How long have you been Married?

From my limited experience, the whole "two month salary" thing is bull(*)(*)(*)(*) pushed by the diamond sellers.

This is what I did.

Go for quality over size. A clearer, lighter diamond with less visible flaws looks a lot better than a slightly larger one with flaws.

Diamonds get exponentially more expensive over 1ct. the difference between .95ct and 1.05ct is really insignificant.

Find out what shape she wants.

You can get a very, very nice diamond just under 1ct. on gold for around $5500.

 

I can't believe how expensive that stuff is. Gives me goosebumps thinking about paying all that money for a little circle that goes on her finger.

Thanks for your advice, I will certainly keep this in mind. She wants a ring with a "halo" around it. I'm assuming it's a circle at the top of the ring?

Haven't looked rings up yet because I don't want the added stress. Work is INSANE.

 

This may sound a little weird, but if you have any pawn shops in your area, try them. Just take someone along who can tell that they're real, unless you can yourself. Best thing to do is since it won't be a surprise, take her with. That way you'll know you got it right. Anyway, all the best to you and her.
Enjoy!

 

Good idea! Thanks for the advice and wishes, EM! Have a great evening!

 

40 years and counting...once is enough for anyone...

 

This is practical, however not very romantic taking your fiancee to a pawn shop. I may be single, but i have been around enough to understand some of how they think. A bargain used ring will be construed as a devaluation of her.

I think the pawn shop idea itself is a good one, just keep that a secret. Make sure the quality of the gemstone is good and it's real, but avoid revealing the source if it's from a prior owner..

 

23.5 years with 3 sons to show for it.



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23 years with 3 sons to show for it.

 

Great looking Family Tex!

 

I understand where you're coming from, but there are some high end places where the stock is good quality-some well-off people do pawn sometimes. But like you said, it all depends on her mind set.
Enjoy!

 

Then I'll find a barmaid.

 

Oof! My partner and I opted for matching gold & silver claddagh rings, at about 1/10th of the price. When we get married, we'll just reverse them - no need for a separate wedding ring. To us, this is way more meaningful. Neither of us cares much for diamonds.

Really makes me appreciate being free from certain expectations.

 

I wish my girlfriend had your mentality. She, doing her "cute" face, said that she'd love 2cts.

I then proceeded to laugh.

 

I concur a very nice looking family, and someone's in the USAF I see.
A1C stripes "dragonfly wings."

 

It all depends upon how maintenance intensive your soon to be wife is.

2cts is large in my opinion, that's a rock that will get noticed.

 

I hope you'll understand that the things I'm about to say are not meant to knock you, your girlfriend, or your relationship. Try not to read them as snarky or sarcastic - that isn't the intent. Nor is it about giving you a defense against her request and expectations. Read them as sincere questions, aimed to make you think - not challenges that I'm expecting you to answer. Try to get at the truth behind the "what" or the "why".

To me, it all comes back to expectations, and what's behind them. What symbolism does "2 cts" have for her?

Is it about the level of sacrifice you're willing to make on her behalf? Why would she ask that of you?

Is it about proving how much you love her? The proof of that should be in how you treat her, every day, all the time, in the most mundane of things. It doesn't come from how much you're willing to spend, the things you buy, or how big the rock is.

Is it about being able to brag to her friends about you? Is it about inspiring their envy? That may not even be a conscious thought on her part (at least one would hope not.)

Or is it that she feels some kind of pressure - whether from peers, family, or from her own mind - to get something material from you as a symbol of your undying love? Symbols only have the meaning we assign to them, and they can take on a different meaning if circumstances are altered. Gary Lewis and the Playboys had a hit song about that. (Google "This Diamond Ring" if you're unfamiliar with it.)

Will it give her more confidence in the relationship? Maybe only temporarily.

By no means, should this become about what you're 'buying' from her with that ring. Love isn't a commercial transaction.

Of course, take anything I say with a grain of salt, as I probably have a very different perspective on all of this, due to my own circumstances. My partner and I are in our 50s; we've known each other for over 15 years, and have lived together for most of that time. We had known each other for less than a week when we started dating, and thereafter we spent some portion of almost every single day together before I moved into his house eight months later. What I'm saying, is that he and I don't have a lot to prove to each other at this point.

We had actually talked from early on about the possibility of getting matching claddagh rings. It was so long ago that I don't even remember which of us first brought up the idea. It was never about the bling aspect, always about the symbolism of the claddagh, and how perfectly it captured what our relationship is about. Since we both have Irish heritage, that adds another dimension to it. It's something that was meaningful to both of us, and I think in much the same way.

Bottom line - get your girl a diamond if it means something to both of you, and with the intent that your relationship will endure and be stronger than any hunk of rock, mounted in precious metal.

 

I think that makes a lot of sense. Someone I know, while we were both in our early 30s, him married, me single. I used to tease him about the "ball and chain" the loss of freedom that I enjoyed. Well, his wife developed ovarian cancer, it was discovered too late as it metastasized to other organs. It is a horrible...horrible way to go. At one point her body was rejecting the food she ate and she develped gaping wounds food was being pushed through; he had to sterilize these wounds twice a day while she was in hospice.

He was by her side the whole time, the whole ordeal no one wants to talk about and that is the process of dying and it isn't pretty. Not the gradual aging process we all encounter, I mean dying. Watching a beautiful young woman erode into a wasted shell from the ravages of chemo and the damage the disease itself was inflicting in a period of 1 - 2 years.

I was deeply touched by his devotion during the process. So despite my teasing, he had made the better choice. This is what love actually is. It is not a ring, a car or a house...it is devoting yourself to a person in sickness and in health. Fifty percent of marriages fail within the first five years, and most of these are the result of finances. Materialism is the prevailing motivator for what some choose to call "love" and this isn't love at all.

 

Alternative title for this thread.....How many years of your life have you lost to misery, despair and hopelessness.

 

If you been with her for four years you might forget the romantics and have a discussion. Should we buy a n expensive ring and go in debt? Or should we visit the pawnshops for the ring and put the money on our house.

My husband's ring came from Wal-Mart and mine from a pawn shop.
But if your girlfriend flips out...get her the two months salary ring.

 

Thanks for your input. She did tell me she "doesn't want to know" where I got it. Pawn shops sound good

 

Be careful...I'm a strange bird and a cheap date. Not all women are like that.

 

Baloney. Youre smart, kind, funny, hot...etc. I think youre too hard on yourself. I know several guys that would snap you up.

 

Me too! Pawn shop ring here...his too.

 

Really? Introduce me, because they don't seem to know who I am. I even tried Match.com and it was awful. I got one date in 6 months and it was less than ideal. So if you know these guys, tell them about me.

 

I would like to recommend "Metrodate"....primarily because it is a relatively small and localized system and it helped me ti find the best thing I have ever known.

 

I'll look it up. I've tried everything else too: Scruff, Grindr, OK Cupid- all OK if you want to get laid, not so much if you're looking long-term.