I think this is true. There are always rough spots, arguments and moods in a marriage. I was once ready to leave my husband due to his being in a bad mood almost constantly. He refused to consider separation, but he did know that he had to change. I have always run outside to greet him when he comes home from work. I told him that no matter how mad I was at him, I was always glad to see him. But, I said, someday that might change. Someday I might not be glad to see him. He improved and I'm very happy we didn't break up. Somewhere around 20 years or so, we reached a level of satisfaction and comfort that can only be reached with time. People often think "new love" is the best, but IMO, "old love" beats it hands down.

I always want to see people try their best to keep their marraige intact. Abuse, adultery or criminal behavior are reasons to call it off immediately, IMO. Most other things can be overcome - but it takes two.

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"Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves." ~Ronald Reagan

i think divorce should be illegal. because divorcing is breaking that oath that people made, so by default it is a crime. it's just uninforced by corrupt US. government. in Philippines there is no divorce and that is the right way...

Divorce is another contract signed by the same people who signed the contract that created the marriage. People can tear up contracts at mutual agreement in most cases. In the case of my parents, they freed each other from a contract by mutual agreement. And they each met better suited partners. Everything worked out for the best.
The other thing is that there need to be clauses to void a marriage contract (I think there are, but I'm not sure). Abuse primarily should allow a marriage to be instantly terminated.

But again, I advocate leaving it open. Because it gets really tricky when you try to consider how divorces might affect kids for better or worse at different times and under different circumstances. I don't think there is any calculus that would not do more harm than good in trying to control divorce. I think we should worry more about controlling abuse.

Huh?

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"George W. Bush surrounds himself with smart people the way a hole surrounds itself with a donut." —Dennis Miller

You stated that they are getting divorced for frivolous reasons and they need to re-evaluate what makes them happy. In other words, you think you are in a better place to decide than they are.


I wasn't talking about people changing appearance or people becoming 'bored' of their spouses. I mean people can really change over time. I know some people who are completely different personality-wise than 5 years ago.


No, but love can make you do some stupid things. I guess they can claim incompetence.



I mean there should be no "marriage" contract at all. Let the churches do their little ceremony thing. Separate civil contracts would be available for things such as the right to make medical decisions or division of property. I guess a will would suffice in those instances.

Just...wow.

Look, man. I know from experience. Even when there is no abuse, sometimes an unhappy marriage can damage kids even more than a divorce. Very little damage was done to me by living with my dad. I'm pretty well-adjusted even if a bit weird. But being kept up all night with your parents yelling at each other isn't exactly a good thing for the child psyche. When they got divorced, it was a relief because they agreed on it and held less hostility. Niether parent was removed from my life and instead I gained great step-parents who matched my parents better and made them happy. Now I admit, at another age this might have been different. I was ten.
And think about it. Isn't it sometimes better to do things preemptively? What if a relationship has a high probability of exploding into something abusive or destructive? Shouldn't it be broken up before that happens instead of after a conviction? What do you think is better for the kid then?

hmmm good point also java. life is screwed up and terrorists are to blame

Reading your posts helped me alot. I got divorced in July. My ex and I were married for 12 years. During that time period, he had more than 20 different jobs (chronic inability to hold a job), lied to me constantly, racked up personal credit card debt over $10k, and had 3 affairs.


I don't have a problem with doing away with *no-fault* divorces, because in a shared property state like Florida, under law, in spite of how he behaved, he was legally entitled to half of all the marital assets. I had plenty of evidence to prove fault on his end, and would have had no problem going to court and doing so. And, I didn't particularly like the idea of giving up half my retirement and half the equity in our house that I'd largely paid for as the primary breadwinner given his conduct.

But even my kids have told me that as hard as it is to go back and forth between our homes, it beats the constant fighting. I had no idea how to get him to live like an ethical human being. I can't say we didn't have periods of happiness, because we did. But they never lasted and they always disintegrated due to some other act of bad behavior on his part. I was the primary breadwinner, never cheated, was a good wife (even he admits I was), and was a good mom. I was the victim in this situation, and I was utterly at his mercy financially due to our screwed up divorce laws. I stayed a long time because I couldn't afford to leave, and I put up with ALOT because I didn't want to put our kids through a divorce.

But ultimately, I'd have ended up going through bankruptcy myself, or maybe even coming down with an STD due to his unprotected sex wtih other women (I have e-mail evidence that he engaged in this behavior). Are you seriously suggesting that I should have just sucked it up and kept on taking that sort of treatment?

I don't think so...you have to give people in that situation a way out. The day I woke up and realized I'd rather be alone forever than be married to him for another day, I knew i had to get divorced.

Catz

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I'll get nicer when you get smarter.

How about people today are also far too quick to get married? I have heard people say that "we can always get divorced" when asked if they are making the right decision about marriage. However, I think we NEED the option of divorce.
At the other end of the pendulum, we live in a society where a lot of people DONT EVEN BOTHER to get married- even when the birth of their children is involved. The rate of divorce doesnt bother me nearly as much as the number of children not being born within the shelter of marriage. It is my personal belief that life is better for children with a mother AND father present, IF POSSIBLE. I know that circumstances dont always permit this but I think that a child's life is enriched by positive male and female role models.
In my humble personal opinion, children seem like a good reason to be married.
I recognize, however, that children can be raised in a positive environment outside of marriage(for those who may have been wondering ).