My phone drives her nuts. A crazy neighbor? What to do?

I live in a neighborhood where practically everyone knows everyone and have friendships w/many and those where there really isn't a friendship, I still visit w/them at times.

There's this one gal, Dottie, I've known for quite a few yrs and we've talked many times, but to call her a friend - no, never have, but never had any real problem w/her either....until now. And it's one strange problem......

I don't have a cell phone and my cordless phone works great outside. I can be quite a distance from home and get calls. About a week ago I was outside w/phone b/c I was expecting a call. Dottie came along and said "Sue! Everytime I see you, you have that damn phone on you!" and went on and on about my phone! I was shocked enuf where it threw me off guard. Said something about expecting an important call.....my 10 yr old grandson was flying out here from the midwest and waiting to hear he had arrived.... anyway, she was still ranting about me having my phone on me as she left.

The next day was visiting w/neighbor gals and Dottie came along. As a joke, I held up my phone and said "Dottie, I have my phone on me. Wanna use it?" I said it as a joke, but it was a bad joke b/c she started ranting about it again. Reminded her that many have cell phones and they carry them all the time. She said not many do......

The following day Sally told me she went to her, complaining about me having my phone on me 'all the time' which isn't true. Even if it was - so what?

Haven't seen Dottie since......

I don't know what to make of this and I got to thinking - could it be dementia? Dottie's in her mid 70's. I've never in my whole life heard of such a ridiculous gripe about someone.....never! Any suggestions on how to handle her? I don't want this to get ugly.

 

Ignore her.. Some people get dottie when they get old. If it wasn't your phone, it would be something else.

 

Thanks for the advice, but you don't know Dottie. She's difficult to ignore. She's very loud, boisterous and in-your-face type of person and that's the type of person I have NO patience with......

So, therefore, I'm going to have to work on myself to avoid any ugliness, if she continues this, but no one on this planet is going to intimidate me and I feel I have to leave my phone in the house to please her.........that'll never happen.

 

I have elderly several neighbors who will rant and rave and poke into everybody's business.. I just walk away or pretend I can hear them. Its like retraining a dog.

 

Avoid her .....period.

The only way you can prevent her from being what she is would be to prevent listening to and dealing with her.

 

She wants your attention.

Don't give it to her.

BTW this is no different to a badly behaved child demanding attention. Treat her like you would any other such child and just ignore her rantings. Eventually she will get the message.

 

I know..... the thing is, it pist me off that she'd criticize me for having my phone outside w/me, not knowing my family circumstances and them staying in close touch w/me by phone.

I certainly won't get into a shouting match w/her and for all I know, it may be the start of dementia........

Several months ago she went off the deep end and shouted and swore about another neighbor, Debbie, who got an electric scooter, cussing about how the scooter cost the taxpayers a lot of $$$. I know Debbie and her family quite well and told Dottie that her mother bought it for her.....she didn't care - she kept ranting about it for days.

Now it's me having my phone outside....I think she's losing it.

 

Or you could just get a cell phone and be done with the issue.

 

An expense b/c of dotty Dottie? Nope. Don't need a cell phone. Besides Dottie had said many cell owners don't keep their phones on them when they're out and about.

 

Why do you think you have to explain yourself to her? It is your phone, you pay the bill and you are the one talking on it.
I would tell her ONCE and very politely to just leave it be. No explanation, no nothing, just
"Dottie, I will use my phone when needed, please understand that" End of story.

 

Avoid this woman and be very careful. She seems obsessed and may be dangerously mentally ill. The problem with mentally ill people is that you never know what will set them off and you never know what they are capable of doing or when you will be confronted.

 

Is this still the 21st century we are talking about?

 

The very worst thing you can do is actually engage with her on the matter. You either need to avoid her completely, or limit interactions to non-personal topics only. Weather etc. And don't let her get personal about others either, just keep changing the subject. As someone else said, she's behaving like a child. Engaging with her on her rants is like feeding the monster (or the child!). It's exactly what she wants, and encourages her to do more.

If she brings up the phone again, just smile and change the subject. Don't even respond to any direct questions about it. If one is asked, nod vaguely and smile ... and change the subject. It's exactly the same as redirecting children away from something you don't want them focused on.

If you're curious about what is making her do this, there's a short answer. She's lonely, and bored out of mind. But that's not the root cause ... many people get bored and lonely. Functional people fix the problem by being friendly to others. Dysfunctional people 'fix' the problem by being belligerent. There's a reason they do this. They often feel as though any time they have with others is severely limited, and they have no certainty of it every happening again. It's like a famine mentality applied to human company. Their desperation to hold the attention of anyone who gets within spitting distance is so great that they ignore the niceties altogether (which will feel, to them, like time wasted) and go straight to conflict. It's instant and intense interaction, and compels the other party to stay (to fight back, as it were). It's very dysfunctional, but sadly quite common.

Once again, consider her as a naughty child. Don't engage - unless it's on non-personal topics - and whatever you do, don't discuss your phone (or any other pet peeves she develops).

 

That's a bit extreme. She's nowhere near dangerously mentally ill. MAY be Borderline or Defiant or one of the other PDs, but primarily she's a bitter and lonely old woman. Plenty of that about, and it's almost always entirely harmless - physically, at least.

 

That could dangerous advice.

 

Active listening sometimes helps in such cases, with a carefully crafted and appropriate "I" message as follow-up, but since you are uncomfortable with aggressive behavior and have no real relationship with this neighbor it might not be worth your trouble to give it that much attention.

It sounds like this lady is still bound to a telephone wire and resisting more convenient modern technology. Additionally, she probably sees the phone as a competitor for your attention. However, her criticism of another neighbor for getting a scooter suggests she is naturally critical of others. The more information such people gather, the more negative gossip they have to spread, so if you do converse with her again don't give her any information about yourself you don't want spread far and wide.

 

Yes, and from what I read in the OP, that lady seems like a nutter. I am merely suggesting that crazy folks should be avoided because you never know what they will do..Crank was just dissing my post...as usual.

 

No, I don't think I have to explain anything to her, but she took me by such surprise when she first started griping about my phone and I started to say something about grandson was flying out here, but that got lost b/c she kept harping about it.......then stamped off. I stood there wondering 'what the hell was THAT all about?"

If she wants to run around griping about me & my phone, well, she can knock herself out doing it. She's just making herself look silly and m/b even demented.....

And m/b dementia isn't going on b/c I had an incident w/her 8 yrs ago, which stunned me. A neighbor couple were leaving the state and selling a lot of their stuff. Bob told me they were selling their new computer chair and asked if I was interested. I looked at it, it was like brand-new - they hadn't used it for more than a couple months and paid $100, he wanted $20 - SOLD! I was going to give it to my daughter who's b'day was coming up and could use a new one. Told them they could use it until they moved......

Later that day I got a call from Dottie shouting "Sue! You HAVE to do me a favor! Please! Please! Please!" and went on about how she was looking at the couple's stuff for sale, sat in the chair I just bought, loved it and Bob said I just bought it. She told him she'd talk it out of me and got my # from him. I clearly told her that was my kid's b'day gift, but she wouldn't stop...."Please, please, please" and kept babbling the pleases - "You HAVE to let me have it! I NEED IT!" "NO, I'm sorry, but it's my daughter's b'day gift" and hung up.

Now, Shangrila, once you and I and others heard those words 'it's my daughter's b'day gift", we would stop the silly begging, say 'Oh, I understand" and let it go. Not her - I had to hang up. That incident really left me wondering about her. She really tho't I should let her have my kid's b'day gift? Now that's ballsy........

But it happened 8 yrs ago, I let it go and now she's fixated on me having my phone outside........

No mater where you live, you're going to have a nutty neighbor, I guess.

 

She could be mentally limited, ie with a low IQ.

 

I tend to agree that if a person's behavior is unfathomable it might be best to avoid them...however, there are times when avoidance is not possible without making the person feel rejected. Some disturbed people really cannot stand rejection and can become extremely angry, so even with avoidance some care is necessary.

On the other hand, some who were in abusive situations with a parent when little can feel threatened by too much emotional closeness, and can act out in extreme ways to distance themselves.

It's better IMO to just be carefully neutral and ultra polite, but not engage too much until you have a better sense of what is going on...and, still, only if you want to.

 

Personally I think she is a bully. My experience with these types of personality is to say my phone is none of your business and I don't want to discuss it anymore with you. Then change the subject to allow more positive conversation. Smile or at least be pleasent through all this. It works.

 

And watch your back too. I have had personal experience with 'nutty' people who turned out to be violent.

 

You have much more patience than I do, so kudos to you, hon. You are just too sweet. Me? I would've told her to shut her pie hole or my phone would wind up in it along with some of her teeth.
I have a landline and my phone (cordless) goes outside all the time with me. Nobody says a word because they have landlines too. Not everyone has a cell phone or wants one. If I wanna talk, I will do it at home, not while shopping or driving or getting the heck away for awhile....which includes a phone ringing in my purse.

 

You should probably try to find out what and in what manner Sally had conversation with her.

 

Then I suggest you find some, because impatience will only empower her to make it ugly.