I had a patient last saturday and sunday that suffers (and when i say suffers i mean she was barely conscious from the pain medicine that was her only salvation) from lupus and other unknown illnesses that are slowly killing her. she was admitted with a large uterine mass that the surgeons wanted to remove in case it was malignant which will likely be the case here very soon. she was the sweetest and happiest person that i have ever had the pleasure of caring for. when i took her blood pressure at 8 in the morning on sunday, she took my hand as a went for her bicep and thanked god for allowing us both the pleasure of being alive another day. i dont believe that anyone was listening besides the two of us but the size of her heart brought a tear to my eye. i will never forget her big smile and contagious compelling laugh. she asked me if god had my soul and i told her yes; i lied; well she wold consider it a lie though i did not. i dont believe in her god but i embrace the connectedness of mankind (grossly simplified description of my beliefs) - what i would call god. i guess the details matter less and less the closer we get to death - we are the same.
anyway, she refused the surgery. shes going to die very soon. this beautiful, loving, compassionate, talented, blue sky in a storm of epic proportions is going to die.. her reasoning? god doesnt like surgery. i couldnt be more disappointed..

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This beautiful, loving, compassionate, talented blue sky is going to die very soon because it's her time to die and she gets to choose whether to undergo surgery or not.

Sounds to me like she is ready to die.

Its a great blessing to be able to look suffering of impermanence, sickness, dying and death in your work each day.

May you have many more experiences that continously open your heart and mind and may you benefit all who see you, hear you, touch you or remember you.

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"To be a warrior is to learn to be genuine in every moment of your life" ~Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche~

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Originally Posted by Inferno You just don't relate to my sense of humor. How about this. Gosh darn funny man living in a whale. doncha know that gawd could do that I betcha he could. wink wink.

From what I have realized its the people on the other end who are doing all the suffering that accept death much quicker than those who are around them.

My grandmother was basically kept alive by all of her children because they were selfish in their own ways and didn't want her to die even though she quietly pleaded with them that the pain was too much to bear.

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The woman in my avatar is Cristina Scabbia and the woman in my profile picture is Tarja Turunen
Sun flames and moons glow, timeless the tides will flow, what will I face, what will be mine, fortune and fate the other side...

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Originally Posted by Inferno You just don't relate to my sense of humor. How about this. Gosh darn funny man living in a whale. doncha know that gawd could do that I betcha he could. wink wink.

thanks those are really good points you all made. makedde, of course i dont hold it against her that she wants to die.. we have just as much of a right to death as to life.
and im really sorry to hear that your grandmother went through that, masterproctor. certainly if i wanted to die i wouldnt want people who dont undertsand my suffering to keep me around for their own mental stability.
i was only expressing my displeasure at having someone so strong and courageous leaving this earth. and youre right; surgery would only prolong her suffering, however mild or severe it was at different times. and she is definitely prepared and it was very inspirational having been able to give her my time when every moment counts.
that was a beautiful post, wind. i draw as much from my experiences, especially those in situations such as that, as i possibly can.
thanks everyone!

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Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
-Dr. Carl Sagan

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The woman in my avatar is Cristina Scabbia and the woman in my profile picture is Tarja Turunen
Sun flames and moons glow, timeless the tides will flow, what will I face, what will be mine, fortune and fate the other side...

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Originally Posted by Inferno You just don't relate to my sense of humor. How about this. Gosh darn funny man living in a whale. doncha know that gawd could do that I betcha he could. wink wink.

I find that true as well. My aunt had a massive stroke that took away all control she had in speaking walking or bowel and urine. She wanted to die. Her daughter wouldn't let her. When she refused to eat, her daughter had a feeding tube installed and my aunt lived that way for seven more years. My cousin is a staunch Roman Catholic anti-abortionist right to lifer.

I don't call my cousin's actions an act of compassion.

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"To be a warrior is to learn to be genuine in every moment of your life" ~Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche~

thats terrible im so sorry. thats an infringement on your aunts natural rights as far as im concerned.

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Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
-Dr. Carl Sagan

Everyone dies.

The surgery may have extended this person's life or she may have died under the anesthesia...