more recently by reading I have done about certain types of feminism that all male heterosexual thoughts- even relatively mild ones- are inherently degrading and cruel. My birth and my parents' celibacy that resulted from it have only strengthened this idea in my mind. I don't what else to write except that I need advice on how to deal with all of this. Thank you very much.

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"I am a Tory Anarchist. I should like every one to go about doing just as he pleased- short of altering any of the things to which I have grown accustomed." (Max Beerbohm)

I posted this in the "depression" section of a psychology forum to see if I can get some advice there.

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"I am a Tory Anarchist. I should like every one to go about doing just as he pleased- short of altering any of the things to which I have grown accustomed." (Max Beerbohm)

There seem to be two separate and distinct attitudes within feminism toward sexuality. First, the liberal feminist idea is that it is a woman's right to do whatever she wishes with her body. Second, the radical feminist idea is that all men are rapists. Now, the basic inconsistency between those two strands of feminism consists in this: only about 10% to 15% of the population is homosexual, leaving 85% to 90% of the population preferring the opposite gender. Thus, with 85% to 90% of adult females actually desiring consensual sexual relations with (gasp!) a mere g..d... man, it would seem that not all men (maybe even not all heterosexual men) are rapists.

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Theodore Lamar Heiks
BA, History/Political Science, Western State College, 1984
MBA, Entrepreneurship/Marketing, City University, 1993

Thank you, heikstheo. That really helped. I'll go back to being normal (for me) now.

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"I am a Tory Anarchist. I should like every one to go about doing just as he pleased- short of altering any of the things to which I have grown accustomed." (Max Beerbohm)

was a time when a huge percentage of women died in childbirth. I feel truly symapthetic for the fact that lots of women may have preferred to become celibate Shakers or Nuns. Beyond that, I can assure you that women are pretty happy with the fact that men have carnal urges , concensual sex is a fine thing and you should stop worrying you poor tormented soul for being NORMAL in this respect

Yes, men and woman view sexuality differently. But that does not mean that either is superior or that either is evil. In my experiences:

Woman: I think woman want to be wanted. They want men to think they are attractive. They want attention. They want to know that they can attract a man. Even though a married woman will give their husband crap for checking out another woman, if they themselves get checked out, it is flattering. However, woman are less interested in the actual physical acts. It does not mean however that woman do not enjoy the physical act, just their evolutionary sexual desire is to attract the best mate, not conquer many. That is why woman like romance novels, it is the chase that attacks them.

Men: Men do have more of a conquest mentality. Their evolutionary desires are more between the legs than the ears. A night of flirting in a social situation may stroke a man's ego a bit, but they are more interested in moving on to physical contact. However, there is a HUGE difference between thoughts and actions and realizing the difference is critical. A man's evolutionary sexual desire may see a pretty woman and think dirty thoughts. There is nothing wrong with that, it is just mental masterbation. That is why men prefer pictures in playboy over reading a romance novel.

But acting like a gentleman in the real world is what is the measure of a man. It is men who sexual harrass woman, stare at their chests and make lewd comments, etc., that don't use their rational minds to control themselves. I think using the rational mind to control acting upon sexual desires is part of being a civilized male and there is no evil in that.

Just like there is no evil in two consenting adults who are attracted to each other engaging in sexual activity. Trust me, woman can enjoy this without you having to feel guilty about your desires. Woman want you to want them if the relationship is good. They just don't want you to want anyone else, never admit that you do

So don't beat yourself up about having "thoughts" about sex. Trying to stop that would be like trying to stop yourself from getting hungry. Certainly don't hate yourself for it. But just like hunger can turn into gluttony, sexual desire can be turned into filth. But there is nothing wrong with hunger, and there is nothing wrong with sexual desire, as long as it is controlled in the real world by the rational brain.

And if you ever meet the right woman, then making love is a beautiful thing.

I hope that such gender roles are artificial cultural constructs that can be overcome by outthinking them. If they aren't, then I have very good reason to hate myself for being male.

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"I am a Tory Anarchist. I should like every one to go about doing just as he pleased- short of altering any of the things to which I have grown accustomed." (Max Beerbohm)

I'll work on the premise that all such gender roles are artificial and meaningless.

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"I am a Tory Anarchist. I should like every one to go about doing just as he pleased- short of altering any of the things to which I have grown accustomed." (Max Beerbohm)

The main difference between men and women is the size of their investment in the reproductive act. A woman gets something like, I think, 450 egg cells in her entire life. Naturally, she probably will not use all 450 of those egg cells excercising her fertility. After all, how many women would want to be pregnant for 4050 months (337 1/2 years), even if they could, especially with all the attendant morning sickness, the swelling, the lower back pain, the baby sitting on her bladder, the labor pains, the possibility of needing a C-section, and the pain of rebuilding an umbilical cord? The man, on the other hand, makes his little deposit of 250,000,000 to 500,000,000 sperm cells, so the male reproductive cells are relatively cheap by comparison. The woman's evolutionary desire is for a man who is man enough to extend to her his physical and financial protection while she is pregnant and while she is raising the child(ren) to maturity. Hence, the importance of love and loyalty to the human female. The man, on the other hand, because he can, has as his evolutionary desire as many children as possible, which includes a few low-risk children (that is, children of the legitimate wife, who are under his protection and therefore more likely to survive) and many high-risk children (that is, children he sired from uncommitted relationships, who he may not even know about, who are not under his protection and may be less likely to survive, but, hey, there's so many of them, some will be likely to survive and pass on his DNA). So here is where culture and religion come in. They try to soothe the savage beast and convince male humanoids that they should make a committment to all of their children and hence to the mother of their children and therefore limit sex to marriage.

That said, women do sometimes experience that raw lust that says, "d..., I'd like to f... his lights out." However, there is a little fly in the ointment here. Patriarchy (the sociopolitical system of rule by men), like most successful dominator polities and ideologies, practices "divide and conquer." Hence, men divide women into "nice girls" and "bad girls." The "nice girls" are the goody little two shoes virgins on their wedding nights, the ones who almost undoubtedly have immaculate conceptions and virgin births, in short, the kind of girl that guys allegedly are supposed to bring home to mother. The "bad girls" are the, um, sexually free women, the s/uts and the *ho**s of the world, the kind of girl that guys allegedly are not supposed to bring home to mother. Because many, if not most, women have such a powerful social urge to fall within the "nice girl" category, they can only seem to project that urge to "f... his lights out" upon a "bad boy" type (you know, the cheap arse male gutter s/ut who gives all men a bad name). Thus, the fact that a woman in her peak reproductive years will likely be drawn towards the "bad boy" type, combined with the fact that the "nice boy" type (who wants to be a virgin on his wedding night and maybe doesn't even care whether or not she's still a virgin, provided she's actually enjoyed it if she's had it) will likely be too shy to introduce himself to a woman for fear of being seen as too forward (combined with the fact that many, and perhaps most, women may fear being seen as too forward for asking a man) conspires to give women the notion that all men are @$$h01e$.

Thus, what you have going on here is largely a cultural thing. And, no, the fact that you were born with a y chromosome does not necessarily mean that you are doomed to be an @$$h01e or a rapist. You do have free will. Hopefully, some pretty girl will notice that you're not like all the rest. And maybe she'll end up having a loving long-term relationship with you.

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Theodore Lamar Heiks
BA, History/Political Science, Western State College, 1984
MBA, Entrepreneurship/Marketing, City University, 1993

Does anyone know the history behind all that? Is the reduction in the percentages of deaths in childbirth the result of: (a) the increase in age of marriageability from, say, 12 to 18?; (b) better health care for women these days? (for that matter, is women's health care really that much better now?); (c) something else I haven't thought of?

__________________
Theodore Lamar Heiks
BA, History/Political Science, Western State College, 1984
MBA, Entrepreneurship/Marketing, City University, 1993