Man claims to be chair, leads new civil rights protests

Discussion in 'Humor & Satire' started by Xtremenerd, Feb 20, 2017.

  1. Xtremenerd

    Xtremenerd Well-Known Member

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    Andrew Smith, 36 years old, has become a new and popular civil rights leader among the social justice community. His claim to fame? Smith claims he is a chair, and thus should not have to go to work, pay taxes, or bear responsibility of his children. In a one on one interview with CNN's Ida B. Lyen, Smith described the moment he knew he was actually a chair trapped inside the shape of a human. "It happened almost a year ago,"he said with tears on his cheek, "my daughter, who is very young, crawled to me and I picked her up and sat her down on my lap, then I felt it, a sense of calm tranquility that I had never felt before, I looked at my daughter and realized I had ignored my true self for so long, letting other people define, but I finally realized at tat moment, that I was a chair, and no one could tell me I wasn't" From that moment on, Smith has been in a squatting position, mimicking a chair for nearly twelve months, if his family wants to move him around they have to pick him up and carry him around. Smith was forced to quit his job when he said chairs can't be truck drivers and now sits in the family living room. His family, who was previously reliant on his income, are now welfare, with his wife working two jobs to put food on the table. "I just feel my life is so much better now," Smith claims. "I don't have to pretend to be an adult anymore I can be me finally."

    His case garnered national attention when his wife filed for divorce, but Smith she has to pay for him, because he is incapable of caring for himself due to the fact he is a chair, and without her income, he'd starve to death. Of course there are always the bigots in society who criticize Smith, calling him insane, selfish, delusional, and other insults, Smith says he isn't affected because chairs don't have feelings. "It's a fact of life that some people are naturally bigoted to rule breakers like me," Smith claims, "but I don't let them get to me, even when they call me selfish, I'm happy now, that's all that matters."

    The Divorce settlement is not completed yet, and many civil rights activists claim if Smith is forced to leave the house, it would be a major blow to the constitution. "If Mr. Smith is forced to sit out in the open on his own he could die!" says David Green, a non-binary activist, "just think, if Smith can't be forced to stay with his wife, how many other chairs are going to be thrown out of their homes and left to starve on the street?!!!"

    The case could go all the way to the Supreme Court, and activists are ready to fight for this pioneering chair.
     

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