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Thread: Pentagon Study Finds Beards Directly Related To Combat Effectiveness

  1. Default Pentagon Study Finds Beards Directly Related To Combat Effectiveness

    Pretty wild.

    http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/04/pe...effectiveness/

    Tampa, FL – Forget new gear, weapons, or sophisticated targeting systems. The newest tool coming to combat troops is low-tech: beards. In a report released yesterday, research think-tank Xegis Solutions noted that beards have a direct correlation to combat effectiveness.

    Jonathon Burns was the lead researcher in the study.

    “We took 100 soldiers. 25 were Special Forces qualified and had beards, 25 were Special Forces qualified without beards, 25 were regular Army allowed to grow beards for the study, and the last 25 were regular Army without beards. All 100 of these subjects were in direct combat in Afghanistan during the study.”

    He continued, “Xegis Solutions had several teams of researchers embedded with these troops to make observations on their combat effectiveness. The results were overwhelming, out of the 50 soldiers with beards, zero were wounded or killed and they had a significantly higher accuracy of fire than the soldiers without beards. The soldiers lacking beards had a higher rate of weapons malfunctions and basically, (*)(*)(*)(*) went wrong most of the time.”

    CENTCOM wasted no time establishing a new rule forcing males to grow beards.

    Commander Gen. James E. Mattis issued a statement to all troops in combat zones.

    “The time has come for the Armed Forces to accept the facts, and the facts are that beards save lives. All this time it was speculated that Green Berets were better because of their superior and intensive training while in fact, most of it had to do with beards.”

    There’s no doubt that many in the Special Forces community will be angered, but General Mattis is convinced.

    “It’s settled science. In light of this information we will enforce a rule requiring all males to wear at least one inch of facial hair at all times. Furthermore, any females able to grow facial hair are encouraged to do so as well.”
    "North America will account--meaning Mexico, China and Canada--for two-thirds of the growth of global energy supply over the next 20 years" ~ Joe Biden

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  3. Default

    Is this a joke?

    Why not just force them to grow beards because Allah willed it?

  4. #3

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    I would have loved it if I could have grown out a beard instead of shaving every day.
    "Quia tu lucerna mea Domine et Domine inluminabis tenebras meas."

    Traveling Templar - 20OCT2014

  5. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hoosier8 View Post
    This study fails when you considered that all the Taliban have beards and thousands of them have died.

  6. #5

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    My bull(*)(*)(*)(*) detector goes off when the only references that I can find to "Xegis Solutions" are all related to this "story" posted at different sites.

    “Only in America can you be pro-death penalty, pro-war, pro-unmanned drone bombs, pro-nuclear weapons, pro-guns, pro-torture, pro-land mines, and still call yourself ‘pro-life.’" ~John Fugelsang

    PF's Liberal Progressive Underground


  7. Default

    Pure hoax
    The real harm is to our children. As long as we remain suspicious of the wrong people, predators will continue to have free reign to abuse innocent children. If they remain free from scrutiny because everyone else is focusing on gays and lesbians, more young lives will continue to be shattered and more parents will suffer the agonizing heartache of learning that they trusted someone who destroyed their child’s future.

  8. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hoosier8 View Post
    “It’s settled science. In light of this information we will enforce a rule requiring all males to wear at least one inch of facial hair at all times. Furthermore, any females able to grow facial hair are encouraged to do so as well.
    Up on the Governor should fit right in with this DoD Directive...

    Seriously, "Beards save lives?"

    Is this sarcasm or is the OP serious?

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