What's the biggest gaff you ever made while talking to someone? I tell you mine if you'll tell me yours!

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Read this post quick before the mods delete it!

I have chronic foot in mouth disease. Telling all of them will take all day.

But one I remember now is telling the kid next to me (we where 16) what a idiot the sub teacher is(in very graphic language). After school I saw the walk to one anther, and the guy calling the teacher 'dad'


I felt bad about that one. But there are, unfortunatly, worse tales than that

AH

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"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."
"I detest racialism, because I regard it as a barbaric thing, whether it comes from a black man or a white man. "
"I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself."
"If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness. "

Nelson Mandela

Those who have known me for only the last few months really haven't seen my ugly temper (or the depths of my insanity), which I've been working to control. I most regret, from both a moral and a social perspective, an outburst in which I called about half of the site's regulars evil (among other things). I'm amazed I wasn't banned for that one. As it is now, I still become enraged from time to time, but I make it a point not to post here when I am in such a state or I will post something I regret.
To be painfully honest, as is my wont, I have in the past terribly insulted, threatened and even assaulted my parents. My rages were so bizarre in nature that my psychiatrist considered them symptoms of a mental illness, but that doesn't condone my conduct in any way. After my head cleared, I could not believe the things I had said and done- it seemed as though another person entirely had been present in my body at the time. It still seems surreal. It isn't merely "foot in mouth" disease, therefore, but what I consider my greatest moral crime- my violent outbursts against my parents. They were primarily verbal but often threatening in nature. My parents, being very forgiving, did not hold grudges, and I hope that God can forgive me as well. I have, by the way, managed to control my temper at home in recent months.

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"Some people complain about the system. The system is not good, so they can't do anything. It's an excuse. Freedom is in your heart." (Jin Xing)

No I'm moving house
Wanted the earth to open

Another one?

When is the baby due?
I had it two months ago!

Ten years ago, I was at the outdoor wedding of an older engineer's daughter. Although we were acquaintences, I didn't know any of the other people there. I struck up a conversation with one guy. For some reason, we got around to talking about Star Trek - I don't know how. I started running on about how idiotic all the instrument panels, gizmos, etc, were in the captain's station of the Enterprise on the original start trek TV show. He had gotten real quiet while I was talking. Finally, he said "I worked on all that stuff." I said, "uh...er...gee....I guess some the stuff was OK - scuse me, I gotta hit the head."

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Read this post quick before the mods delete it!

I have many. Often I only open my mouth to change feet.

This is a recent one though. I have been in my present employment for about 10 months, and last year at our staff Christmas party one of my older female colleagues introduced me to a young man I thought was her son, come to give her a lift home.

She said, `Sarah, this is my husband, Andrew'.
I said, `Pfft. He is not!'
She said, `Uh, yes, he is my husband'
I said, `Noooooooo'.

And then very unsuccesfully tried to backpedal for about 10 minutes until the other half arrived to pick me up. Sigh. Luckily she still likes me!!

Only I could make the same idiotic comment TWICE IN A ROW in one conversation.

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We've got rules and maps and guns in our backs, but we still can't just behave ourselves. Even if to save our own lives, we are a brutal kind. The Shins

a lot changed between me leaving university and my returning. As I also teach a bit, the rector's secratay phoned to tell me that the rector would like meet me.

I waltzed into the office, and told the nice grandma like lady atthe filing cabinet if she could tell her boss that I am here to see him. She frowned, and asked me "my boss" and I replied "yes, the rector"

She then came towards me, held out her hand, and introduced herself as Proffesor Combrink, the new rector.

I wanted to die, bur didn't

phew

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"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."
"I detest racialism, because I regard it as a barbaric thing, whether it comes from a black man or a white man. "
"I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself."
"If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness. "

Nelson Mandela

I do that on almost daily daily basis so there are many. Latest big one was a couple of weeks ago during a meeting at work.

My boss already labeled me as politically incorrect so right before the meeting she and her boss took me aside and said something about these being important people coming by so keep the smartass comments to myself. I figured I best behave and I meant to.

So we all sit around the conference table, soon the guest speakers walk in and started handing out the briefing material in black folders... first thing out of my mouth was "Great! the menus are here, now we can order lunch".

Luckily my boss's boss's boss tought it was funny

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"When I'm in command, every mission is a suicide mission!" -Capt. Zapp Branigan
The United Church of the Latter Day Tangential Tarts

I have a new worst one. It happend today. My borther became very overweight after he married, but recently sarted to go to the same gym as me to be more healthy.

Today, I went up to him as he was on the treadmill, pinched his lovehandles, and said, (uhm, this is a loose translation), "hey fatso, glad to see you are finally losingsome weight" He turned around in shock, and as you can guess by now, it was not him! It was a perfect stranger.

Man, I will have to quit going there!


AH

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"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."
"I detest racialism, because I regard it as a barbaric thing, whether it comes from a black man or a white man. "
"I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself."
"If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness. "

Nelson Mandela

That is absolutely magnificent africanhope! The first post I read this morning!


One of my favorites happened when I was just 6 years old. My older sister finally (and unneccessarily) talked my mother into buying her first bra. My mother said she would drive, but not go into the store. My sister enlisted me to help her. We went into the store and the saleslady was a huge, scary older woman. My sister told me to just go up to her and ask her for a size 32 beginner bra. Gullible me. I went straight up to the giant monster lady and asked her, "Do you wear a size 32 beginner bra?"

Another good one happened to a friend of mine. She is a tiny, soft-spoken, elderly Mexican woman. She was in the pet store looking for food pellets for her hamster. She couldn't find it so she went up to the man behind the counter and asked, "Do you have green balls?"

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"Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves." ~Ronald Reagan