I feel I am at a point in my life where it's time for a major life change. I don't know how major it will be but it could be extreme. I want to live a holy, religous, ethical, moral, kind, nice life for the rest of my life and you simply don't get that from modern society. I'll give a brief example. My ex kicked me out of my house a decade ago and threw me away. I ended up living in a white elephant house in another state with no job prospects. She's not giving me a cent for the divorce and I think I am at a point where I don't want her stinking money anyway, as much as I need it. But I realized it would all end up simply being spent- $10,000 or $100,000 it'll be gone soon. So what's the point of holding out for a payout? Why get blood from a stone? I have been pondering that and feel she has some bad karma coming to her for what she did to me but I don't want to inflict "retribution karma" by forcing her to pay me, which I am legally entitled to BTW. I am thinking about letting it all go. As I was pondering this for a few days, I got a piece of mail addressed to her at my address from a collection agency. I thought it was one of the MANY collection agencies I owe money to but it was actually for her. Turns out she is over $35,000 in credit card debt. So I feel a little "karmic retribution" from the fact that she seperated herself from me and cut me off financially (and she was the breadwinner) and ten years later she is making $100,000 a year, has no equity in the underwater house she owns and owes credit cards another $35,000 and I know from my kids that she is broke all the time... and I had nothing to do with her problems and I am not one of them- she did this to herself by removing me from her life and going on living her life her way (instead of our way). So whereas she can't pay me even if she wanted to and even if I legally forced her to (nasty courtroom stuff), `turns out she is deeper than I am in debt- and I am very heabvily in debt... karma caught up to her. Thanks for listening to my short story. Back to my main point, I have no assets and no equity and don't make enough to support myself and this house- not by a long shot... it's a white elephant house. I feel like letting it go and giving away whatever I have left and walk somewhere with my life's possesions in my car or on my back and find the right way of living, which to me at this point in my life is something like a bum. Or like Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction. But I have some bad karma luggage I have to let go of- one of them is the ex-wife. Another is my smoking, which I feel is an attachment. I don't drink and I am a lacto-vegetarian. I don't hurt things and don't want to anymore. And my relationship with my family is pretty bad... and other stuff. And I just want to let go of it all- that is, put it all to rest and move on to something new.
Earl. As in "My Name is Earl" Get on NETFLIX and watch every episode. Beginning to end. Learn what it has to teach. Then follow that path. Make amends to those you have harmed. Including your ex. Do good things just because they are good. I know it sounds silly to take life advice from a tv show (sorry oprah fans) but the lesson is there. You cannot change your life until you change you. Luck. Oh, BTW Earl smoked too; and Karma, she is a B**ch
Watched half of the Pilot, will get back to it. I sent this to my ex's lawyer: "I am ready to give an uncontested divorce. You write up the papers and I will sign them. I am signing a divorce as a permanent separation between us in all regards, uncontested and agreed to by me. Please get this done in a timely fashion. As far as the bill, I believe XXXXXXX said she would pay for my legal fees through you. Please ask her and if she's not, I'll just do a $299 fly-by-night divorce from google, but I don't have $300." We'll see how this goes. The one thing I am giving up by doing this is the free health insurance I get as her husband which I will no longer have and need but feel I am no longer entitled to this privlidge and it's the right thing to do.
I am reminded of our Lord Christ, and His lessons of FORGIVENESS. It sounds like you need some spiritual STRENGTH to forgive what she has done to you. Sometimes forgiveness, to forgive those who have harmed us most in life, is asking an almost impossible task. Seek out His Words, that is my advice.
You may also want to cut down on taking advice regarding life issues from completely random strangers on the internet.
You have the ability to be truly free. A man with no posessions to worry about, nobody to answer to, only a backpack, a smile and a world of adventures ahead of you. I envy that. Don't waste it.
I am only now starting to see things, as if I was blindfolded all my life. This isn't good and I am afraid.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_Cave Now, if you are afraid then it may pay to discuss your feelings with a professional counsellor of some sort. It's trite to say this but we all construct our own reality and sometimes that constructed reality gets a few cracks in it, think of the Jim Carrey film "The Truman Show" (I'm full of references to pop culture, I should go on Oprah). Main thing is that you don't let it drag you down. Potter said you were free. You are. Some years ago I went through a pretty bad long-term relationship breakup and ended up on my arse in terms of money. I had a really rough time of it, but I was lucky, I had a good job and stable income even if I had to watch every cent for quite a number of years. Then I came into some money and I was forever worrying about it - what can I do with it, is it safe, can it be taken from me online by some cybercrooks etc. It occurred to me then that I only needed enough, that's all, "enough". Provided I don't have creditors banging on my door I'm happy. I get by so that's fine by me. Peace of mind and simple contentment are worth more than money - although money is necessary of course. And as has been said, we're a bunch of strangers on the internet so take everything with a grain of salt and trust someone you can talk to face to face (preferably the aforementioned counsellor). Others have been through what you are going through and they came out of it okay. You will as well.
You should be. You are in a state that the most charismatic voice will make the most sense to you and have little to do with wisdom or sincere guidance. I am just as tempted as others probably are on here to give you advice and point you down a road that makes sense to me, validating my personal agenda and trying to impart it to you. You are placing yourself in our hands, and you don't know any of us. Consider the sources.
Not putting any of you on. I tried getting an earlier appointment with my shrink but he has nothing open until my next appointment in mid-May. The guy is 80 years old and I think he would sort of understand what I am feeling but not fully. Right now I feel detached from the world like the allegory of the cave. I am leaning towards living like John the Baptist, but without the baptizing part.
It's obvious you're not really happy with your life. Try to do something new, it might help you find your sense of direction.
Why? Is it not wise to seek counsel? Is it not easier, at times, to be more honest with a stranger than with a familiar? Is that not why the priest is shielded in the confessional? Perhaps you meant to say something like "use caution in following advice" That would be wise counsel.
Did I? Did I assign any intent to your original post? I'm afraid I do not understand whatever it is you think you're objecting to.
Dude, if you are serious I'd like to throw in my 0.5 cents worth. you're experiencing PRACTICAL 'problems' here. lack of money and lack of wife/health insurance/car/job/whatever. having so many practicals in disarray leaves you feeling you have no control. rudderless. write a list, prioritise it honestly (ie, food and shelter must be number one), then start working your way through. you have the time and apparent physical health to do it, so get started NOW. as you tick off each item, you'll feel a little better about your circumstances, and more in control. by the time you get to the end of the practicals, you might feel so good about things that this notion it's some sort of spiritual deficit could all but evaporate. if it's still there, beckonning, address it then and ONLY then. it's your absolute lowest priority.
Forgive her, jmpet, this is the best advice I can give you as a Christian. It takes so much strength, sometimes.......
a divorce is some tough business. You might want to consider waiting until its finalized and have found a place that you can afford (two significant life changes) before you make a final decision about getting rid of everything and living in a cave. Taking walks or camping might be enough of a get away too.