Republicans sure know how to pick ‘em.

For years now they’ve basked in the glow of knowing they helped install Laura Bush in the White House, our nation’s only First Lady that has actually killed someone. This precedent-setting move seemed like a high standard to duplicate, but to their great delight they’ve found a suitable replacement.

Republicans are just thrilled at the prospect of having Cindy McCain as our nation’s next First Lady. She comes with all the attributes Republicans hold dear to their hearts. She’s an adulterer, helping to end a fourteen year marriage. According to her husband, she’s both a “trollop and a c**t”!

But it gets even better.

The object of the new Republican affection is also a drug addict. Wow, those Republicans are just drooling over that one. But wait, there’s more. She’s also a thief, a thief that actually got caught stealing drugs from a charity designed to help impoverished countries. Cindy McCain also was a key player in the infamous political corruption scandal referred to as “The Keating Five”. Her resume has Republicans in a state of nirvana.

But there’s even more.

Cindy McCain has also had prior issues of violations with the Federal Election Commission. Republicans really, really love that one. But there’s one additional aspect of her bona fides that put her in a class by herself. Only a few weeks ago she actually earned over $2 million from her business investments in a third-world nation practicing genocide.

Republicans are just ecstatic over the mere prospect of having someone with such exemplary credentials represent them. By comparison with Laura Bush, who only killed someone, Cindy McCain raises the Republican standards to unprecedented heights. They can think of no better standard bearer to represent them, and are confidant nations around the world will admire her most excellent resume, knowing she’s a true reflection of all Republicans.

They believe Cindy McCain brings the “grand” to the Grand Old Party.

Why should we care about Cindy McCain or Michelle Obama? They aren't running for their positions as first lady, so why bring up useless information.

However, I do want to know about Laura Bush killing someone... do you have a source, because that actually seems really interesting.

__________________
Signature: