How to Stop Obsessing

Discussion in 'Member Casual Chat' started by atheiststories, Jan 19, 2017.

  1. atheiststories

    atheiststories Active Member

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    So I have this problem. The things I enjoy doing the most are things I feel like I have to win. I've been a football coach for about 7 years, and ever single year I have had a problem with the head coach or other coaches on the staff. I have to do a lot of team projects at school, and I'm typically the one who does all the work, but this recent class is a simulation, and I spent far too much time obsessing over the results. I've obsessed over video games before... and the problem is that it causes problems. Some day I would like to be a manager, maybe even own my own business, and I know that if I can't control my obsession I will make life a living hell for my employees, and that will drive away good people.

    Now to be clear, I'm not looking for advice on how to behave on a team. I always perform fantastically in teams, despite my feelings. I know how to behave. The problem is that while I may know what to say and how to act, I am hiding my feelings. It is actually worse when it comes to football coaching because that's a hobby, and I care a little less about what people think, and I think everyone else does too. So sometimes I speak my mind a little too much there and that's when problems seem to start.

    So I need help managing my feelings. Recently, when I was obsessing about the group project stuff I realized that I could no longer control the past quarters of the simulation, and that gave me permission to stop worrying about it, but I was wondering if there were any other ways of thinking that you all use to control your obsessive feelings?
     
  2. Hoosier8

    Hoosier8 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Find a good leadership course. Leadership is learned. I am obsessive but it works well for what I do, software.
     
  3. atheiststories

    atheiststories Active Member

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    See, I don't think we're using the word obsessive the same way then. I can't sleep sometimes because I can't stop thinking about whatever is bugging me, and that makes me less productive. I would love to keep the passion and then turn it off when it is appropriate. Additionally, when I obsess I am often frustrated or upset, and that might get me to think about a situation very differently than if I was level headed.
     
  4. Hoosier8

    Hoosier8 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I know what obsessive means and that is why sometimes I have to force myself to go to bed instead of working past midnight when I have something bugging me.

    Leadership is really much about trust which is an issue obsessives have trouble with. Trusting others to carry out what needs to be done, delegation of work. You can learn a lot about yourself in leadership classes. Being upset is not really a bad thing unless you respond inappropriately.
     
  5. atheiststories

    atheiststories Active Member

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    What can I expect to learn from these leadership classes? I understand the importance of delegation already. What will it specifically teach me about controlling my obsessive emotions?
     
  6. ArmySoldier

    ArmySoldier Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Obsessions aren't always a bad thing. I have a very addictive personality and it took me time to learn how to use it for good. Now I harness my obsessions. It took me a long time, but I now obsess about work for 8 hours a day, then shut it off at around 4PM and focus on something fun.

    Obsession will be a good factor if you want to successfully own a business. That business will be your life.
     
  7. vman12

    vman12 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    Schedule time in your day to obsess over things.

    I know that may sound silly, but it works for me.

    It's about training yourself to accept your obsessing as part of you, but to manage it as being ok but only at certain times.

    Easier said than done, believe me, I know.
     
  8. atheiststories

    atheiststories Active Member

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    Thanks. I'll try that. It seems to really kick in during my drive home. Maybe I'll make that my scheduled time.
     
  9. vman12

    vman12 Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    What happens is you'll start obsessing over your schedule, which at least is semi-productive ;)
     
  10. atheiststories

    atheiststories Active Member

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    Well, that might be true... and that might be good. What seems to trigger my negative obsessing is the situation where I feel like I am not being heard, especially when I think I'm worthy of having an opinion. It's probably why I like forums so much. With group projects I don't obsess unless I do more work than others and then I don't get my way. Same thing happens in football. It's like I do all of this work, and then I can't implement my vision. That's super frustrating. I think I have a lot of other healthy obsessions. Like video games used to be a big deal to me, and now I don't care nearly as much. I used to obsess about work and work until midnight voluntarily, but not so much now. I might obsess over working out or dieting or budgeting. All of that stuff is pretty healthy. The trigger for the "unhealthy" obsession is the lack of control when I feel like I ought to have it, and that creates other problems. Like I want to put a bunch of work into things and be great, but when I need to rely on others... it's not really delegation at that point I suppose. Delegation is inspiring others to have a vision.
     
  11. crank

    crank Well-Known Member

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    I don't think obsession is the right word. We're all obsessed by one thing or another. It does sound, to me, like ordinary old control issues. If you have a problem with controlling situations and/or others, then you need to address that. Most often, control is fear driven. Either there was an excess of chaos in childhood (now compensated for), or it was learned behaviour from a fearful parent.
     
  12. atheiststories

    atheiststories Active Member

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    Tell me about your mother. lmao

    Knew I'd get this from here. I'm sure we all have issues here. Who in their right mind actively seeks out a political discussion forum where all of the members try to argue with you?
     
  13. scarlet witch

    scarlet witch Well-Known Member Past Donor

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    I agree with Crank it's control, not obsession.

    It's difficult, how do you manage to still care about an outcome when you have to relinquish control, to accept the way someone else is completing a task... comes with experience I think, you learn it's ok to have less than perfect outcomes because sometimes it's about the other person learning something more so than achieving perfection.
     

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