League of Extraordinary Rednecks

Ok, so I went to the mail box today, like I do about once a month to pay my bills. Put the lil flag up, closed the lil door and drove off. Two maybe three miles down the road on my way to Abe's barn for a free cold beer, I look down and see my bills on the console. My superior intellect and highly logical mind kicks in to gear. I come up with the profound question...If my bills are here, what the heck is in the mail box??? So I turn around, head back pull up to the mail box.....Pull my cell phone out of the mail box, put my bills in and head on over to Abe's. <sigh> Sucks getting old.

 

One very important question, then: before doing this, how much coffee had you consumed that day?

 

Well, either not enough, or too much. I'm not sure which.

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After 45 minutes of heated arguing with Abe, whether chicken wings and thighs were white or dark meat, we called KFC and the girl on the phone set us straight. I was wrong.

 

Ok, Ok...I get it. Going for a colonoscopy together does NOT count as date night. I"m sorry I asked.

 

Some things never change

 

Lol, that is too funny. I have one profound question though. Do they serve beer early in your necko'thewoods or is your mail running late?

 

Great to see you again Mr. Wood. Permit me to induct and recognize you as a member in highest standing among the League of Extraordinary Rednecks.

 

Excellent questions.....Yes and Yes.

 

Today was my wife's birthday. I took her to see Captain Phillips at the movie theatre. She got sea sick watching the movie, dashing any dreams I had of ever retiring on a sail boat in the Caribbean. I still love her.

 

What kind of tuna gets seasick? But seriously, that's big of you to not kick her to the curb over the no Caribbean sailboat thing. I assume you post to this site out in the barn, and she doesn't know your password?

 

My mom has a tendency to put the milk in the pantry and she'll go to put the cereal box in the fridge and stop and go 'wtf am I doing?' lol

 

I used to chuckle and shake my head at such goings on. Now I'm on the receiving end of the chuckles...

 

a text exchange with my daughter......
"....something something Toffee"
Her: "It's not like I'm going to hell for it."
Me: "That's not why you're going to hell"
Her: What!!!?"
Me: You're going to hell so you can be with your daddy."
Her: "No I'm not!"
Me: "Yes you are."
Her: "No I'm not."

long pause

Me: ".Will you come see me on week-ends?"
Her: "Shut up!!!!"

 

My wife thinks the neigbors are ungrateful because they never thank her for the christmas cookies. The problem is not ungrateful neighbors. The problem is she depends on me to deliver those cookies, and I like her cookie a lot more than I like our neighbors.....

 

I do that too!

 

You're NOT a nice person, tuna

 

I'm workin on that Mr. Wood.

 

Did she find her bifocals in the fridge yet? Yup, been there, done that.

 

You can imagine Mr. Wood, she is the epitome of womanhood. A fine specimen, beautiful, patient demeanor , motherly, with good breeding hips and straight teeth.

 

Not yet, but my grandma had hers on her head once and couldn't find them anywhere. lmao!

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Yes, straight teeth is good to have. That's very important. lol

 

Thanksgiving buttroll crisis averted!!!!!

 

My cardiologist couldn't contain herself when I asked for a Cialis prescription to help me stop smoking. She eventually gathered herself and asked if I mean Chantix. Then we both got a good giggle out of it.

 

Thought PF had a new tag icon. Turns out my dog musta surfed the net and sneezed.

 

Houston we are GO for Turkey in T minus 5:40:35 and counting. Roger that Control...Go for Turkey.

 

Lets hope Tom doesn't lose the stuffing on take off.