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Thread: Pentagon Study Finds Beards Directly Related To Combat Effectiveness

  1. Default Pentagon Study Finds Beards Directly Related To Combat Effectiveness

    Pretty wild.

    http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/04/pe...effectiveness/

    Tampa, FL – Forget new gear, weapons, or sophisticated targeting systems. The newest tool coming to combat troops is low-tech: beards. In a report released yesterday, research think-tank Xegis Solutions noted that beards have a direct correlation to combat effectiveness.

    Jonathon Burns was the lead researcher in the study.

    “We took 100 soldiers. 25 were Special Forces qualified and had beards, 25 were Special Forces qualified without beards, 25 were regular Army allowed to grow beards for the study, and the last 25 were regular Army without beards. All 100 of these subjects were in direct combat in Afghanistan during the study.”

    He continued, “Xegis Solutions had several teams of researchers embedded with these troops to make observations on their combat effectiveness. The results were overwhelming, out of the 50 soldiers with beards, zero were wounded or killed and they had a significantly higher accuracy of fire than the soldiers without beards. The soldiers lacking beards had a higher rate of weapons malfunctions and basically, (*)(*)(*)(*) went wrong most of the time.”

    CENTCOM wasted no time establishing a new rule forcing males to grow beards.

    Commander Gen. James E. Mattis issued a statement to all troops in combat zones.

    “The time has come for the Armed Forces to accept the facts, and the facts are that beards save lives. All this time it was speculated that Green Berets were better because of their superior and intensive training while in fact, most of it had to do with beards.”

    There’s no doubt that many in the Special Forces community will be angered, but General Mattis is convinced.

    “It’s settled science. In light of this information we will enforce a rule requiring all males to wear at least one inch of facial hair at all times. Furthermore, any females able to grow facial hair are encouraged to do so as well.”
    “Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts.” ~ Richard Feynman

    You might be a liberal if you think the key to peace is signing documents.

    “I was elected to end wars, not start them.” — Barack Obama “?The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.” — George Orwell

  2. Default

    Is this a joke?

    Why not just force them to grow beards because Allah willed it?

  3. #3
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    I would have loved it if I could have grown out a beard instead of shaving every day.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hoosier8 View Post
    This study fails when you considered that all the Taliban have beards and thousands of them have died.

  5. #5

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    My bull(*)(*)(*)(*) detector goes off when the only references that I can find to "Xegis Solutions" are all related to this "story" posted at different sites.

    “All the research shows the single most effective way to reduce abortion is contraception. The problem with pro-life groups is all the solutions they promote to reduce the abortion rate, none of them moves it in a reliably positive direction. . . . The data show no reliable correlation between the degree of restrictions in a state and the abortion rate.”


  6. Default

    Pure hoax
    The real harm is to our children. As long as we remain suspicious of the wrong people, predators will continue to have free reign to abuse innocent children. If they remain free from scrutiny because everyone else is focusing on gays and lesbians, more young lives will continue to be shattered and more parents will suffer the agonizing heartache of learning that they trusted someone who destroyed their child’s future.

  7. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hoosier8 View Post
    “It’s settled science. In light of this information we will enforce a rule requiring all males to wear at least one inch of facial hair at all times. Furthermore, any females able to grow facial hair are encouraged to do so as well.
    Up on the Governor should fit right in with this DoD Directive...

    Seriously, "Beards save lives?"

    Is this sarcasm or is the OP serious?

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