As the holiday season descended upon us this year, much like an old, sad fruitcake dropped from a low flying plane.....I've gone through the most amazing variety of feelings, of mind sets and well....I guess, sort of views on life. Here, I'll expound below. As early as the 8th of this month, my Sweetie and I took at look at what could be laughingly called "our budget" we realized that, sadly, once again----there was to be no Christmas celebration in our household. No gift exchanges for each other, much less anyone else we care about deeply. It was especially depressing this year, because we've diligently, methodically cut our expenses wherever possible. Unfortunately a very steep increase in rent, a relatively minor, but quite costly car repair----blew all our plans out the water. So yeah, I spent about a week, just horribly depressed, feeling helpless and much like a failure at, you know....basically life. Cringing at every single blasted stupid 'holiday' commercial----wishing more than anything I could just---somehow be unconscious until sometime in January. Then.....I found out my Dad was in the hospital, quite close to dying. Because of an incredibly complicated family dynamic, I wasn't even allowed to see him, nor talk to his doctors about how he was doing. (as for family dynamics.....think: Waltons on acid, mushrooms and soaked in alcohol---combined with a "reunion show" on Jerry Springer) This reminded me of two dear, dear friends of mine, from this very site who in the last 12 months have lost immediate and close family members. This will be the first Christmas these dear friends of mine, will have to go through without beloved members of their family; one a sister and one a wife. Reflecting on this helped me realize that even though Christmas and the absolute obsession with commercialism that retailers seem intent on melding into Christmas, is pretty much unavoidable---how I respond to the season is up to me. And then......Friday a week ago, I was standing in my doctor's office waiting room and the news was on. I stood there just......horrified and saddened beyond belief, watching the news coming out of Newton, CT. Children.....just, precious little children at school, their families probably getting ready for Christmas, houses perhaps already decorated, gifts possibly already bought for their child.... And in a manner of a morning, it's all torn away from them. One man, surely demented in some way, brought horror, terror and unending pain to dozens of families. Can any of us even imagine what those families are going through? What their Christmas will be like? Those parents who lost their precious, precious children.....that's a level of pain that just never, ever goes completely away. Those parents who thankfully, didn't lose their children, now have to live with explaining, or trying to explain---to their children why, how their classmates can be taken so abruptly, so horribly away from them. I look back at these last few weeks and now I think...."I have everything." I have a home, a Sweetie who thinks I'm adorable and has cared for me body and spirit (mostly alone), since my stroke. I have her children in my life who think I'm wonderful, funny and clearly in love with their mom. I have friends, both in real life and online, who care for me, who miss me when I'm gone. Yeah, every month, we struggle, but our basic needs are met. Do I still wish we could celebrate a "traditional" Christmas? Well.....yeah. I'm human. But I think about a woman going through this time without her sister, a dear, dear man going through this time without his wife-----and I think of all those families who's lives will quite simply, never be the same----- And I look around at my decoration-less apartment and think, know, believe...."I have everything."
Right on. By which I mean, I think you're right. And don't feel bad -- Christmas was never about the presents. It's about the giving, but not necessarily of any material object. Merry Christmas!
"I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." ~ author unknown If another has to be sad for me to be glad, obviously I have a serious problem.
Don't get too over-joyed about all you have. There is nothing that you think you have that won't eventually be taken - even your own life.
Thank ye! (And I love your sig line. HUGE Firefly fan!) Merry Christmas back atcha! Um....okay. Sorry if that's how you took what I wrote. Not about someone else needing to be sad; all about me redirecting my focus by seeing outside myself. What a cheerful thought! Makes me feel all warm and cuddly inside.
Nah, not too long at all. Sometimes nothing needs to be said in response because it's all been said in the post. Perhaps most of your readers have gone off to cogitate...if so, that's a good thing.
It's nice that you can see that no matter how bad things look for yourself, there are many out there that have it much worse. While you haven't got enough money to exchange gifts with your loved one. The fact that both of you have the love for each other is enough to be grateful for. Many people will not only be able to exchange gifts, but have no one to love or love them. You are truly blessed and are smart enough to realize it. Merry Christmas to you both.
Excellent point! I would much rather be in the position I/we are in....than feel "pressured" to go spend time or money on people I don't really like, nor that like me. And especially given the stroke earlier this year, I've come to appreciate really just being.....functional and loved. And a very Merry Christmas to you too sir! Well....thank you. I did seriously worry that it would be too long. Been running through my head all week to write something like this. ('Tis my belief that things like "Twitter" has ruined our collective attention span) I just can't get outta my head what those poor parents/family members must be going through and how just about anything that's happened to me this year just pales in comparison.
You got that SO right!! It is truly about perspective (counting and being blessed by what we have). Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all!!
Dunno what there is to be sorry about. You're calling it like you see it, and so am I. Fred Phelps and his ilk do a lot of that. The problem isn't that we fail to look outward, but that we look outward for justification for our various inadequacies, misdeeds and so on.
Okay, well clearly we're seeing things from way, way opposite ends of the spectrum. Baffles me all to hell and gone that "we look outward for justification for our various inadequacies, misdeeds and so on" has really, anything at all to do with what I originally wrote. Anyway! Just got yet another jaw-dropping reason to be incredibly grateful for everything that's in my life. My very best friends in the world are an amazing couple that live in my hometown. (they're not from there) Few years back, when I was abruptly kicked outta my home, they took me in. I'd already been being their nanny, and they had the room, so I moved on in and helped out however I could, lived there well over two years until my Sweetie and I got this place here. They are, without a doubt the most generous, loving hospitality driven people I've ever met. So, they've got a foster kid living there with 'em now. Foster kid is 17. Foster kid has bunch of teenage friends, some of whom have been hanging out there too. Turns out that last week, one of 'em lied about having one of this couple's bank card. Pretty much stole close to $1500 over three days, before he thought to check their account. Obviously they are justifiably angry and hurt; but they're also not changing the core of who they are. I'm surrounded by amazing people and am grateful beyond belief that I can look up and see that.
the holiday season is a very depressing time for many, but that is a good way to look at it for those of us in the lower 47 percentile of America. best wishes to you and yours..
Thanks LM! It's been quite the....weird and incredibly stressful year on my Sweetie and myself; but there is so very much I do have that others have lost....or have never had. Best wishes to you and yours too!
Despite what we don't have and what we have lost, we are rich in comparison to many others. Thanks for giving us your perspective, Tresha. It's one I definitely share this holiday season. We're only 3-1/2 years out from losing my father, and my partner's father just passed away this last October. Such losses, the pain of which will ease over time, are felt the sharpest at the holidays for us, being as they are times we often spend with family who are also grieving them. So we've scaled back this year in some ways, and will try to focus on appreciating those we have left, some of whom we know will probably also be leaving us in the too-soon future. It's nice to give and receive presents that express our love and bring us cheer, but those tokens will never replace our missing loved ones. I wish you all the best in the coming year.
