Conservatives Blast Simone Biles For Robbing Them Of Opportunity To Criticize Her Win

Conservatives Blast Simone Biles For Robbing Them Of Opportunity To Criticize Her Win

NEW YORK—Accusing her of being selfish and unfit to be a gold medal gymnast, conservatives blasted Simone Biles Wednesday for robbing them of the opportunity to criticize her win.

“As of today, Ms. Biles has not only betrayed her country and her fans, but denied us the chance to pick apart every single word she would have said while celebrating a victory for team USA,” said Fox News anchor Tucker Carlson, adding that if she really was the Greatest of All Time, she’d have performed and given him plenty of ammunition to call her composure and facial expressions “smug,” “ungrateful,” and “cocky.”

“What Simone Biles has done today is a slap in the face, not for just the United States, not just for gymnastics, but for me and all my colleagues, who had dozens of scathing segments attacking her skimpy uniform, her steely composure, and her recent forays into social justice. So, Simone, if you’re watching, I hope you and team USA are happy, because now America will never get to hear us call you a sore winner, and equate the gymnastic moves named after you with a tainted legacy.”

At press time, Carlson played a clip of Kerri Strug vaulting with a broken ankle, and pointed out how she wasn’t afraid to be ripped apart for winning gold.

Conservatives Blast Simone Biles For Robbing Them Of Opportunity To Criticize Her Win (theonion.com)

seriously guys, if this young woman could do this she would.

 

She was cracking and screwing up and dropped out. I guess if Tom Brady was playing horribly he would take himself out of the Super Bowl. Just don’t think he ever plays badly enough or loses his head so badly it would be necessary.

Then again in most sports if your head isn’t in it you won’t kill your self, so her mental breakdown presents unique challenges compared to other sports. Maybe only racing would be another sport where something truly frightening can happen if you’re not on your game.

Oh well. She was able to save face and not be embarrassed without any real criticism. Still comes out the hero. You can get a pass for quitting and it’s OK.

 

Besides, she ALREADY has made millions in endorsements based on what she Might Have Done.

Many other athletes don't get the big money until AFTER they come up big in the Olympics.

She is laughing all the way to the bank.

However, choking under prrssure in the 2020 Olympics, and leaving w/o a Gold Medal, prevents her from ever being the True GOAT.

A "GOAT" wouldn't have buckled like that and let down her country.

Biles NEVER lives this down. Period.

But, I wish her all the best.
And I hope she spends her millions wisely.

 

The onion? Lol. The real story is that people think the onion is worthy of debate. That’s hilarious

 

...

 

Wow, we actually agree.

The only part that I don't agree with is that she never lives this down. The media and liberals will excuse her because she's a black woman. I still think she wins every NAACP type award because she was "brave enough" to run and hide. She didn't even have the decency to drop out before the Olympics so someone else could take her place.

 

She did not make millions on what she might have done, she made them based on what she has done.

Prior to this Olympics she has 30 Olympic/world championship medals, more than anyone else in history.

She has more than earned her endorsements.

And I agree with the above poster, she will be more famous because of this than if she had won more medals. There is more to life than gold medals.

 

You know, this did not really happen, the Onion is a parody site.

 

Biles has 4 Olympic Gold medals & something like 19 at World Championships going back to 2013. She has been unquestionably the best female gymnast in the world since 2013. Simone Biles HAS 'come up big' and deserves whatever money sponsors want to give her. She managed to do all this despite being abused by one of her coaches - something that would have destroyed a lesser person.

Currently she has a condition whereby she loses all sense of where her body is when she is in the air. I'm sure you can appreciate just how dangerous that is for a gymnast. No one needs to risk their health just to live up to the the standards of a bunch of people who couldn't imagine what it takes to be the best in the world at something.

Good on her for not taking stupid risks just to placatge such people.

 

Well said. It is funny as hell reading and listening to these people that could not walk across a balance beam if it was on the floor and someone was helping them attack one of the greatest American gymnast ever.

I can picture these guys shoving a hot dog in their mouth while chugging a 72 ounce Pepsi yelling at the TV "What a lazy bitch"

 

This is The Onion and thus false untrue story correct?
My thoughts are that Simone has been on Ritalin medication since a child. She was legally allowed on it during Rio. She was prevented using it in Tokyo. Suddenly stopping a medication that works with dopamine in the brain will certainly create biological mental issues.
And I don't think this helps her future and she probably knows that.

 

Agreed, I never heard of her before this epic fail. This is similar to the EuroCup where Britain put 3 black guys on the kickoff for the Euro championship.... the white players made their shots and the black players missed theirs (and lost to Italy). The black players came out of the game as the heroes and nobody knows the white players names. Celebrating failure if you are POC. It is a thing. Always remember, identity is far far more important than performance. The left wants racial division at any cost and the left tends to get what it wants.

 

Great comparison to someone that has won more medals in the Olympics/WCs than anyone in history. If you have never heard of her till now, that is all on you and says nothing about her.

This is a joke of a post.

 

Yep. Its easy as hell from behind a keyboard.

 

No, it is a poster child for conservative America. See black person, attack black person, then blame 'liberals' for racial division.

You have to love someone whose takeaway from the first English team to make a major chamionship final since 1966 is to attack three black players as 'failures'. Really says it all.

You just know that these guys would put Larry Nasser in Congress if they had the chance.

 

It's called vertigo. It can be caused by an ear infection.

 

Strange, I've never purchased a product or service based on a "celebrity" (sports or otherwise) endorsement...apparently enough fools do to justify companies blowing millions to get them.

 

She’s already lining up multi million dollar endorsements. She’ll survive.

 

A true competitor and champion doesn’t give up an opportunity to make him/herself the GOAT. Many athletes play with injuries or distractions….wait, except baseball players who go on the 21 day IR with a hangnail. Hockey players get sliced and diced, get stitched up in the locker room and are back on the ice in minutes.

 

I actually started to believe it and said there’s no way Carlson would say that. Then I saw the onion part.

 

Some people vote for the people celebs tell them to.

 

It is weird, everyone I have ever known says the same thing, yet companies must have some evidence otherwise of they would not spend that money on such things.

 

I side on the "leave her alone" side. It happened and we don't know what she is going through.

That's a dangerous sport at her level if your head is not in the game.

 

EXACTLY !!! Great post and true!!

 

Wow, talk about being sucked in. Are you really that gullible?
You must be to post this like it actually happened. Jesus dude. OMG